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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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To stop accepting everyday sexism and never use Asda again

723 replies

Canadalife · 08/11/2019 19:38

We had an Asda order delivered this evening. One item was incorrect (much more expensive item delivered instead of what we ordered....duck instead of chicken!). Being (stupidly) honest I raised it with the driver. He explained that the orders must have been muddled, Fair enough! He searched through the orders. No luck finding the chicken. I said ‘we need something to roast on Sunday’.

He kept calling me “love” throughout the conversation. When I said “please don’t call me love” he accused me of abusing him on the doorstep. I spoke firmly but was in no way confrontational or aggressive, didn’t shout, swear et cetera. Notably he didn’t call either my daughter or husband anything, but did refer to me consistently as love. I felt seriously patronised and belittled.

My husband said “no one is abusing you, she just asked you not to patronise her by calling her love”. The driver repeated that he would not be abused and drove off.

We certainly did not swear, shout or get angry. I am very upset and hate confrontation. I put up with lots of everyday sexism as we all do. I am totally fed up. AIBU to never shop at Asda again.

OP posts:
madcatladyforever · 08/11/2019 23:14

I fucking hate being called love. I'm Madam to you , a customer not your love you patronising piece of shit.

madcatladyforever · 08/11/2019 23:15

And you people calling OP ridiculous, clearly have zero standards. Go and live in the gutter where you belong.

WhiskeyLullaby · 08/11/2019 23:16

@RantyAnty

So a man ignoring a woman when she asks him not to do something and then accusing her of being abusive when she has to ask again is not behaviour that matters?

pollyglot · 08/11/2019 23:18

DH calls every woman "sweetheart" and every man "mate". Not the norm in our part of the woods, but is where he is from in the UK. Nobody ever takes offence. I got used to being called "love", "petal" or "duck" in the UK and found it endearing and friendly - beats being called "missus", "madam" or "lady".

saraclara · 08/11/2019 23:20

@madcatlady, you sound unhinged.

SlightlyStaleCocoPops · 08/11/2019 23:23

"I fucking hate being called love. I'm Madam to you , a customer not your love you patronising piece of shit."

I'm sure you've been called far worse.

MrsBlobbys · 08/11/2019 23:30

Well if you asked him to stop & he didn’t I can see why you got upset over it. But personally I don’t think it’s a huge issue. But if you asked he should have stopped really

Leflic · 08/11/2019 23:33

Ilovethekitties Nah. It’s about keeping things in perspective.

Appreciating that you have a online shopping service and that the bloke doing the job has in fact done his job. That’s not “settling” it’s keeping a grip on reality.
And frankly comparing a delivery service to women getting the vote is the stupid comment.

Justaboy · 08/11/2019 23:37

Love opp north and Guv darn safff, hin't it boy?.

rwalker · 08/11/2019 23:38

Rlease don't come to my local train station the woman from virgin train calls every sweetheart, darling and love.

Sonti · 08/11/2019 23:39

A lot of people call each other 'love' in East London/Essex too. It's fine. 🤷‍♀️

fruitbrewhaha · 08/11/2019 23:40

So you were dealing with the grocery order you had made, your husband was "helping you" but it's the driver that's sexist. The whole scenario is sexist. Surely your husband was there because he lives there and will also eat the food no?

Cauliflowerhead · 08/11/2019 23:44

I need to stop calling every fucker ‘doll’ . Men and women.

BellyButton85 · 08/11/2019 23:44

Calm down love Hmm idiot

PickwickThePlockingDodo · 08/11/2019 23:45

This reply has been deleted

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Sparklesocks · 08/11/2019 23:46

He should’ve stopped when you asked but as others have said I don’t think ‘love’ is sexist. I have encountered both men and women using it for each other. Some people just use words like ‘love’ ‘sweetheart’ etc as part of their normal vernacular

Beyondexhausted19 · 08/11/2019 23:47

Omfg.. People like you irritate me. Yes he could of stopped but maybe that's just how he is old habits and all that
I hope went back and refuses to come to You again..

angelfacecuti75 · 08/11/2019 23:47

I say "love*& I'm a woman ......and 'sweet' (short for sweetheart). I understand your frustration but he could be trying to pacify you....it wasnt really his fault and there are worse things in life to get worked up about ....

angelfacecuti75 · 08/11/2019 23:48

Patronising maybe, life changing or threatening-no. You wanted people's opinions , they gave you them.

Aroundnabout1 · 08/11/2019 23:52

I find being called love a bit wierd and creepy.

Creepster · 08/11/2019 23:55

Men don't expect to be called on their daily dominance displays. They often get mad when we ask them to stop. Accusing you of abusing him for asking him to stop is classic abuse.
People who refuse to take no for an answer are not safe to be around.

Report him to whoever he works for when you call to complain your order was wrong.. His behavior was inappropriate all the way through.

PepePig · 08/11/2019 23:56

You're a joke.

Creepster · 08/11/2019 23:56

Also too and besides, it is especially creepy from a man who knows your name and address since it is right there on the order.

lowlandLucky · 08/11/2019 23:58

Hen, you need to get down from your high horse and understand being called love is just normal. Being called Bint or Wench is sexist. Put your big girl pants on and get a life

Lilymossflower · 09/11/2019 00:13

YANBU !

We should not accept everyday sexism no matter how small

For those saying he wasn't being sexist and its probs just how he speaks, sure that may be the case, but op is still in her rights for not wanting to be called that for whatever reason - even if he didn't mean it and thought he was being polite.

How he reacted however. Shows that he has a a subconcious issue with a woman standing up for what she wants and felt it was treading on his rights as a man to use whatever language he wants to a woman and refusing to make her feel more comfortable and instead turning it on her and making her appear unreasonable - this was sexist even if his original language wasn't to some people - how many times women are told they are being unreasonable for speaking up about their discomfort yet men can speak up about their discomfort , as in this situation, and not be told they are over reacting as the dude in this situation was, as a woman speaking up for herself In a polite firm manner is not by any means abusive in anyway