To stop accepting everyday sexism and never use Asda again

[Canadalife]

We had an Asda order delivered this evening. One item was incorrect (much more expensive item delivered instead of what we ordered....duck instead of chicken!). Being (stupidly) honest I raised it with the driver. He explained that the orders must have been muddled, Fair enough! He searched through the orders. No luck finding the chicken. I said ‘we need something to roast on Sunday’.

He kept calling me “love” throughout the conversation. When I said “please don’t call me love” he accused me of abusing him on the doorstep. I spoke firmly but was in no way confrontational or aggressive, didn’t shout, swear et cetera. Notably he didn’t call either my daughter or husband anything, but did refer to me consistently as love. I felt seriously patronised and belittled.

My husband said “no one is abusing you, she just asked you not to patronise her by calling her love”. The driver repeated that he would not be abused and drove off.

We certainly did not swear, shout or get angry. I am very upset and hate confrontation. I put up with lots of everyday sexism as we all do. I am totally fed up. AIBU to never shop at Asda again.

I hate being called love too.

Yes love. I'd complain and hope he gets the sack. Have a good day sweet cheeks.

What annoys me about this is the perpetually offended like the op (not to mention the pp who simultaneously details this incident as microaggresion but apparently believes people haven't eaten Sunday dinners for decades ) do so much damage to the belief that real sexism still exists.

Women are still in some cases being paid less than men, women who need support in domestic violence situationso are still being discriminated against but because the ridiculous people are moaning over things like this we all get lumped into being woke and petty. It undermines when we have a real argument over genuine seismic because we lose our credibility when people like the OP clutch their pearls over a colloquialism that has no sexist intention.

Op you are not fighting the power you are undermining the challenge of true sexism. Please don't it makes things harder for the rest of us.

Urgh sexism not seismic. ...I rarely ever type about random platelet movement no idea why that auto corrected

Oh look, a snob who likes to put working class people in their place ( way, way below her obviously), whilst shopping at...Asda. ffs

What stuns me is that people think one cannot walk and chew gum at the same time. That one cannot possibly fight for awareness of domestic violence or wage parity and point out sexist terms, at the same time. That it is an either/or scenario. That small-minded backwardness does nothing stop sexism, indeed all it does it make one more acceptable than the other. Some may be incapable of addressing two things at once, but don't assume everyone is as multi-challenged.

Sexism is multi-layered, one of those layers is language. It takes chipping away at all layers to stop sexism, which leads to situations like DV and wage disparity. Language matters. Ask other minorities.

OP you should at least complain for the fact he lied and said you were abusing him, when you weren't. You need to call and give your version, no doubt he has done the same

Yes, if you want to get a delivery driver sacked a month before Christmas that is exactly what you should do

Enjoy your day.

I hate being called love, not sure why so many women feel the need to defend men’s perceived right to call women love/darling/sweetheart etc. Apparently if you’re a woman who doesn’t like being referred to in such a way by random men, you’re the unreasonable one.

I didn’t buy a car from a sales man who insisted on calling my partner Sir and me Pet. What a bitch that must make me.

So a woman, once again, should keep quiet. Just in case she gets someone (who abused her) sacked. She should just keep quiet.

Charming. No wonder we are making no progress when women ourselves are our own worst enemy.

@AngelsSins If you were going to buy that car one month before Christmas, then yes, you probably cost a man a bonus, one month before Christmas.

@SarahNade agreed! Although it's harder for some people to see it as a microaggression - many people on here have said 'it's not that big of a deal is it'. Luckily not all of us think this way and hopefully can educate and slowly move things forward to more of an equal field.

Standard in Yorkshire and a term of endearment for men and women, I couldn’t get worked up about it.

@Shinyletsbebadguys why is it down to you what constitutes 'real' sexism? I don't personally feel like unless I'm being beaten to a pulp I don't have a reason to tell a man when he is using language that makes me feel uncomfortable. I can imagine people like you probably think wolf whistling is perfectly acceptable and we should 'just accept a compliment' - your opinion is laughable.

I have a friend who calls everyone duck! It's just something she does. I don't think she even notices she's doing it. I don't think he was belittling you, although he could have stopped when you asked

@AngelsSins agreed! This thread has opened my eyes to the hatred people have towards women who ask not to be addressed the way a man chooses, the way these posters have twisted the OP into some deranged bitch is astounding.

@Drivenmad80 the point is that she did feel like he was referring to her in a sexist manner, she asked him to stop, he did not and now she is being attacked on here for it.

YANBU I hate being called luv

Just show how ou get different answers on different days and how people like to jump on a band wagon. It’s perfectly reasonable to ask someone not to call you love.

Ok I’m obviously completely missing the point but don’t all supermarkets routinely substitute items they don’t have in stock with similar ones? No chicken so take a duck. They’re both birds, love.

SarahNade. Oh how I wish I was as forward thinking and progressive as you. I would absolutely love to get so offended all the time, it sounds amazing.
Oh and of course people still cook Sunday roasts. Do you find that offensive as well?

I’m obviously also totally misssing the point, since people keep asking why the OP wasn’t gracious enough to accept something she didn’t order, but I would personally not want to eat duck instead of chicken. But then I also don’t cook roasts so what do I know

I love how some posters know exactly what went went through this man's head,his intent and that he meant no harm. A man they've never met about an interaction they never witnessed.

I didn't jump on any bandwagon.

I have an Uncle from Sheffield who says it and he is lovely and not sexist at all.

I'm sure some woman think I need educating on some matters but I haven't got the time or inclination. I'm going to Tesco soon, I risk being called Duck today.

@Thurmanmurman You don't think you're over-reacting yourself? "offended all the time". No one is saying some people should be offended all the time, but terms that are clearly offensive and demeaning shouldn't be met with this much resistance. No doubt it's the same type of resistance that the n word met. And I didn't say there was anything wrong with a Sunday roast. There isn't. Just that, where I am at least, people are too busy too cook big roasts and all the trimmings, and women and men are less inclined to spend that much time. Roasts here are for special occasions. Even then, no one wants to go to the bother of cooking them.