To stop accepting everyday sexism and never use Asda again

[Canadalife]

We had an Asda order delivered this evening. One item was incorrect (much more expensive item delivered instead of what we ordered....duck instead of chicken!). Being (stupidly) honest I raised it with the driver. He explained that the orders must have been muddled, Fair enough! He searched through the orders. No luck finding the chicken. I said ‘we need something to roast on Sunday’.

He kept calling me “love” throughout the conversation. When I said “please don’t call me love” he accused me of abusing him on the doorstep. I spoke firmly but was in no way confrontational or aggressive, didn’t shout, swear et cetera. Notably he didn’t call either my daughter or husband anything, but did refer to me consistently as love. I felt seriously patronised and belittled.

My husband said “no one is abusing you, she just asked you not to patronise her by calling her love”. The driver repeated that he would not be abused and drove off.

We certainly did not swear, shout or get angry. I am very upset and hate confrontation. I put up with lots of everyday sexism as we all do. I am totally fed up. AIBU to never shop at Asda again.

doublebarrellednurse

I think most people’s exception is to OP saying that the use of the word ‘love’ is sexism.

We’ve been asked at work to refrain from using ‘Sir’ ‘madam’ in case of offending someone who doesn’t identify as a man or a woman (yes... I know). A Geordie colleague of mine said ‘well I’ll be calling everyone pet then!’ And it made me think of this thread soon we shall all be saying ‘excuse me, human’.

I think most people’s exception is to OP saying that the use of the word ‘love’ is sexism.

That is my exception too. Not liking a delivery man saying “love” in a region where it is culturally accepted and viewed as friendly doesn’t equal sexism. And definitely not to the point of boycotting his employer in protest. Maybe Canadalife should take her Life in U.K. test.

Not liking a delivery man saying “love” in a region where it is culturally accepted and viewed as friendly doesn’t equal sexism

You assume she lives in such a region.

WhiskeyLullaby

Ok then - maybe the man was FROM a region where it’s acceptable.
I’ve never in my life used the word ‘love’ to someone sexistly. I use it every day.
This whole thread is ridiculous.
What’s the desire? To get a man sacked just before Christmas for trying to reason with her?
Professionally offended.

😂😂😂😂

I should've made a bet that you'd answer with "maybe he's from.."

And if somehow OP can confirm he's not not then it'll be
Maybe he lives with someone that's from
Or
Maybe he spends a lot of time in holiday in that region
Or
Maybe he's being possessed by the ghost of a man from that region.

Anything and everything goes in the realms of what ifs when it comes to defending a man and getting to shut up a woman/proving to her she's in the wrong.

Do you hope the poor man is ok too?

@WhiskeyLullaby I hope the man is also OK, the OP, the husband and the child all being on the doorstep to take in an Asda food shop is so unnecessarily confrontational. Also being made to search for a chicken that isn't there as OP has the "it's been substituted note".

He was just wanting to get on with his job, not pacify a ridiculous female shopper.

Oh yeah the child especially must've been sooo intimidating.

OH is sometimes behind the door and I pass the bags to him ,as the driver hands them over, to take into the kitchen. DD is half sticking her out too most times grinning at the driver,saying hello or doing her spider woman routine and climbing the opposite doorframe.

So intimidating. So aggressive. So abusive. You definitely wouldn't want to meet us on a dark street.

@WhiskeyLullaby how old was the DC? I think OP says 16?

I think it's actually an adult daughter but still irrelevant. They're taking the shopping in,not launching an organised guerrilla attack.

WhiskeyLullaby

Just because someone is a woman doesn’t make them right. This being an example of that

@WhiskeyLullaby actually I don't think the OP mentioned age at all, but in your little imagined scenario to put the blame on the man, it was an endearing little girl, just smiling sweetly.

The whole family male, female, female, could not possibly have been unreasonable asking the operative to look for a substituted item that was never going to be there, because it was substituted! It was "I'll need something to roast on Sunday" so sort this out for me. When one of them could've just got a chicken from wherever before Sunday, ridiculous situation and if you don't want to accept sometimes crazy substitutes then don't shop online and go to the shop yourself.

But of course the man is wrong that despite the ridiculousness of the request he used the term "love", I would've not been thinking love at all!

Well said @Pardonwhat!

but in your little imagined scenario to put the blame on the man, it was an endearing little girl, just smiling sweetly.

That's because it wasn't made up , just explained what happens nearly every weekend when my food delivery comes. 9 out of 10 times it's all three of us.

You are the one that used the term child,after that I did some research and OP's daughter is actually an adult(Uni) unless she has other kids.

All irrelevant really, a family mucking in and helping to put the food shop away is in no way confrontational or aggressive. Especially since they were there anyways before they were even aware of the the chicken/duck situation.

@WhiskeyLullaby oh come on the OP was sending the guy in a wild goose chase looking for a substituted chicken!

The chicken had been substituted it wasn't there and he's trying to pacify someone is gat needs something to roast two days later.... calm down love!

I live n Yorkshire and men are called 'love' too

12th rule of misogyny: Women's ability to recognize male behavior patterns is misandry.

One item was incorrect (much more expensive item delivered instead of what we ordered....duck instead of chicken!). Being (stupidly) honest I raised it with the driver. He explained that the orders must have been muddled, Fair enough! He searched through the orders. No luck finding the chicken.

Was it a substitute though and did OP get to keep the duck?

Re reading it it seems possible that the duck belonged to someone else(the orderS got muddled),by pointing it out the duck then went in the bags for the correct person , while her chicken was not found. Possibly why "we need something to roast on Sunday" was made.

Not that the OP will come back to this shit show to clarify,and I don't blame her.

@WhiskeyLullaby oh my god that's even worse, she expects the guy to stand on her doorstep while she, husband and uni child check all
The shopping!

Give me strength the man deserves employee of the week for only calling her love!

As you say your DH takes them into the kitchen, do you check the items all off for completeness?

@WhiskeyLullaby maybe the delivery driver set the whole #duckgate scenario up to be able to abuse the OP by calling her love...... now back in the real world .....

I'm not the biggist fan of being called love but I would never boycott Asda (it's my nearest supermarket!)

I check the fags at the door as customer services got huffy when I had some missing more than once.
I explained why to the delivery driver today and he said "why would they get huffy? You're the customer". We laughed. No one died. No one was called love. He didn't feel abused or confronted by the three of us being there. The fags were all there. Life is good.

FFS 🙄

Oh and OH normally checks the eggs..most of the time.

Oh course you do, you and the OP do everything exactly the same, people at the door, the way you check, the way you don't like being called love and it's a reportable offence! @WhiskeyLullaby are you the OP?

I've never experienced huffy supermarkets on missed items, they've always been fine.