To stop accepting everyday sexism and never use Asda again

[Canadalife]

We had an Asda order delivered this evening. One item was incorrect (much more expensive item delivered instead of what we ordered....duck instead of chicken!). Being (stupidly) honest I raised it with the driver. He explained that the orders must have been muddled, Fair enough! He searched through the orders. No luck finding the chicken. I said ‘we need something to roast on Sunday’.

He kept calling me “love” throughout the conversation. When I said “please don’t call me love” he accused me of abusing him on the doorstep. I spoke firmly but was in no way confrontational or aggressive, didn’t shout, swear et cetera. Notably he didn’t call either my daughter or husband anything, but did refer to me consistently as love. I felt seriously patronised and belittled.

My husband said “no one is abusing you, she just asked you not to patronise her by calling her love”. The driver repeated that he would not be abused and drove off.

We certainly did not swear, shout or get angry. I am very upset and hate confrontation. I put up with lots of everyday sexism as we all do. I am totally fed up. AIBU to never shop at Asda again.

"Duck gate "
Hahahahaha

It doesn't matter where the OP lives. The driver meant no harm and she knows that. She made a choice to be offended. Her life sounds very sad if someone trying to help by looking for a chicken and saying the word love causes such upset. What a miserable woman.

If someone 'means no harm', they do not accuse someone else of being abusie when politely asked not to be called 'love'. They would say 'sorry, I didn't mean any harm'.

@ViciousJackdaw

Supermarkets are guilty of real sexism when they make their tv ads featuring harangued women shopping, cooking and serving meals. Get angry about this, make waves about the fact that girls are still at a disadvantage in the classroom, speak out about how women's careers are generally fucked when they have children, concentrate on the serious issues, not some bloke who was trying his best to placate you because you were intent on shooting the messenger.

How was he truing to placate by her accusing her of being abusive?

trying to help by looking for a chicken

This wasn’t an act of a Good Samaritan. They (possibly him, possibly his colleagues) had fucked up the OP’s order. Of course he was looking for her chicken, he was supposed to have it for her.

This wasn’t an act of a Good Samaritan. They (possibly him, possibly his colleagues) had fucked up the OP’s order. Of course he was looking for her chicken, he was supposed to have it for her.

It was substituted by duck, he had no control over that! Everyone knows that the drivers don't also do the picking and packing!

That doesn’t make it anything other than a worker for the company doing his job trying to fix the company’s mistake.

That poor guy just doing his job. A really bloody hard job at that.
Just get over yourself.

@WhatsInAName19

She insists that she was nothing but unfailingly polite, but I think there is some evidence to the contrary (the "what am I supposed to roast on Sunday?" bit is arsey,

Why are you twisting what OP said? She says said 'we need something to roast on Sunday'. She wasn't being arsey, she was worried the duck was another customer's and that she would be eating someone else's Sunday roast!

Hoe you think someone that thoughtful could be 'arsey' is beyond me.

That poor guy just doing his job. A really bloody hard job at that. it really isn’t. It’s not glamorous or fun, and I don’t blame anyone for wanting to move on to something different but delivering stuff isn’t a particularly hard job.

Calm down love hmm idiot

stuck up bitch

The language on this thread is shocking and depressing. OP did nothing wrong.

You have been ridiculous and petty. This is such a trivial thing to get upset about; the term ‘love’ is used constantly as a form of address in Yorkshire.
Do Asda a favour and shop elsewhere.

@Howlovely absolutely 100% spot on!

Calling people ‘love’ is pretty harmless in a delivery man, however getting aggressively offensive and rude when asked not to, is not acceptable. I imagine it is because the chap is from a background where sophisticated manners are not instilled and, therefore, you might cut him some slack.

However, if this is his default method of dealing with customers Asda needs to know as some of those people might be old, vulnerable or frightened by aggression.

Oh this made me sad. That poor guy, he was just doing his job, he didn’t do anything wrong, and you probably really upset him and ruined his day. So what if he called you ‘love’? I really don’t find that sexist at all.

Get over yourself. He didn't mean any harm by it. Something tells me that you were much more rude than you claim to wrote here if he's accusing you of being verbally abusive. Yes boycott ASDA. They don't need ridiculously petty and rude customers like you.

YABVVU!

Woman from Yorkshire here. I call men "love" most days (my husband, family, friends, random men selling things at my door)! Am I being sexist?

I never understand this but I'm from the northeast and it's very common here along with pet, darling, hun ect my friend calls her husband love , I hear women calling both sex lovely, my friend often calls me babe. I work in public facing role and have been called all these names regularly aswell as sweetheart, sweetie only once princess which I did find abit odd.

You sound ridiculous to be honest.

I wouldn’t class this as every day sexism at all. If he’s been leering at you or making comments about you being in the kitchen, fair enough but he sounds like he was being pleasant albeit in an old fashioned way.

I’m also really confused as to the relevance of the duck/chicken mix up. Did he only call you love after you talked about making a roast?!

I don't use the word myself, but it's not unheard of for men to call each other love as well as women in my part of Yorkshire .
I used to hate being called love as it felt patronising when I was younger, but I never 'firmly' spoke to anyone about it, I just got on with my day. My dad hates being called mate, but he doesn't throw a hissy fit about it - it's just how some people speak.

People with your attitude really annoy me. It's you who acts like a patronizing superior attitude, and frankly pollute our society with nastiness.

So what you were called a name of endearment, one that has been used for a long time, which is supposed to show a friendly temperament and good nature.

I feel really sorry for these people who try to bring a bit of good humour, positivism in life who are being put down by the haugthiness of people who are stuck up and play the sexism card any chance they get because it makes them feel good about themselves.

I've been called 'love' so many times, by men and women. I have always read it as a way to convey light way pleasantness and friendliness. I love Asda too and will definitely continue to go there. What I would make sure is to avoid you wherever I go.

Sadly, your needless attitude probably put a damper on that poor man working shift, and it's likely that this in turn impacted on how treated his other customers, or people on the road, but it's ok because I bet you and your OH felt much better about yourself afterwards having taught this man proper customer manners. I feel sorry for people like you.

By that stage he was probably exasperated. They have a huge list of deliveries to do with no leeway. The driver’s don’t pack the deliveries. Instead of simply accepting or declining the substitution you had him searching other boxes for a chicken. Protested your need for a chicken. He tried to find you one and would then have the next 10 customers moaning at him for being late.

You don’t like being called love, he doesn’t like hassle from customers.

Oh God people are thick on this thread 😂

Thankfully OP has long gone and probably hidden this shitfest.