To expect an apology

[Moremilkplease]

My child was in the care of a family member whilst I was away and there was an incident in which his face got scratched badly by accident. It was a deep scratch that bled a lot at the time and has taken days to heal. AIBU to expect an apology from the person that did it just because I think it's the decent thing to do? I know it was an accident but if I accidentally hurt someone elses child in my care I would call the person and say sorry this is what happened and it was an accident. Instead I've had silence from the person and had to hear what happened from someone else. I'm hurt that they havent had the decency to say anything to me.
So AIBU to be upset and would you apologise if you accidentally hurt someone elses child?

If your child was in the care of your mother it’s her place to apologize surely ? When I have our grandson I watch him like a hawk and she should have supervised him better.
Anyone in their right mind would be sorry they accidentally hurt a child as your sister’s partner did . Of course he’s sorry - I think there’s a risk of blowing the whole matter up out of proportion as you’ve made it clear you don’t like them . Next time ask your Mum to do something else that doesn’t involve a visit to their house . To let off steam a playgym does the trick .

Your child was in the care of your mother and she has explained to you what happened. Did she apologise to you?
Why do you think your sister or BIL should also explain/apologise to you just because the accident happened in their house?
Have you apologised to them for your son running around and nearly causing harm to their baby?

Yes my mum has apologised and she says she wasnt in the room when it happened

If I had done this to a child I was looking after I would have let you know, I would apologise to the child while explaining the reasoning and I would call the mum to explain and reassure her it wasn't done carelessly. Assuming you are not exaggerating the injury that is. Were it a tiny nick where they got caught by my nail but did not require any tending to then I might have forgotten it even happened in the midst of what sounds like a busy day.

If my child was injured (accidently or otherwise), whilst in the care of other people, I would definitely expect an explanation from them and not hear about it from a third party.

Actually I wouod expect both an explanation AND an apology.
I mean , if you do bump into someone by accident in the street, most people would say ‘Sorry’. Why is it different in that case??

I would not expect an apology in the sense that they shouod bear the ‘blame’ for the accident as there is no one to blame for an accident. But saying you are sorry that your child got hurt in the process wouodn’t hurt. Because it shows that you are about the act the child was hurt.

My nephew was injured in the care of another family member. It was an accident that resulted in a facial injury. The family member never apologised to the parent and said they should have been supervising him themselves. Total redirection of blame. It was an accident, it wouldn’t have been difficult for the family member to apologise and ask after the child but I think they thought if they apologised then they were accepting the blame or responsibility for the injury.
If it were me I would apologise and ask after the child, but some people are more interested in covering their own backs.

zen1

That’s what happened, though. The OP is misleading. The child was in the care of his GM, not the DSis/BIL.

@Bluntness100 and others, why the hell would the OP have to apologise for her child “running around”? It’s what two kids playing together tend to do. Babies are not made of glass for god’s sake, and if you don’t want your baby trodden on don’t leave it in it’s bouncy chair on the floor when bigger children are playing. The OP wasn’t there, so the adult in charge of the kids should have told them to stop messing if necessary, but it’s bloody ridiculous calling the OPs parenting into question 🙄.

As for the face scratch, if I’d scratched someone’s child albeit accidentally, I’d feel absolutely awful. Damn right I’d drop the mother a quick text. Not to apologise as I’d do that to the child, but to say I felt bad and that I hoped the child was ok. I think it’s really weird that some people on here almost seem to think the child deserved it 😕.

You say you don't have the best relationship and you can't stand her partner. Maybe she doesn't want to open up a dialog with you as it'll end with bad words or give you another reason to dislike him / slag them both off?

Would you of/have (pendants?) apologised if your son had hurt the baby? Sounds like you want less of an apology and more of an admission of guilt, it was an accident. I can see why your sister hasn't been in touch.

I babysat my friends children and one of them hurt the other in an accident, I apologised to my friend as it was on my watch and it was DHs fault as he'd got them wound up so they were running everywhere

I think it's odd no one mentioned what happened to you directly.

Well, there were probably various apologies to the child at the time, but the OP wasn't there to witness them was she?

He should have apologised for hurting your child, yes.

Yes possibly @RavenLG

I wouldn’t expect an apology in this situation. Chances are they are probably expecting an apology from the child - 5 is old enough to know you have to be careful around a baby

Alright maybe not an apology then but an acknowledgement at least and a how is his face?

But you don’t get on with her. And she probably (quite reasonably on the evidence of this thread) thinks you’re going to make a big deal of it and cause a fuss so it easier just to avoid you.

Totally agree @gingersausage

Yep. Had you picked your son up that day, an explanation might have come with a mild apology.
But the incident didn't warrant your BIL needing to contact you days later to formally apologise. Not remotely.

The comparison with what a school would do is fair.

I think the fact you don't like your sister or her husband is indeed clouding your judgement and making you petty. At least you've accepted you're being unreasonable.

I would think an explanation of what happened would be a usual thing...but you are getting very spiky about it. Have you asked them direct? I would have said 'thanks for having him, was everything OK, oh, by the way,what happened to his face?'.

These things happen.

Is there tension in the backstory?

Me and my family are all very close and even if an accident has happened in one of our houses no matter who is in ‘charge’ whoever’s child or partner or themselves did it a text would always be send asking how the child is and an omg I’m really sorry (even tho we al know it would be an accident) it’s called CARING

I would, yes.

I'd have expected her or any other adult there to tell them to stop running around. I do teach my child how to behave but 5 year olds will still act excited at family gatherings and like I said I wasnt there.

See this is a problem too. When your own child is engaged in risky behaviour you criticise who is supervising them and take an ‘oh well, these things happen, kids will be kids’ attitude. But when your child is the one injured you’re talking about responsibility and apologies.

Believe me, I’ve experienced this within my own family where there’s one child whose parents won’t ever accept their child is wrong but come down like a ton of bricks if it’s the other way around. It’s wearing.

Or OP’s instincts about the partner and bang on and he has not been careful with a 5yo boy.

OP, I would be very wary of leaving DS with him again.