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AIBU?

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To stop accepting everyday sexism and never use Asda again

723 replies

Canadalife · 08/11/2019 19:38

We had an Asda order delivered this evening. One item was incorrect (much more expensive item delivered instead of what we ordered....duck instead of chicken!). Being (stupidly) honest I raised it with the driver. He explained that the orders must have been muddled, Fair enough! He searched through the orders. No luck finding the chicken. I said ‘we need something to roast on Sunday’.

He kept calling me “love” throughout the conversation. When I said “please don’t call me love” he accused me of abusing him on the doorstep. I spoke firmly but was in no way confrontational or aggressive, didn’t shout, swear et cetera. Notably he didn’t call either my daughter or husband anything, but did refer to me consistently as love. I felt seriously patronised and belittled.

My husband said “no one is abusing you, she just asked you not to patronise her by calling her love”. The driver repeated that he would not be abused and drove off.

We certainly did not swear, shout or get angry. I am very upset and hate confrontation. I put up with lots of everyday sexism as we all do. I am totally fed up. AIBU to never shop at Asda again.

OP posts:
Chloe84 · 10/11/2019 09:52

@WalkofShame

It’s really not null and void. It’s an example of men using the word ‘love’ to belittle a woman and therefore completely legitimate.

My husband is from Yorkshire, we spend a lot of time there and I have never heard a man refer to another man as ‘love’ and he says he has never either. It may happen once in a blue moon but it is not regularly used. So let’s not be coy or disingenuous.

WalkofShame · 10/11/2019 09:52

What? ^

It’s used equally between men and women up here. Are you wanting a statistical breakdown?

Chloe84 · 10/11/2019 09:53

And I only mention Yorkshire because of the people upthread who say it’s common for men to refer to men as love there.

WhiskeyLullaby · 10/11/2019 09:54

@WalkofShame tell me a man you personally know or even better you are related to that calls other men love regularly.

WalkofShame · 10/11/2019 09:54

You do realise that Yorkshire is a big place?

I can tell you now (having lived across three of the four counties in Yorkshire over twenty years as opposed to just visited), that it’s regional but it’s used in equal measure by men and women and towards men and women.

Chloe84 · 10/11/2019 09:54

Yes a statistical breakdown would be the only way you can convince me that man refer to men as live as much as they refer to women as love.

MephistophelesApprentice · 10/11/2019 09:55

Classist/regional snobbery.

WalkofShame · 10/11/2019 09:55

Husband, brother in law, many many co-workers over the years.

You do get that just because you haven’t seen it, it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t exist don’t you?

WalkofShame · 10/11/2019 09:56

Yes a statistical breakdown would be the only way you can convince me that man refer to men as live as much as they refer to women as love

The you’re either a troll or an idiot

WalkofShame · 10/11/2019 09:57

*then not the

spanglydangly · 10/11/2019 09:57

No it wasn’t. It was aimed at people who don’t get that this is a feminist issue, as signposted in the OP.

They don't have to see things the same way you do. It doesn't make them thick though.

And it’s funny how you object to the word ‘thick’ but you never objected to anyone calling the OP an idiot and a stuck up bitch. Why is that?

OP is able to fight her own battle, I'll fight mine. I wouldn't side with someone I think is wrong but nor would I call them an idiot.

Chloe84 · 10/11/2019 09:58

You asked me if I want a statistical breakdown and I said yes. Not sure how that makes me a troll or an idiot? 🤷‍♀️

couchparsnip · 10/11/2019 10:01

YANBU to ask them to stop calling you love if you don't like it. His reaction should have been to say OK and to stop calling you love. He shouldn't have accused you of abusing him. He was clearly the one overreacting to a simple request.

Chloe84 · 10/11/2019 10:01

@spanglydangly so you were happy to stand by and see an OP getting bullied because she should fight her own battles?

Thank God I will never be that person.

WalkofShame · 10/11/2019 10:02

If you’re genuinely not sure as opposed to being disingenuous, it’s helping me build a picture.

Chloe84 · 10/11/2019 10:04

If you can offer a statistical breakdown as a rhetorical question, I can accept your offer in the same vein @Walkofshame Wink

spanglydangly · 10/11/2019 10:08

@Chloe84 she has her husband and daughter, all three stood together and she's disappeared long ago. The whole thing was possibly a wind up as surely no one gets that upset about a missing chicken and being called love in a non confrontational way?

Thank god I'll never be as narrow minded and bigoted as you.

You call people thick, you're aggressive, you won't even entertain people's point of view but you state you wouldn't stand by and watch someone bullied for their own beliefs.

Yet you name call someone who has different beliefs to you.

You lost the argument at the point of name calling, you won't accept loads of people staring it's not sexism with rational explanations.

Anyone love I'm off to buy myself a chicken to roast, so you carry on arguing with the others on this thread that dare to disagree with you.

WalkofShame · 10/11/2019 10:09

@Chloe84

Fair point 😂

SallyWD · 10/11/2019 10:11

I live in Yorkshire (I'm a southerner so very aware of the regional differences). Men and women refer to each other as love. Men DO sometimes call each other love (I was struck by this when I first moved here as I'd never heard it down South) but yes it's more common for a man to call a women love or a woman to call a man love. I don't see it as sexist as both sexes call each other love equally - its not a male dominance thing in any way. It's said affectionately as a term of endearment. As a southerner I find Yorkshire people very warm and friendly - calling each other love is part of this. It's a way to show tenderness towards another person. THAT is why I find it quite upsetting for a person to be told off for showing a little tenderness.

haggistramp · 10/11/2019 10:14

All these people defending the use of the word love. Have you ever heard a man calling another man he doesn't know, love? Why not ? Cos its fucking sexist. I'm not saying that it's always said with malice, it is commonly used and accepted as colloquialism (whilst overlooking its sexist undertones). But if a women specifically asks a man not to use it, and he continues and becomes hostile, then I'm willing to bet hes a sexist arsey prick.

Chloe84 · 10/11/2019 10:14

@spanglydangly possibly the thread is a wind up but that’s no reason for posters to bully the OP. Just hide the thread.

Can you point out where out where I have been aggressive?

As far as I can see you have banded together with others on this thread against specific people on this thread (@WhiskeyLullaby, @SarahNade and me). That’s much worse than me calling the thread thick, because I didn’t pick on an individual at all.

WalkofShame · 10/11/2019 10:15

Haggis read the thread (or even just the last page of it) 🙄

Pardonwhat · 10/11/2019 10:18

Chloe84

On the contrary, I’d say you and some other posters have banded together against anyone who dares to disagree.

Chloe84 · 10/11/2019 10:19

@SallyWD I love spending time in Yorkshire and I think what many people have said on this thread that ‘love’ can be used as a term of endearment but it also can be used to belittle women. I’ve been called love before and found it lovely and warm and other times I’ve been called love and felt very patronised.

I can assure you that that the man who called me love here in London did not mean it as a term of endearment. It was used to shut me up and dismiss me.

We don’t even know if the OP is in Yorkshire so there should be no slight towards it.

Chloe84 · 10/11/2019 10:20

@Pardonwhat can you give us some examples?

And what were you and spangly doing earlier this morning when you were making fun of me, if not banding against me?

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