To stop accepting everyday sexism and never use Asda again

[Canadalife]

We had an Asda order delivered this evening. One item was incorrect (much more expensive item delivered instead of what we ordered....duck instead of chicken!). Being (stupidly) honest I raised it with the driver. He explained that the orders must have been muddled, Fair enough! He searched through the orders. No luck finding the chicken. I said ‘we need something to roast on Sunday’.

He kept calling me “love” throughout the conversation. When I said “please don’t call me love” he accused me of abusing him on the doorstep. I spoke firmly but was in no way confrontational or aggressive, didn’t shout, swear et cetera. Notably he didn’t call either my daughter or husband anything, but did refer to me consistently as love. I felt seriously patronised and belittled.

My husband said “no one is abusing you, she just asked you not to patronise her by calling her love”. The driver repeated that he would not be abused and drove off.

We certainly did not swear, shout or get angry. I am very upset and hate confrontation. I put up with lots of everyday sexism as we all do. I am totally fed up. AIBU to never shop at Asda again.

And to @WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles comparing men slapping your arse every day, to men just calling you 'love' in passing, is a ridiculous straw-man argument. They are in no WAY the same. FFS!!!

I seriously pity any men who work with some of the women on this thread. They'd be afraid to breathe near them, and would be afraid to go within 6 feet of them, in case they accidentally touch them when they brush past them, and get accused of doing something untoward!

I would genuinely hate to be a man in today's world. They must be afraid to go near women, or even talk to women, in case they say the 'wrong' thing.

@Dontdisturbmenow

People with your attitude really annoy me. It's you who acts like a patronizing superior attitude, and frankly pollute our society with nastiness.

So what you were called a name of endearment, one that has been used for a long time, which is supposed to show a friendly temperament and good nature.

I feel really sorry for these people who try to bring a bit of good humour, positivism in life who are being put down by the haughtiness of people who are stuck up and play the sexism card any chance they get because it makes them feel good about themselves.

This X 1000. ^

Every time I am called 'love' or 'duck' or 'sweetie' or 'honey' or something similar, I find it quite sweet. As you say, it's a term of endearment, and is actually really nice.

I can't believe some women kick off about it, like someone just shit on their cornflakes. They must have a very blessed life to get so wound up and angry about something so utterly trivial.

these names have undermined women for years and are not equal peer to peer greetings but ultimately show a lack of respect a

Some names have, but not all and not “love”. Love is a term of endearment that has a long history of being used to convey respect to a social equal within the lower class and willingness to help. The Op was more offended at being thought the equal of a lower class man (she is above that class).
It’s not like “babe” or “sugar” which are of sexual origin and were used to refer to harlots.
I think some people need to look up each word and not assume every word has the same history.

'I would genuinely hate to be a man in today's world. They must be afraid to go near women, or even talk to women, in case they say the 'wrong' thing'

Meanwhile 2 women a week are murdered by men known to them. Poor men though women are awful too then.

@PlanDeRaccordement Try and read the message properly. I said silencing a woman because the driver may lose his job, is AKIN to a person not wanting to report abuse or rape in fear of the person losing their position. It is the same thinking that leads to silencing a woman. I wasn't 'comparing' the actions at all, don't be disingenuous.

To them

Not too then!

People who think men have a worse time from women than vice versa are going round with their eyes shut tbh what a ridiculous thing to say.

@littlehappyhippo good for you! But that doesn't mean that all women have to live by your mantra that we are just being 'whiny' and its funny that you say that as it's quite common for people who challenge everyday microaggression like this to automatically paint the people as 'angry', 'stupid' or 'petty'. Next time instead of commenting abuse, why don't you take the time to educate yourself on the meaning behind some of these words some of you women are so desperate on protecting and perhaps we can have a real conversation. Closing your eyes and putting your fingers in your ears doesn't stop the conversation from happening.

@littlehappyhippo

I thought so too. It was SarahNade who wrote that.

The OP isn’t coming back because she knows she’s a wanker

I think the drivers behavior was fowl.

@PlanDeRaccordement That saying a woman shouldn't report abuse because 'he may lose his job one month before Christmas' is the same as telling victims of other crime not to report because the perpetrator may lose his job? Yes, I did exactly say that. And no one of average intelligence would have any issue with what I said. Because is the basic common truth.

