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AIBU?

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Original poster

To want to stop buying these children Christmas presents because they never say Thank You?

70 replies

ManonBlackbeak · 09/11/2019 14:55

Every Christmas I buy a present for my goddaughter and her siblings, I also buy my goddaughter a birthday present each year.

Goddaughter is now 10, and I can honestly say that in all the years Ive been buying for them Ive never once received a Thank You. Ever. I should add that I don't expect an extravagent, long handwritten letter or card but just a text or even a message to say that they've received the gifts would be nice. Over Christmas I will see them personally and they never say thank you to me, or anyone else for that matter. I therefore know its not personal and just a general lack of manners because their parents havent instilled it in them, but it really irks me.
DM made me personally phone everyone who'd bought me a present to say thank you every Christmas morning, and though that's also a bit extreme I just think an acknowledgement would be nice.

I feel like stopping altogether and spending more money on the family and friends who would actually appreciate it. Im not made of money.

OP posts:
AmIThough · 09/11/2019 15:02

YANBU. There are people who would be more appreciative of your gestures so treat them instead.

Hopefully the children and their parents will learn their lesson!

Winterdaysarehere · 09/11/2019 15:04

Cards op.
Empty ones.
Yanbu to deny the ungrateful buggars any more of your cash.

Ponoka7 · 09/11/2019 15:07

What made you agree to be her Godmother? By rights it should be a close relationship.

You're punishing the child because they aren't being brought up properly.

It would be better to give and point out the rudeness, in a nice way. If the parents have anything to say, you point out that you are supposed to be a guide for your godchild.

lesleyw1953 · 09/11/2019 15:08

I have the same issue with some of my DC's partners. I think it is just plain rude - contemptuous even. But to make an issue of it may well result in permanent bad feeling and fractured relationships - so I just keep quiet. But it does make me steam as like OP was brought up to think the failure to thank someone for their gift was the height of bad manners

Theknacktoflying · 09/11/2019 15:11

The lack of manners is a bugbear. It obviously irks you that the parents feel it is okay not to say thank you ... either raise it with them.

I would also only stick to something small on the birthday of your GD. Christmas presents aren’t needed .

Original poster
ManonBlackbeak · 09/11/2019 15:12

Ponoka7 I get what you are saying, but I know it wouldn't go down well if I pointed out the rudeness. In fact I know it would cause a massive shit storm. They are the kind of parents who are always at the school complaining about every perceived slight towards their kids.

OP posts:
codenameduchess · 09/11/2019 15:15

YANBU I have this with mine and DHs godchildren, been railroaded into agreeing to be godparent anyway but have never had a single thank you from the children or their parents. There are 3 kids (2 of which are my godchildren), so that 3 lots of Christmas and birthday presents, Easter eggs too, gifts when the babies were born, christening gifts and then Christmas gifts for the parents, gifts for milestone birthdays, their engagement and wedding presents... not a single thank you ever. And also always thoughtful gifts too.

Its DHs best friend and his kids so I now refuse to buy anything and leave it to him.

My own DD always says thank you when she's given anything, I'm big on manners in general with her, sometimes in person or by message/video or card/letter. Same if me or DH is given anything, it takes almost no effort to just say thank you!

Drum2018 · 09/11/2019 15:17

This year I'd give them a selection box each - the ones you get on offer 3 for £5. If anyone dares complain then I'd make a point of saying that they never seem grateful for any gifts you have bought in the past so thought it best not to go overboard this year. That way you are making a point to their shit parents but not denying them a gift.

bridgetreilly · 09/11/2019 15:17

Either send them presents because you care about them and want to do it, or don't send them presents. But don't send presents and then get grumpy about their (lack of) response. You're the only one being made miserable by that.

FourEyesGood · 09/11/2019 15:18

If you see them personally, can you hand the presents over at that point? Surely they’ll say thank you at the time of giving (and if they don’t, they need a “What do you say?” reminder!)?

Original poster
ManonBlackbeak · 09/11/2019 15:21

I shouldn't need to remind a 10 year old to say 'Thank You' for a present. It should be something they do automatically they do at that age I'd have thought?

