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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to stop buying these children Christmas presents because they never say Thank You?

70 replies

ManonBlackbeak · 09/11/2019 14:55

Every Christmas I buy a present for my goddaughter and her siblings, I also buy my goddaughter a birthday present each year.

Goddaughter is now 10, and I can honestly say that in all the years Ive been buying for them Ive never once received a Thank You. Ever. I should add that I don't expect an extravagent, long handwritten letter or card but just a text or even a message to say that they've received the gifts would be nice. Over Christmas I will see them personally and they never say thank you to me, or anyone else for that matter. I therefore know its not personal and just a general lack of manners because their parents havent instilled it in them, but it really irks me.
DM made me personally phone everyone who'd bought me a present to say thank you every Christmas morning, and though that's also a bit extreme I just think an acknowledgement would be nice.

I feel like stopping altogether and spending more money on the family and friends who would actually appreciate it. Im not made of money.

OP posts:
Notajogger · 09/11/2019 16:34

YANBU. They obviously don't care, and if they like the presents themselves aren't bothered who they're from - let the bad mannered parents buy them gifts in which case!!

Nat6999 · 09/11/2019 16:38

My twin nephew & niece never thank me for their presents, it really annoys me because I always remind ds to say thank you if he hasn't already done so. Given the chance, I would stop presents off for them but my mum doesn't want me to start an argument. It wouldn't affect ds because they hardly give him anything compared to what I give them.

Deadringer · 09/11/2019 16:42

Even if they are being dragged up most people, even tiny ones, know to say thank you when they receive a gift. They hear it being said in school and by other people around them. I would stop buying for them, if anything is said to you I would say, oh they have never thanked me or acknowledged the gifts so I assumed they didn't like/want them.

Emeraldshamrock · 09/11/2019 16:46

Yanbu. This is awful. Were they not thought to say Thank you.
I'd be really disappointed if my DC did not have basic manners at their age.
I teach mine often in the house, when they get dinner or a drink they say thank you, never mind a gift.
Manners are free.

billy1966 · 09/11/2019 16:53

Selection boxes is the way to go.
3 for 5👍.

Very poor for them not to say thank you.
But it is down to the parents.

Otterseatpuffinsdontthey · 09/11/2019 16:59

Had the same. Used to post presents - until one year at the Post Office, the postage was over £20. Next birthday, put money in card. Not only didn't get a "Thankyou", but was informed, by adult relative, that the child preferred a present to open! Lesson learned - no more cards, money or gifts.
Entitled, rude, lazy and lacking basic good manners.

Dollymixture22 · 09/11/2019 17:05

I had this for years with my fiends children. They haven’t had manners drummed into them. Even the small stiff like buying them a drink or sweets they didn’t know to say thank you.

I put a lot of thought into a gift one year and next time I saw the little girl she ran over and told me how good at gift giving I am and excitedly told me about using the gift and what her friends had all said about it. She still didn’t say thank you but I got a big hug so I relaxed about the manners.

Effiedg · 09/11/2019 17:09

If the parents are prone to perceived slights against their children, you'd be wise to continue with the presents!

Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe · 09/11/2019 17:19

Same here OP...I hate bad manners its the height of rudeness and disrespect.All of my husbands family are like this from his parents down to his kids and their kid ...all 17 of them.Its not the money or the time its the sheer greed and entitled attitude that gets me ...they send us lists of what they want and what the kids want roughly we spend 100 per adult and 70 per kid as they choose exactly what they want and will not deviate ...do i ever get a thank you or a kiss my arse? no nothing..I hate doing it and get more resentful every year but I am stuck cos they are his family......I am so glad mine do not function like that.I just think they are mean selfish entitled inbread waste of skin the bloody lot of them...but i cant say that to DH...and I know you dont buy gifts to be reciprocated but that is a good job cos all we get me dh and our daughter is a tin of bloody naff rover biscuits to share....and i hate those more!!!!

Hedgehogparty · 09/11/2019 17:28

My elderly mother has been sending a young relative money birthday money in a card each year.
Now he’s a bit older, she never gets a thank you, even spoke to him on the phone recently, no acknowledgement at all.

She feels awkward about stopping, but I hope she does.

IrmaFayLear · 09/11/2019 17:38

After never receiving any acknowledgment or thanks for gifts from dns (and, in this day and age, a text will do; no need to sit down with the Basildon Bond and labour painfully over a letter) I ventured to ask my sil, "Did dn1 and dn2 receive their presents?"

Sil snorted and said she didn't think they had an obligation to thank people for "unsolicited gifts" Shock .

GrumpyHoonMain · 09/11/2019 17:41

You agreed to be a godparent. That comes with responsibilities. Otherwise what’s the point?

codenameduchess · 09/11/2019 17:43

You agreed to be a godparent. That comes with responsibilities. Otherwise what’s the point?

Not a responsibility to buy unwanted/unappreciated gifts. Surely the role of godparent is more suited to teaching the ungrateful brats little darlings how to say thank you.

