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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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To stop accepting everyday sexism and never use Asda again

723 replies

Canadalife · 08/11/2019 19:38

We had an Asda order delivered this evening. One item was incorrect (much more expensive item delivered instead of what we ordered....duck instead of chicken!). Being (stupidly) honest I raised it with the driver. He explained that the orders must have been muddled, Fair enough! He searched through the orders. No luck finding the chicken. I said ‘we need something to roast on Sunday’.

He kept calling me “love” throughout the conversation. When I said “please don’t call me love” he accused me of abusing him on the doorstep. I spoke firmly but was in no way confrontational or aggressive, didn’t shout, swear et cetera. Notably he didn’t call either my daughter or husband anything, but did refer to me consistently as love. I felt seriously patronised and belittled.

My husband said “no one is abusing you, she just asked you not to patronise her by calling her love”. The driver repeated that he would not be abused and drove off.

We certainly did not swear, shout or get angry. I am very upset and hate confrontation. I put up with lots of everyday sexism as we all do. I am totally fed up. AIBU to never shop at Asda again.

OP posts:
Leflic · 08/11/2019 21:07

He’s on minimum wage and has to drive round in the dark, finding houses and put up with the generally shit levels of driving and parking found in the U.K.
He delivered your shopping. He’d have given you the duck as a substitution. He’s saved you trapising you d the shops.
Be grateful for the small things instead of finding fault in nothing.

moreturkeyforme · 08/11/2019 21:07

What you going to have with the duck ?

cushioncovers · 08/11/2019 21:07

Try having a Waitrose delivery next week instead love op 😂

Tothemoonandbackx · 08/11/2019 21:10

Look love let me show you how to do it..
= Patronising 👎🏻
Sorry love I can't find it = Not Patronising 👍🏻

Most words can be conveyed in tone. Is this really something to moan about....seriously???? Then you've got more problems in life coming your way 🙄 get over yourself. I've had customers all men and all well into their 60's and 70's call me love, duck, and even flower....and do you know what...they even call them that to male colleagues, never heard anyone complain, mind you, I pick my battles 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻 xx

justthecat · 08/11/2019 21:10

I bet he wasn’t calling you love once he was back in his van

Ilovethekitties · 08/11/2019 21:10

@Leflic that's not OP's problem that the delivery driver has a shitty job. To say 'be grateful for the small things' is TERRIBLE, we should always strive for more. That reasoning of just settling might have stopped women from fighting to vote, to work and to not be general slaves to men. Very stupid comment.

Theromanempire · 08/11/2019 21:10

My nail technician calls me love all the time - I'm now trying to decide if that could be sexist if it's woman to woman or is it only sexist because it was a man? Same word, same intention?

Auba14 · 08/11/2019 21:10

I hate the terms hun or hon, it’s making me gag even writing them out, especially the latter, however I wouldn’t complain because someone called me by that - it’s a term of endearment.

But I guess this is welcome to 2019, where people will literally be offended by anything 🤷‍♀️

Greggers2017 · 08/11/2019 21:11

Where my nana was from between Barnsley and Wakefield, people always used to call each other cock! You'd be alright up there OP!
He probably carried on after you asked him not too, out of habit. I do it all the time and often don't realise that I am.

ClownsandCowboys · 08/11/2019 21:12

@ilovethekitties try reading the rest of the thread, where several people point out that I fact in many parts of the country men call other men love.

1Morewineplease · 08/11/2019 21:13

Yes, I did, @ I Ilovethekitties and I think that the OP should have said nothing. Creating a scene over this is rather puerile and says more about her than the Asda delivery driver.

Winter2019 · 08/11/2019 21:14

Did he still call you "love" after you asked him not to? In that case YANBU. But I really find it weird that he just drove off... Don't blame whole of the asda tho

Chloe84 · 08/11/2019 21:16

I get it, OP. Ignore the disingenuous ones here saying men call other random men love. They don't, we all know it.

Well done for speaking up.

He called you abusive to deflect the problem to you because you dared to challenge him. Flowers

VanyaHargreeves · 08/11/2019 21:17

A whole load of fuss over what is in many areas a universal colloquialism

I am a bit embarrassed for you.

Ilovethekitties · 08/11/2019 21:17

@ClownsandCowboys @1Morewineplease

You both should read the original thread. OP simply asked him not to refer to her as love and instead of respecting her wishes, he kicked off with absolutely shows a lack of respect over her choice not to be spoken to in such (in her opinion) a derogatory way. No matter your personal opinion, it should be respected. I personally believe that pet names specially towards women (men do not get called love down south where I am from) is a microaggression and shows a total lack of respect to gendered women. I do not feel however he would have done this on purpose, but SHOULD accept the wishes of how someone likes to be addressed.

TitsInAbsentia · 08/11/2019 21:17

Is this a reverse Grin

MaybeitsMaybelline · 08/11/2019 21:17

Have you moved ooop north and are not from these parts?

I could not get upset by that in the same way as I couldn’t get upset by a Londoner calling me darling, a Geordie pet or a Scottish hen.

I cannot for the life in me see this as sexism. I find your comments on needing something for a Sunday roast hilarious, like you were expecting him to whip a free range goose or a side of sirloin from his arse.

Ilovethekitties · 08/11/2019 21:18

@Chloe84 yes!

MaybeitsMaybelline · 08/11/2019 21:18

Oh and men get “love” in my part of Yorkshire.

WaterSheep · 08/11/2019 21:18

Ignore the disingenuous ones here saying men call other random men love. They don't, we all know it.

They do. I've heard it with my own ears. Hmm

Widowodiw · 08/11/2019 21:18

You’re defo overreacting love.

oohnicevase · 08/11/2019 21:19

Couldn't be bothered to care.. it's just a habit for a lot of people .. honestly this is a first world problem .. you do sound hard work op .

donquixotedelamancha · 08/11/2019 21:20

Ignore the disingenuous ones here saying men call other random men love. They don't, we all know it.

Yep: they are all lying, or northern, or poor. They should know not to speak to their betters like that.

JorisBonson · 08/11/2019 21:20

Last Asda delivery I had included some beers and some prosecco. Asda man exclaimed that the beers couldn't be for me, spotted the prosecco and said "aah that's yours".

Immediately looked mortified and apologised profusely. I paid it no further thought because I have bigger things to worry about.

EskewedBeef · 08/11/2019 21:20

Ignore the disingenuous ones here saying men call other random men love. They don't, we all know it.

You clearly haven't visited all parts of Britain because you're wrong, but carry on...