Love is not a sexist term. Where I live (oop north), everyone is love. Women to men, women to women and, yes, men to women. No offence or disrespect is meant. In Liverpool, you used to get called 'queen'. You don't hear it as much anymore, but on the odd occasion you do, I really like it.

@Fraggling
Yes a round up 2 women per week are killed by men they know.
But how much do you really know about homicide? In U.K.?
From the ONS
“As in previous years, women were far more likely than men to be killed by partners or ex-partners (33% of female victims compared with 1% of male victims), and men were more likely than women to be killed by friends or acquaintances (25% of male victims compared with 7% of female victims).”

“As in previous years, the majority of homicide victims in the year ending March 2018 were male (69%, 499 victims) and 31% were female (227 victims).

The number of male victims has increased at a faster rate than females in recent years. The figure of 499 male victims of homicide was an increase of 54% from 324 in the year ending March 2015. In contrast, the number of female homicide victims had remained broadly flat until increasing by 49 homicides (28%, excluding Hillsborough victims) in the year ending March 2018. (Figure 2).”
www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/crimeandjustice/articles/homicideinenglandandwales/yearendingmarch2018

@SarahNade
No. You need to pick a better ability for a man using “love” than comparing it to child rape.
For one, the first does no harm, the second does lifelong harm
For two, the first involves adults, the second involves an adult harming a child
For three, the first is not even morally wrong and the second is one of the most serious crimes in existence
For four, the first is verbal and not even any abuse or rudeness, the second is a physical assault.

You greatly minimise and disrespect victims of child rape by likening and saying anything about the situations are “the same thing” or “akin to” a delivery man addressing a woman as “love” when that determined by the regional dialect and culture to be both respectful and friendly.
You were disingenuously attempting to appropriate the pain and suffering of child rape victims to whip up outrage over the op being called “love”

*not ability, but anology. Sorry

A lot of problems on here could be solved by people simply reading posts thoroughly, and in context, before replying.

Plan

Who is killing men? Not women, other men.

I was responding to pp who said
'I would genuinely hate to be a man in today's world. They must be afraid to go near women, or even talk to women, in case they say the 'wrong' thing''

Ie it's worse to be a man than a woman in the UK because of how women treat men.

Which is a patently ridiculous statement given what happens around women's treatment by men.

@Fraggling I was going to reply to that poster that it is men that are killing other men, but given their disingenuous habit of taking things out of context and twisting them, I figured it was a waste of time.

No you are allowed to say you don't like being call led something.
I hate duck, love, hen and depending on context I will ask people to stop and if I do I expect them too. Up until that point I don't feel I would be upset just a little irked. However once I asked not to be called something I would expect that to be respected.
What interests me in a lot of the replies which are saying you are being unreasonable and a bit of a snowflake is non of them is being directed at the male driver who seemed to act in a totally disproportionate and rude manner to a reasonable request.

This thread is a bit handmaideny. Of course it's sexist. Men don't call each other love
No, where I live they call each other 'cock' as in 'Aw'right cock, how's it doin'?'

I'm a woman, I call everyone love, do people really get enraged about this?? Apparently so.
I'm happy being called love!!

Op, Don't come to my neck of the woods, you would have to toughen up pretty dam quick if you want to make it through the day! Everyone from your friends, postman, checkout cashier, person on the street, taxi driver etc etc calls you 'love' It's actually quite nice, the men get called 'mate', 'cock' and the like.

Yabu. It is regional or generational, not sexist.
I future I am sure he'll whip out his pda before calling anyone love.
I feel a bit sorry for him, he checked your order, searched for a mistake, he is not a packer, he tried to reassure you.
You and DH out heckling him over a chicken.
Contact head office.
Btw like pp's your husband was the sexist one in the scenario.

Quel dommage. It seems when the argument is lost on the basis of facts and logic, the fall back position is to personally attack moi, the messenger:

lack of intelligence and a lack of ability to comprehend dialogue in context. Oh yes. You already said I am not of average intelligence.

Would you like to discuss the actual matter or have you really reverted to the playground “ you’re so stupid” chant?

Poor man. Was he older? I think it's a generation thing rather than a sexist thing and I think you definitely over reacted. You probably embarrassed him!