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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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To stop accepting everyday sexism and never use Asda again

723 replies

Canadalife · 08/11/2019 19:38

We had an Asda order delivered this evening. One item was incorrect (much more expensive item delivered instead of what we ordered....duck instead of chicken!). Being (stupidly) honest I raised it with the driver. He explained that the orders must have been muddled, Fair enough! He searched through the orders. No luck finding the chicken. I said ‘we need something to roast on Sunday’.

He kept calling me “love” throughout the conversation. When I said “please don’t call me love” he accused me of abusing him on the doorstep. I spoke firmly but was in no way confrontational or aggressive, didn’t shout, swear et cetera. Notably he didn’t call either my daughter or husband anything, but did refer to me consistently as love. I felt seriously patronised and belittled.

My husband said “no one is abusing you, she just asked you not to patronise her by calling her love”. The driver repeated that he would not be abused and drove off.

We certainly did not swear, shout or get angry. I am very upset and hate confrontation. I put up with lots of everyday sexism as we all do. I am totally fed up. AIBU to never shop at Asda again.

OP posts:
spanglydangly · 09/11/2019 15:05

@WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles the vast majority didn't say don't report him because he'd lose his job, they just said it was a nonevent!

Still cannot fathom the need to bring child abuse into this?

BoomBoomsCousin · 09/11/2019 15:06

@Amimissingsomethinghere I’ve done deliveries, though pizza rather than groceries. It can be a crap job but it’s not really a hard one.

Greyhound22 · 09/11/2019 15:09

I think there are far greater things to worry about in relation to sexism than people saying 'love'. Don't move to the Black Country - you'll be 'love' 'mate' 'chick' and notably in some areas 'cock'. Most used for men and women and as someone says does not indicate the users feelings or attitude to women.

Personally feel overreacting to these things does women's causes no good at all and I'm all for stamping out everyday sexism - I really don't think this is it.

Fair enough complain to Asda but I think you're being fairly ridiculous to suggest that a delivery driver calling you 'love' means a company the size of Asda is sexist.

WhiskeyLullaby · 09/11/2019 15:14

I wonder how many people refer to their child's teacher as chick,duck,cock,mate or even love.

Or their doctor.

Or their clients.

Or at a job interview.

slavetothemoney · 09/11/2019 15:16

My postman calls me 'sweetheart'.
Doesn't bother me one bit.

Longblondeandblueeyes · 09/11/2019 15:16

OMG...the professionally offended. Is this seriously all you have to worry about? Poor bloke, on minimum wage, and he has to deal with this shite! You sound unhinged!

Babyg1995 · 09/11/2019 15:20

Surely this is a wind upConfused

Meadowland · 09/11/2019 15:29

Unfortunately people who complain about nothing - especially about a poor delivery man just trying to be friendly - are on the increase in this country.
I really hope the delivery man is ok and doesn't stop being friendly.
Shame on you @Canadalife

MargotB7 · 09/11/2019 15:30

Some women say Love though so how can it be sexist?

I think some of you have got bigger issues.

Ilovethekitties · 09/11/2019 15:31

You Daily Mail readers are out in full force today Hmm

WhiskeyLullaby · 09/11/2019 15:38

I really hope the delivery man is ok

GrinGrin

Seriously?

charactersonclothesaretrashy · 09/11/2019 15:38

YABVU op
I am assuming you are Canadian and not British? We use 'love' a lot in Britain , just like Canadians like to end every sentence with 'eh'.

Poor man was just doing his job and obviously felt abused by you and your husband/ child.

chocolatesaltyballs22 · 09/11/2019 15:38

Get a grip love.

DrCoconut · 09/11/2019 15:42

Some of my students call me love. They're from Yorkshire and it's just second nature. People used to say cock when I worked near Salford.. If I got wound up over this stuff I'd spend my life in a state of perpetual offence.

Meadowland · 09/11/2019 15:44

@WhiskeyLullaby Yes seriously

spanglydangly · 09/11/2019 15:47

Hopefully the reason why OP hasn't come back is because she's busy in Waitrose buying a chicken to roast tomorrow!

She couldn't roast the duck that would drive her quackers.

Chloe84 · 09/11/2019 16:11

@spanglydangly

you go ahead and seduce that everyone that didn't agree with you is thick! An awful lot of people you're seducing are thick on this thread then? grin

No need to get excited, seduce was a typo for deduce. Could you really not work that out? I think my previous post about the intelligence level on this that was correct...

blueluce85 · 09/11/2019 16:27

And this is the reason bigger issues get missed.... People shouting sexism for a word like "love"

WhiskeyLullaby · 09/11/2019 16:31

And somehow it's OP that should have bigger things to worry about. Oh,the irony.

Ilovethekitties · 09/11/2019 16:40

@blueluce85 bigger issues do also get missed, but we should sort out ALL issues surrounding sexism not just the ones you deam important. I will always fight to be an equal and to me that inclides misinformed and derogatory language.

blueluce85 · 09/11/2019 17:02

@ilovethekitties how do you come to the conclusion that "love" is derogatory?!

The times I have been called love feel affectionate, not sexist... Plenty of terms that I can think of that is sexist. And yes, you need to get people on board to fight against what is and isn't sexism... And so many people here do not deem it sexism and I, and lots of other people would prefer the term not warrant some sort of caution or punishment for the person saying it.
You don't have the right to take away free speech like that on a perfectly acceptable word of the English language

spanglydangly · 09/11/2019 17:03

No need to get excited, seduce was a typo for deduce. Could you really not work that out? I think my previous post about the intelligence level on this that was correct...*

Yep you certainly were correct, thick people on this thread for sure! If they don't agree with you they're thick! It makes you sound so intelligent.

Seeline · 09/11/2019 17:18

I don't like being called Love by complete strangers! It does sound patronising, and makes me feel as if the other person is trying to put me in my place - especially if that person is male.

Those of you calling it a term of endearment, fine, but surely you only use terms of endearment when addressing those who are close to you, not strangers?

In a professional situation, it really isn't appropriate.

And if someone asks politely for you to stop addressing them in a certain way, I really think this should happen.

I suppose the issue here, is how polite the OP actually was when making the request.

Creepster · 09/11/2019 17:44

In my opinion the woman and her partner who were there probably have a more accurate assessment of the situation than the people on this thread trying to find an excuse for a man who refused to take no for an answer.

doublebarrellednurse · 09/11/2019 19:33

I'm more shocked that so many people on this thread feel that because they feel a certain way about something that everyone else should.

You're ok with love
The OP wasn't

Apparently everyone would be ok with asking someone to not call them something and them continuing to.

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