To stop accepting everyday sexism and never use Asda again

[Canadalife]

We had an Asda order delivered this evening. One item was incorrect (much more expensive item delivered instead of what we ordered....duck instead of chicken!). Being (stupidly) honest I raised it with the driver. He explained that the orders must have been muddled, Fair enough! He searched through the orders. No luck finding the chicken. I said ‘we need something to roast on Sunday’.

He kept calling me “love” throughout the conversation. When I said “please don’t call me love” he accused me of abusing him on the doorstep. I spoke firmly but was in no way confrontational or aggressive, didn’t shout, swear et cetera. Notably he didn’t call either my daughter or husband anything, but did refer to me consistently as love. I felt seriously patronised and belittled.

My husband said “no one is abusing you, she just asked you not to patronise her by calling her love”. The driver repeated that he would not be abused and drove off.

We certainly did not swear, shout or get angry. I am very upset and hate confrontation. I put up with lots of everyday sexism as we all do. I am totally fed up. AIBU to never shop at Asda again.

The world is full of sexist patronizing males putting on these little dominance displays, and it is also full of women telling other women that the behavior is perfectly normal and to be expected so we need to shut up about it.
It is exhausting.

I quite like being called love. I was called love at the pub last weekend and it gave me a warm cosy feeling, like being looked after by a caring granny.

Wow. YABVU and a ridiculous snowflake. You’ve been “offended” by literally nothing and I’m embarrassed for you.

I agree you should stop shopping at Asda though, for the simple reason that the poor driver never has to see you again.

Ffs. I call everyone love it's my dialect, Male, female, 80, 22... all love it's just a tic

@Creepster you forgot that she also needs to be pleasant. God forbid a woman isn't pleasant...no wonder the poor man felt abused.

And if he felt it,it is so.

But if OP felt patronised and that he was sexist then she's wrong and it's all in her snobby,classist,privileged,abusive,unpleasant head.

I cannot believe the ops first post. Not had time to read the whole thread. But ffs. Talk about picking a fight.

@lotsofoysters so love is patronising but madam is too? What do you want?!?

It's not sexist to call someone, "Love", in some areas of the UK, use of that word is very common but by both sexes about many people - friends, colleagues, children - even pets! The delivery man meant nothing by it. I understand it can get on the nerves a bit but not fair to mention.

Certain parts of the country use love in their dialect, Cornish people definitely do love, get over it. Both men and woman get called love, usually by the opposite sex, but not always.

Depends where you live though. We need to know where op lives!

Round here it is
Unusual these days
Always man to woman
Often passive aggressive

Eg bloke at work the other day said don't get worked up love to a colleague. Not on.

It seems it all comes down to OP's postcode.

I think you over reacted. I went to uni in the midlands where every bus driver referred to you as “duck” if you were female, I prefer my northern love over duck. I couldn’t get worked up over it. You sound like one of “those people” who cries inequality and then when men don’t hold the door don’t like that either. Buck up love!

Very much being unreasonable, it was probably just a friendly term that he uses all the time, and you are very silly to make a big deal about it.

Saying hello love or whatever,is used in Cheshire,from where I was born.
It was hello Duck when I was in Derbyshire.. Many counties have their own words and phrases,and we don't wan't to lose them.

Yep pretty much

The world is full of sexist patronizing males putting on these little dominance displays, and it is also full of women telling other women that the behavior is perfectly normal and to be expected so we need to shut up about it
I agree with this!

The party of the UK I'm from using "love" isn't common and I find it patronising.

In some parts of the country this is said to men and women. Suggesting someone is sexist for saying it would get their back up.
Also Sometimes if you're trying not to say something you can't stop saying it!

That said he should've tried harder.
Yanbu to be upset about this.
Yabu to 'never shop at Asda again'
What will that achieve? Just complain, they'll send him on some training. He probably wasn't consciously trying to be belittling, he probably isn't an evil man, he will learn the error of his sexist ways, you'll save other women from being belittled, you get to shop somewhere you like still.

The world is full of sexist patronizing males putting on these little dominance displays, and it is also full of women telling other women that the behavior is perfectly normal and to be expected so we need to shut up about it

And we wonder why feminism gets a bad press...

Supermarkets are guilty of real sexism when they make their tv ads featuring harangued women shopping, cooking and serving meals. Get angry about this, make waves about the fact that girls are still at a disadvantage in the classroom, speak out about how women's careers are generally fucked when they have children, concentrate on the serious issues, not some bloke who was trying his best to placate you because you were intent on shooting the messenger.

Oh Em Gee we are Feminisming wrong again!

Yep. Round here it's patronising and sexist too. A man would never say it to another man unless he was gay. I'd rather be called mate.
Asda shopping chap shouldn't be using such familiar language anyway.

People where I live call people love all the time. It kind of trips off the tongue in a northern town. Its the tone its said in that is derogatory. Please don't take it to heart. I feel that with respect YAB a little bit U.

What a waste of internet.

I’d call you “cock” around here. And if the cap fits...

Yanbu considering his reaction when you said to please not call you love.

If someone told me not to call them something, I wouldn’t get upset/angry over it. I’d apologise and stop. It’s not much different than someone calling you the wrong name, you correcting them, and them getting upset over having to do so.

He could have done what was asked and apologised, but instead he became upset/offended that she had asked him not to call her something HE was comfortable with.

How anyone would make this a class issue is beyond me..

I'm certain ASDA won't miss your custom, but why your husband, you and your daughter were all involved in duckgate I don't know? Why were three of you being addressed by the driver? That's intimidating? You sound absolutely ridiculous with your "but we need something to roast on Sunday" what was the delivery driver supposed to do....... ?

Reading the post I think being called " love" is nice I'm sure many people on here could call you other "words" you would find much more offensive

He is a delivery driver, he isn't your slave , he didn't pick the items personally .

If you needed something that badly go to the shop yourself

YABVU. Ffs.