Otterseatpuffinsdontthey · 09/11/2019 17:44

@GrumpyHoonMain
Think you are missing the point!

Alsohuman · 09/11/2019 17:46

You agreed to be a godparent. That comes with responsibilities. Otherwise what’s the point?

There’s no responsibility to give presents as a godparent. If you’re given a present there’s definitely a responsibility to say thank you.

EKGEMS · 09/11/2019 17:46

She didn't agree to be a gift giving robot for ungrateful children as godparent

Ragwort · 09/11/2019 17:52

It’s rude, I get this with my nieces & nephews, we don’t see them at Christmas to verbally say ‘thank you’ .... but just hear nothing (old fashioned cheques so I know they have been received as they are cashed).
My own sibling actually said to me ‘your DS is so good to send a thank you letter every birthday & Christmas’ Hmm .... because I put the thank you cards in front of him & make him write them ... even up to his 18th birthday Grin. Hopefully it’s hammered into him now & he understands good manners.
I was never quite brave enough to stop the presents, thankfully they are all over 18 now & we agreed no more presents.

DeRigueurMortis · 09/11/2019 17:54

I would absolutely stop buying gifts.

If you get contacted about it I'd also be honest and say that given this "complaint" is the first and only acknowledgement of 10 years worth of gifts you're somewhat surprised, given you'd assumed in the absence of any thank you they'd not appreciated your efforts, hence stopping sending anything.

Coquohvan · 09/11/2019 17:58

Same here. DH sisters daughter our niece, always gave Her birthdays &Christmas gifts. Nice thoughtful and not cheap either.
Fast forward to now She’s married 28 2 children, gave them all gifts. After she was around 13 no thank you from her.
Had enough of the ungrateful grabby nature.
My DH had a significant big birthday just after a big birthday of hers, gave her a lovely gift for hers he got a text. We don’t give to receive but come on no card or call, he was upset she’d done this to him. No falling out either.
I emailed her saying we weren’t buying Christmas or Birthday gifts now on other than our children & grandchildren, no parents or other siblings and giving a donation to charity.
Got a reply this reply, NO PROBLEM, in bold letters.
Hope we hit a nerve.

smartcarnotsosmartdriver · 09/11/2019 18:08

YANBU. In my experience this won't change, my cousins never say thank you. Mum sent a cheque as one of my older cousins had a baby. The cheque has now cleared and she hasn't even acknowledged that she received it. I sent them cards when I was old enough to send my own, didn't keep it up for long as there was no response at all.

TeddyToaster · 09/11/2019 18:14

@ManonBlackbeak As the kids are now a bit older, could you write in the card that you'd love for them to send you a video / photo if them enjoying the gifts as you're not there to see them open them? That may prompt further post-Christmas responses that include a thank you.

Or I'd buy them a card making kit and tell the kids that you'd love it if they made one for you! X

Sistercharlie · 09/11/2019 18:17

Sil snorted and said she didn't think they had an obligation to thank people for "unsolicited gifts"

Wow! This is so rude. I discovered this summer that my brother's partner has a similar attitude, so I am cutting down massively on presents this year and just sending tokens. It's not the DC's fault though which is why I am not stopping altogether.

MadisonAvenue · 09/11/2019 18:17

This is something that really annoys me.

We had close friends who moved away and we continued to send presents at Christmas and birthdays for their child. I got fed up of the lack of so much as an acknowledgement that the presents had arrived so one year I decided to send a card only for their child’s birthday
A few days later my husband received an irate call from his friend asking why a present hadn’t been sent.

It’s the same with the nephews on my husband’s side. They’re adults now so presents have stopped but we never received a thank you in all of the years that we bought for them. In fact, two are now married and both received substantial money gifts from us when they married. One sent a thank you but 18 months after the second one was married we’ve still not been thanked.

Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe · 09/11/2019 18:18

OOhhhh ladies after reading this thread I felt somewhat less alone in my grievance of the lack of thank yous and I have to tell you I have just done something about it!!! Usually I get lists/demands of what my dhs family want for xmas...this came as usual and with 17 to buy it cost many hundreds and I am sick of it.So as not to upset anyone and continue to do my duty I have got gifts but abandoned the lists sent! Gone has the Hugo Boss perfumes ,gone are the lego space centres and paw patrol headquaters,gone has the grey goose vodka and the GHD straaighteners...I have just ordered 17 gifts online for the grand total of 105.00 all in !!! 7 kids jamas personalized with their names and a selection box...done...4 mens jumpers done...6 ladies pyjamas done...I am taking back control because of you lot.They have now got gifts on my terms and I dont care if they thank me or not cos I know they wont but I dont care I have filled my obligation on my terms and they like it or lump it and I have saved my family a fortune!!! Ladies you have lifted my shackles and liberated me too...thank you

Bananasandchocolatecustard · 09/11/2019 18:28

I stopped sending a card and cash to my nephew because all the years I did this I never had even a thank you text. His mother (my sister) has not spoken to me since.