OP posts:
OkOkWhatsNext · 09/11/2019 15:22

If it were me I’d send a message to the parents after a few weeks saying did they get my presents? I wasn’t sure as hadn’t heard anything back from them.

If they don’t get it after that just give up.

Elliesmommy · 09/11/2019 15:24

Just stop. I have 3 children. Eldest is 3 next one is 2. They can and do say thank you if they get a gift. I would be mortified if they didnt.

Shameful for their parents

PurpleFrames · 09/11/2019 15:24

Nothing is automatic
All behaviour is learnt behaviour!

I always say please and thank you but am not surprised these kids don't as the majority of adults I meet do not.

Like a pp said not fair to punish the child for bad parenting

Theknacktoflying · 09/11/2019 15:25

Saying ‘please’, ‘thank you’ should be natural at that age ... but not with them.

Giving them a gift isn’t a pleasure/lack of manners of recipient takes the joy out of gift giving so why continue doing it?

Puzzledandpissedoff · 09/11/2019 15:50

I know it wouldn't go down well if I pointed out the rudeness ... They're the kind of parents who are always at the school complaining about every perceived slight towards their kids

IME the kind of parents who fail to teach their DC manners very often are

I guess you've got to decide how important the family are to you before deciding what to do, but is there any mileage in saying you're giving donations to charity instead of gifts this year? It's not something I'd normally suggest, but with folk like this it just might get you out of a hole ...

RolytheRhino · 09/11/2019 15:52

Depends on your motivation for giving the gifts, I suppose.

alexafindfilms · 09/11/2019 16:02

its rude. My DC send thank you notes the week after christmas. However I am positive both would thank someone for their gift without prompting (as they do). Theyre 10 and 11 and have even started thanking whoever pays for dinner when we go out (ie Nanny or Aunts/Uncles). Its rude and bad manners, I would stop buying.

hazell42 · 09/11/2019 16:05

Do they even know that they are off you?
Some parents just stick all the presents under the tree.
And to he fair, 10 is still quite young and Christmas is quite exciting. They are probably thinking about other things

WelshCake2019 · 09/11/2019 16:07

Totally get where your coming from except I get it with family!!!

sweetkitty · 09/11/2019 16:09

This kind of this irks me but it’s adults in my case. Every year we buy for DB, SIL, DNephew and DNeice, never a thank you. Last few years we’ve taken to driving for over an hours to visit and deliver presents to family on Xmas eve as we thought it’s a nice thing to do we don’t stay in each house long just enough time for a cuppa, chat and to wish the ones we won’t see a Merry Christmas and to deliver presents. Never a thank you after the big day.

My DB sends me £25 for each of the DC in my bank account at the start of September and that’s it, I buy them something and say it’s from them. Nothing not even a card for DH and I which is fine some people don’t bother with adult presents. But if someone buys you a present surely you say thanks?

Puzzledandpissedoff · 09/11/2019 16:11

10 is still quite young and Christmas is quite exciting. They are probably thinking about other things

So what's to stop the parents making a note of everyone who gave, then getting the DCs to send a quick text to multiple recipients?

After all it's not as if OP expects carefully crafted letters or even a card ...

Sistercharlie · 09/11/2019 16:17

Either send them presents because you care about them and want to do it, or don't send them presents. But don't send presents and then get grumpy about their (lack of) response. You're the only one being made miserable by that.

I agree with this philosophy and try to follow it, but after 15 yrs of sending thoughtful nice presents and barely getting any acknowledgement , never mind a thank you, you would have to be superhuman not to let it disappoint you a bit.

(I did however receive complaints when I didn't send cards and presents one year owing to illness!)

Chloe84 · 09/11/2019 16:26

YANBU. As a pp said, they don't deserve them. Just cards no cash or vouchers from now on.

Alsohuman · 09/11/2019 16:31

Depends on your motivation for giving the gifts, I suppose.

No, it doesn’t. Saying thank you for a present is the most basic of good manners.

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