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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To stop accepting everyday sexism and never use Asda again

723 replies

Canadalife · 08/11/2019 19:38

We had an Asda order delivered this evening. One item was incorrect (much more expensive item delivered instead of what we ordered....duck instead of chicken!). Being (stupidly) honest I raised it with the driver. He explained that the orders must have been muddled, Fair enough! He searched through the orders. No luck finding the chicken. I said ‘we need something to roast on Sunday’.

He kept calling me “love” throughout the conversation. When I said “please don’t call me love” he accused me of abusing him on the doorstep. I spoke firmly but was in no way confrontational or aggressive, didn’t shout, swear et cetera. Notably he didn’t call either my daughter or husband anything, but did refer to me consistently as love. I felt seriously patronised and belittled.

My husband said “no one is abusing you, she just asked you not to patronise her by calling her love”. The driver repeated that he would not be abused and drove off.

We certainly did not swear, shout or get angry. I am very upset and hate confrontation. I put up with lots of everyday sexism as we all do. I am totally fed up. AIBU to never shop at Asda again.

OP posts:
Amimissingsomethinghere · 09/11/2019 07:12

@BoomBoomsCousin but have you done that job?

To me it looks quite hard in the sense that it's pretty crap pay, pretty boring and probably a bit soul destroying, with some people not treating you with much respect.. you're just the delivery guy. Not hard in an intellectual way.

Spam88 · 09/11/2019 07:28

Please don't report him to Asda, they'll most likely sack him.

I'd have been quite happy with a duck substituted for a chicken! Especially given how questionable Asda subs often are 😂

As for delivering stuff isn’t a particularly hard job - it's a very physical job and Asda don't give any practical manual handling training, there's no provision for access to toilets, and drivers are constantly behind schedule because journey times are based on travelling at the speed limit despite the vans being limited to 56. All pretty shot conditions that would make it quite a hard job in my book.

C0c01823 · 09/11/2019 07:32

This is not sexism, men call men ‘love’ too

Sceptre86 · 09/11/2019 07:38

My dad says, 'love' a lot. He doesn't mean anything by it, english is his second language and the concept of it being offensive to some women is lost on him. He would see it as a respect thing ie. being respectful by referring to a women in a polite way. I have told him that a lot of women find it belittling and to try not to use it. He uses it a lot less now. It isn't something I would have got worked up over to be honest, made a normal exchange very awkward for all concerned.

spanglydangly · 09/11/2019 07:41

Oh God people are thick on this thread 😂*

Thankfully OP has long gone and probably hidden this shitfest.

@Chloe84*

People have a different opinion to yours so they're thick..... oh the irony love!

SallyWD · 09/11/2019 07:51

You clearly couldn't cope with living in Yorkshire! I get called love a dozen times a day and it's in no way sexist. Men call me love, women call me love. Women call men love, men call women love. Basically every calls each other love or "my love". The sainsburys bakery man who sliced my bread yesterday said "Here you are my love". The woman who served me at Wilkos said "Do you need a bag my love?". I bloody love it! There's something so caring and affectionate about the way its said. I hate it when uptight people have a problem with it.

LivingDeadGirlUK · 09/11/2019 07:56

I don't understand the issue with being called 'love' but it was rude of him to dissmiss you asking him to stop using it and 'being abused on the doorstep' was quite overdramatic of him. Call customer services and let them know what happened.

57Varieties · 09/11/2019 08:00

In Scotland he might have called you “hen”. That might have seriously triggered you given your lack of chook.

I too was proper laughing at “we need something to roast on Sunday”.

In terms of the “love” exchanges I think both you and the Asda man are a bit pathetic. I couldn’t get worked up about this in the slightest.

Peggywoolley · 09/11/2019 08:03

The world is full of sexist patronizing males putting on these little dominance displays, and it is also full of women telling other women that the behavior is perfectly normal and to be expected so we need to shut up about it

This.

The OP found it belittling and all this thread proves that women believe women don’t have a right to feel that way.

latulipe · 09/11/2019 08:04

Get a life. Seriously.

saraclara · 09/11/2019 08:05

Asda shopping chap shouldn't be using such familiar language anyway

"How dare a common driver try to make a connection with the likes of me".

Jesus Christ

donquixotedelamancha · 09/11/2019 08:05

People have a different opinion to yours so they're thick..... oh the irony love!

Presumably PP had an erudite argument they meant to include on that post but forgot.

FluffyAlpaca19 · 09/11/2019 08:06

Women get called Queen or Queenie by the older population in my area. You don't hear it so much anymore as it's been replaced by love or sweetheart. Men are usually called mate or occasionally chief.

spanglydangly · 09/11/2019 08:07

@donquixotedelamancha no erudite argument, just the words I've reposted.

slipperywhensparticus · 09/11/2019 08:08

If you are asked to refrain from calling someone a name you do it, I don't get why he didnt.

mogtheexcellent · 09/11/2019 08:08

What @Peggywoolley said. I have pulled men up on this before and will continue to do so.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 09/11/2019 08:09

The world is full of sexist patronizing males putting on these little dominance displays, and it is also full of women telling other women that the behavior is perfectly normal and to be expected so we need to shut up about it

Yep - and then we wonder why it all stays the same at a bigger-picture level.

Ghoulestofmums · 09/11/2019 08:09

I was once called Your Majesty” in a work situation when I was in charge. The person genuinely didn’t know how to address me! I was tempted not to correct him but the other people in the room were already grinning

bruffin · 09/11/2019 08:12

Don't use ASDA for the horrendous new contract they've forced on their workers not because someone called you love.
Then dont use Sainsburys either, their contract is awful as well.

Henhophouse · 09/11/2019 08:12

You and your husband should be thoroughly ashamed of yourselves. That poor driver. Get your heads out of your bums and find some real sexism to be enraged about.

00Sassy · 09/11/2019 08:13

Yabu for feeling patronised by ‘love’ (your dh backed you up so he is bu too)
The delivery driver was also bu to feel that you asking him not to call you ‘love’ was abuse, it was absurd but not abuse.

madwifenewlife · 09/11/2019 08:21

OH god really? Poor bloke! In Lincolnshire people say this every day, also duck or duckie. “Alright duck” “thanks duckie” “bye love” is it really that offensive to you? I can’t see anything wrong with it, in fact you sound a snowflake duckHmm

Moondancer73 · 09/11/2019 08:24

YABU. If that's all you have to complain about then you plainly have a very sheltered life 🙄

bruffin · 09/11/2019 08:24

Yabu for feeling patronised by ‘love’ (your dh backed you up so he is bu too)
The delivery driver was also bu to feel that you asking him not to call you ‘love’ was abuse, it was absurd but not abuse.
Depends on the way she asked.

coffeeandgin26 · 09/11/2019 08:30

Oh get a grip! I'm not from 'up north' but call everyone love and don't give a shiny shit if someone called me it. As for not stopping when you asked - for some people it's a habit and they forget.

Snowflake.