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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

To stop accepting everyday sexism and never use Asda again

723 replies

Canadalife · 08/11/2019 19:38

We had an Asda order delivered this evening. One item was incorrect (much more expensive item delivered instead of what we ordered....duck instead of chicken!). Being (stupidly) honest I raised it with the driver. He explained that the orders must have been muddled, Fair enough! He searched through the orders. No luck finding the chicken. I said ‘we need something to roast on Sunday’.

He kept calling me “love” throughout the conversation. When I said “please don’t call me love” he accused me of abusing him on the doorstep. I spoke firmly but was in no way confrontational or aggressive, didn’t shout, swear et cetera. Notably he didn’t call either my daughter or husband anything, but did refer to me consistently as love. I felt seriously patronised and belittled.

My husband said “no one is abusing you, she just asked you not to patronise her by calling her love”. The driver repeated that he would not be abused and drove off.

We certainly did not swear, shout or get angry. I am very upset and hate confrontation. I put up with lots of everyday sexism as we all do. I am totally fed up. AIBU to never shop at Asda again.

OP posts:
Belgianbuns · 08/11/2019 22:09

Quite pathetic really. Do yourself a favour a go and buy your own chicken! Seriously how is this a question

Ilovethekitties · 08/11/2019 22:10

Also, if you're saying that in certain areas this isn't sexist and therefore don't agree, that's great and I also agree, but you then cannot say that because it's the way in your area, it should be like that in others.

I live down south and men DO NOT call each other love.

ClownsandCowboys · 08/11/2019 22:13

Unless they are from Yorkshire? Like a guy at work from Newcastle that calls everyone Pet. Even though he now lives in Yorkshire.

Dialect stays with you even if you move.

WhatsInAName19 · 08/11/2019 22:13

The 'I call people love all the time' brigade...if someone pleasantly asked you to stop, would you a) say ok b) ignore them and continue or c) accuse them of abuse.

I don't think the OP's version of events rings true, which is why I find myself in defence of the driver. She insists that she was nothing but unfailingly polite, but I think there is some evidence to the contrary (the "what am I supposed to roast on Sunday?" bit is arsey, for example, and it is twatty to pull someone up for using a very common colloquialism unless they are genuinely being condescending) and I'm willing to bet there's other stuff that she has omitted because there always is when someone is describing a conflict that involved them.

Ilovethekitties · 08/11/2019 22:15

@CynthiaRothrock I'm sure many of us endure sexism in everyday life, I also work in a Male dominated environment and have had some pretty awful encounters and some really fantastic ones with my Male colleagues. But, just because you personally don't think that it fits the narrative on 'real' sexism., don't force that on others.

At work I am referred to as petal, I find this offensive and I do not accept it. Is that real enough for you? Or would I have to wait until someone propositioned or sexually harassed? It should depend on the woman and what she feels comfortable with. OP asked the driver to stop and he did not, that's where it crossed a line. Would I personally be outraged at this? Abso-fucking-lutely not, BUT, this doesn't mean I will attack OP for feeling this way.

WhiskeyLullaby · 08/11/2019 22:15

I'm not going to go into whether love is right or wrong.

The point is OP asked him to stop and he continued to do it. When she asked again he turned the tables on her and accused her of being "abusive".

Women telling men they don't like something they do =abuse.

That's the main shitty,sexist part in this story.

Genevieva · 08/11/2019 22:15

You better not visit Cornwall. You might be subject to the traditional term of address "my lover".

Mydogmylife · 08/11/2019 22:16

Get a grip

Contraceptionismyfriend · 08/11/2019 22:17

Well don't worry. I guarantee when he retells this story to his friends and family he won't be referring to you as love

Ilovethekitties · 08/11/2019 22:17

@WhatsInAName19 you thinking OP is 'arsey' and her feeling as though she had been spoken to in a sexist way are two totally different things and just because you feel OP is a bit of an asshole shouldn't sway your view on how she should be addressed.

Ilovethekitties · 08/11/2019 22:18

@WhiskeyLullaby agreed!

Fatshedra · 08/11/2019 22:22

I've never heard men call each other love.

donquixotedelamancha · 08/11/2019 22:22

look at the meaning of the word 'mate' in comparison to 'doll' 'love' 'petal' 'sweetheart' and tell me it isn't sexism.

I'm a man. I get called love, petal and sweetheart by men and women.

Cherrysherbet · 08/11/2019 22:24
  1. This man will have had NOTHING to do with your duck\chicken cock up.
  1. He will have definitely felt abused by you if he told you he did.
  1. He was calling you love, because he was trying to be kind and diffuse the situation.

You behaved like an arse.

I work in a well known supermarket. We get blamed everyday for matters beyond our control.

You should feel embarrassed, and call the store tomorrow to offer your apologies to this man. He was just doing his job.

Go to the shop, buy a chicken. Simple.

You are lucky that you can afford to put food on your table, so many struggle to do that.

Enjoy your duck love.

Vulpine · 08/11/2019 22:24

It's really not worth the effort. Seriously put your energy into something that matters.

MyChemicalMummy · 08/11/2019 22:24

Really? For if it is a more expensive substitute Asda don't charge the higher price, so you should have taken the duck.

Being called love is not the end of the world, would you rather be called bitch?

I call most people love male and female.

littlehappyhippo · 08/11/2019 22:25

I hope Asda ban the OP from all stores, and any future deliveries.

Bride2bee · 08/11/2019 22:27

I call people love... and I'm a girl so....

donquixotedelamancha · 08/11/2019 22:28

I live down south and men DO NOT call each other love.

One of the two men who unfailingly calls me by an affectionate term (sweetheart in this case) that I see a lot is from London. I really think there is a substantial class component here.

blahblahblahblahhh · 08/11/2019 22:28

Far rather someone was pleasant and called me love than was rude or ignorant and didn't speak!
People get soooo offended! If that's all you have to worry about in your life you are very blessed!

WhiskeyLullaby · 08/11/2019 22:29

It's irrelevant if you're man,woman ,from Cornwall,Yorkshire,China,dog ,cat or platypus and you like/don't mind being called love. Or you call others love.

OP doesn't like it,finds it patronising and is allowed to ask not to be called that. Also,the appropriate response to being asked that is to stop using it (an apology is a bonus). Not continue using it and then shout abuse when you're asked again.

And I take firmly to mean anything that's now "oh please kind sir,could you please possibly think you might be able to not call me love, if that's not too much bother? Sorry .Thank you muchly" simpering bullshit that seems to be expected of women when they show their displeasure.

It's not fucking rocket science.

There's about just as many people(or platypus) that don't mind the word cunt or will tell you it's used affectionately. I bet a lot of you wouldn't stand for it though.

UsedtobeFeckless · 08/11/2019 22:30

For fucks sake steer clear of Cornwall - you'll die of indignation by the end of the week ...

flowerbombs · 08/11/2019 22:30

Oh have a laugh. Sexist? You can't say anything to anyone these days.

WhatsInAName19 · 08/11/2019 22:31

@Ilovethekitties I'm not sure where you've got that impression. Of course I don't think that arsey women deserve to be treated with sexism Confused I was responding to a comment which referenced the driver's reaction to the conflict.
As it goes, I don't think the driver spoke to the OP in a sexist way. I also, separately, don't believe that he flew off the handle in the face of a perfectly polite and reasonable OP. I think he was fairly friendly and probably very working class, she felt superior and was rude to him, he overreacted a bit and stropped off to his van.

WhiskeyLullaby · 08/11/2019 22:31

He will have definitely felt abused by you if he told you he did.

😂😂😂😂😂