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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

To stop accepting everyday sexism and never use Asda again

723 replies

Canadalife · 08/11/2019 19:38

We had an Asda order delivered this evening. One item was incorrect (much more expensive item delivered instead of what we ordered....duck instead of chicken!). Being (stupidly) honest I raised it with the driver. He explained that the orders must have been muddled, Fair enough! He searched through the orders. No luck finding the chicken. I said ‘we need something to roast on Sunday’.

He kept calling me “love” throughout the conversation. When I said “please don’t call me love” he accused me of abusing him on the doorstep. I spoke firmly but was in no way confrontational or aggressive, didn’t shout, swear et cetera. Notably he didn’t call either my daughter or husband anything, but did refer to me consistently as love. I felt seriously patronised and belittled.

My husband said “no one is abusing you, she just asked you not to patronise her by calling her love”. The driver repeated that he would not be abused and drove off.

We certainly did not swear, shout or get angry. I am very upset and hate confrontation. I put up with lots of everyday sexism as we all do. I am totally fed up. AIBU to never shop at Asda again.

OP posts:
WhiskeyLullaby · 10/11/2019 10:21

Husband, brother in law, many many co-workers over the years.
You do get that just because you haven’t seen it, it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t exist don’t you?

Thank you.

Pardonwhat · 10/11/2019 10:23

Chloe84

You made fun of yourself being so ridiculous and pedantic.

Chloe84 · 10/11/2019 10:29

So no examples then @Pardon? Thought not!

Pardonwhat · 10/11/2019 10:30

Chloe84

Examples of WHAT?

Chloe84 · 10/11/2019 10:31

You said ‘On the contrary, I’d say you and some other posters have banded together against anyone who dares to disagree.’ and I asked for some examples.

meyouandlulutoo · 10/11/2019 10:46

Where I was born, both men and women use the term 'love', nothing is meant by it and it is certainly not used to be patronising. When I visit family I like it too, it is meant in a friendly way there.

WhiskeyLullaby · 10/11/2019 10:47

@meyouandlulutoo do the men use it for other men ?

nethunsinthatway · 10/11/2019 10:48

In all the uproar- has everyone missed the fact op could have m, in fact, just roasted the duck.

Chloe84 · 10/11/2019 11:02

No nethun that has been suggested a few times. But people do seem to have missed that OP was worried about being charged for the duck, for whatever reason. Maybe the delivery driver should have explained that she wouldn’t be charged for the duck.

Pardonwhat · 10/11/2019 11:05

Chloe84

I can’t be arsed going back through your posts. If you click back you’ll see them all clear as day.

And are you seriously suggesting that the delivery driver should have mansplained about ducks to OP!?!?!?

WhiskeyLullaby · 10/11/2019 11:06

Or that since the orders were muddled instead of a substitution, she didn't get to keep the duck and her chicken couldn't be found either.

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 10/11/2019 11:10

Definitely never use Asda again. Or indeed, any supermarket. The person at the checkout is liable to use "love" when handing you your receipt/change. If a woman called you "love" , would that offend you?

Where I'm from it's a term used by a lot of women of a certain age as a greeting. If I was to be offended every time I heard it I'd have to never leave the house.

nethunsinthatway · 10/11/2019 11:10

@WhiskeyLullaby I’m not sure that’s clear or not really. If the rest of the shopping was ok, and there was a chicken instead of a duck- then it’s very likely a sub.

If as the op says there was no chicken on the order at all- then it sounds like op didn’t actually order it.

The whole thing sounds like an absolute overreaction and fuss on both sides tbh.

Piglet89 · 10/11/2019 11:13

@littlehappyhippo very sensible post.

TryingToBeBold · 10/11/2019 11:29

I love how in some peoples view 'Alright Love' is a word to belittle women.
Be grateful you're not in some towns in the Midlands.
I believe the alternative is 'Alright slag'Grin
Then you'd really have something to moan about.

TryingToBeBold · 10/11/2019 11:30

I'm curious @Chloe84 if you would be just as offended if a woman called you love?

mothertruck3r · 10/11/2019 11:45

Sounds like anti-working class snobbery.

Chloe84 · 10/11/2019 11:52

@TryingToBeTold

In what scenario? I think women can also call other women ‘love’ to be patronising and dismissive.

The number of people who have called OP ‘love’ on this thread is a case in point.

Chloe84 · 10/11/2019 11:54

@Pardonwhat

And are you seriously suggesting that the delivery driver should have mansplained about ducks to OP!?!?!?

How is explaining to a customer that you have probably been substituted the duck for the chicken but don’t worry you will only be charged for the price of the chicken mansplaining? You have a warped view of sexism.

Summer23 · 10/11/2019 11:58

Seriously? Don’t you think the fact that OP uses the term ‘everyday sexism’ is her thread TITLE and her OP that this is a feminist issue?

@Chloe84 in answer to your question, I can read yes, but no not a feminist issue. The delivery driver was just trying to be nice and op was angry because her chicken was missing.

Summer23 · 10/11/2019 12:00

@Chloe84 it depends on the tone used clearly. ‘Love’ is actually a nice word if used properly!

Chloe84 · 10/11/2019 12:02

Well OP saying she was stupidly honest and said she had ordered the chicken not the more expensive duck implies she didn’t mind receiving the duck, she was just worried that it belonged to someone else. I don’t get a sense that OP was angry about it.

Chloe84 · 10/11/2019 12:03

@Summer23

@Chloe84 it depends on the tone used clearly. ‘Love’ is actually a nice word if used properly!

I completely agree.

WhiskeyLullaby · 10/11/2019 12:08

Sounds like anti-working class snobbery.

Because no one that's working class gets food delivered.

I think the snobbery accusation lies elsewhere.

Summer23 · 10/11/2019 12:17

It was the comment about needing something to roast and her ‘firm tone’ that implied the op was not happy. Sometimes you win with online food orders and sometimes you lose.

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