To expect an apology

[Moremilkplease]

My child was in the care of a family member whilst I was away and there was an incident in which his face got scratched badly by accident. It was a deep scratch that bled a lot at the time and has taken days to heal. AIBU to expect an apology from the person that did it just because I think it's the decent thing to do? I know it was an accident but if I accidentally hurt someone elses child in my care I would call the person and say sorry this is what happened and it was an accident. Instead I've had silence from the person and had to hear what happened from someone else. I'm hurt that they havent had the decency to say anything to me.
So AIBU to be upset and would you apologise if you accidentally hurt someone elses child?

You say it was an accident but you also say they accidentally hurt them. They’re not the same. What happened?

Sorry I was being vague. My child was running around with another child (both 5 year olds) and my sisters baby was in the baby bouncer. My sisters partner put his hand out to grab my child to prevent him running into the baby (fair enough) and he caught his face with his nail leaving a deep scratch. I know I'm probably going to be told he was just stopping the baby being hurt which I get but it's the silence from my sister and partner that I don't understand. They could have called to apologise instead I had to find out from my mum and my sister hasnt contacted me

No, I wouldn't expect an apology, he prevented a baby getting hurt and it was an accident. I also doubt it was severe as you're making out.

Teach your child that they need to be careful and not run around and endanger others.

No I would expect an apology. An explanation yes, which you got.

Also i should add, he likely said sorry to your child at th time, whilst expressing th danger your child was placing the baby in. Five is old enough to know that.

Another vote for no here

I wouldn’t expect an apology. I’d expect that he had apologised to the child for hurting him - IMO accidents should still have an apology given! That would have happened at the time though.

I did almost exactly the same thing to my 8 year old the other day. Felt horrible about it.

I wouldn’t expect an apology. I would have probably contacted my sister to apologise for my child being so boisterous around the baby.

Yes, I would.

I would wonder why the babysitters let the two children play so boisterously inside not blame the children

And did you apologise @ActualHornist?

If the parent wasnt there I think you should contact them and apologise but clearly I'm alone in thinking that. It is what I would do as I would feel bad about it

Have You apologised to your sister for your child's behavuour? It's really important you teach your kid how to behave, and how fragile babies are. And as said, five is plenty old enough to know to be care ful round babies.

Sorry @ActualHornist I read your post wrong!!!

No you don't deserve an apology it was an accident and in any case I would be apologising to them just for my child being so rough. I have a five-year-old and I would expect him to be considerate around a baby.

What’s your relationship like with your sister?

If this were DS and I, I’d have text the day after saying “how’s (insert names) face today?”

It wasn’t intentional, and could’ve been a lot worse if a running 5 year old had fallen on a baby.

I had to put my hand out to stop my own 4 year old (at the time) falling on a baby once, my daughter bounced off my hand and fell into the corner of the wall. Ended up in A&E with a 2 inch gash on her head. I felt awful. But it was an accident.

Yabu.

You got an explanation. Its was perfectly reasonable.

A scratch that takes days to heal, doesnt sound that bad.

Well I've obviously only had the story from my mum who's care he was in so I'd have expected her or any other adult there to tell them to stop running around. I do teach my child how to behave but 5 year olds will still act excited at family gatherings and like I said I wasnt there.

YABU

Clearly a total accident

And if you go all I Demand An Apology you could alienate your BIL long term

YABU. I would expect to child to have an apology at the time. You've also got an explanation about what happened, so presumably you've talked to your sister at the time? Who are you expecting an additional apology from?

But if you were away I wouldn’t expect an apology days later. An apology to the child, yes, and probably on pick up if the person was there, but not a big formal “I am sorry for...”

That's all I expected @Malibucyprus but I've had nothing from her. No we dont have a great relationship which is probably why. I would contact the parent of a child I had accidentally hurt and ask after them. I think it's the decent thing to do. Why are people making assumptions that I dont teach my child how to behave because he was running with another child? I would never have let that happen had I been there but I wasnt.

An apology isn’t necessary. Sounds like it was the lesser of two evils. Have you apologised for your child’s behaviour and endangering the babies safety? No. Presumably because you don’t think that’s necessary either.

Alright maybe not an apology then but an acknowledgement at least and a how is his face?

Yabu.

If they were there when you collected your DS then I might expect the partner to be the one to explain the scratch and apologise in a "Sorry about the scratch on DSs face, he nearly ran into the baby and I scratched him when I caught him." way

I wouldnt expect him to go out of his way to message you explicitly to say "Sorry for scratching your son's face" as long as he apologised in the moment, it was an accident and someone explained to you where the scratch came from.

If this happened with my nieces and nephews I might message my sibling the following day to ask "How's DSs face today?" but it wouldnt occur to me to message to apologise again.