To expect an apology

[Moremilkplease]

My child was in the care of a family member whilst I was away and there was an incident in which his face got scratched badly by accident. It was a deep scratch that bled a lot at the time and has taken days to heal. AIBU to expect an apology from the person that did it just because I think it's the decent thing to do? I know it was an accident but if I accidentally hurt someone elses child in my care I would call the person and say sorry this is what happened and it was an accident. Instead I've had silence from the person and had to hear what happened from someone else. I'm hurt that they havent had the decency to say anything to me.
So AIBU to be upset and would you apologise if you accidentally hurt someone elses child?

I dont think you are due an apology but I think you should have been told what happened

Yabu

last year I was minding my nephew while my DS & DBIL were away. We got in from the shops and he excitedly ran into my hallway and collided with the corner of it, at eye height . As I was coming through the door with bags I had not been hawk-eyes on him enough to see it before it happened. He developed a huge black eye and his cheekbone was black. I checked him over properly and then text my sister explaining what had happened. I couldnt apologise enough. She knows I am extremely over-cautious, facetimed him and felt ok to leave him etc. By the time they collected him a few days later it was massive and black. Looked worse than when he did it. I felt so awful. I understand it wasnt my fault and couldnt be avoided but I was hugely apologetic and wanted to explain myself. I still feel guilty.

sorry he collided with the corner of the really heavy oak hall console table.

I wouldn't expect an apology, however your sister could of rang to ask after him.

I think YANBU.
I would have been mortified and immediately have called you after the incident.

Maybe the person was scared you might get angry with them and trying to minimize the incident by not paying too much attention towards it?

If your child was in your sisters care then I would have expected her to inform you, but as she was in your mums care then it’s fine that your mum informed you.

Your sister is probably busy with her baby and toddler (assuming they are both hers) and it was a minor incident that doesn’t need to be rehashed.

It would be water under the bridge by now for me, unless the injury was serious like a fracture. But I don't see what the apology you expect is FOR, IYSWIM. It was the brother in law who inflicted the injury - by accident - so why should your sister ring up and apologise a day later for him doing something by accident? Presumably it was your mum's fault slightly as well, for allowing your child to run around near the baby. It doesn't sound as if anyone set out to hurt your son or to upset you. Far better to let it go, IMO.

Or OP’s instincts about the partner and bang on and he has not been careful with a 5yo boy.

Or maybe op just doesnt like them. That's doesnt mean he is a bad person.

It could be the OP that's the issue.

They were caring for your child and your child was hurt. I'd expect a full explanation and I'd probably apologise that my child was being a bit hyperactive and silly around a baby - even though he is 5 with another 5 year old so what do you expect! It was probably chaos with all them kids and the adults sounded like they were doing their best to prevent accidents to me.

@Anotherlongdrive yes but OP knows her instincts. YOU don’t.

DS2 almost lost an eye in an accident at a friend's house. It happened because the kids weren't being supervised properly. The parents of the child who caused the injury were well known to us as all of our children were contemporaries at the same school, and both were doctors.

We got an explanation of what had happened from the host parents and they had taken DS to hospital rather than wait for the ambulance.

We never got so much as a phonecall from the parents of the other child. I didn't expect an apology because it was a "kids are kids" accident, but DS was seriously hurt and I was surprised and disappointed that they didn't at least ask how he was. I think they were embarrassed.

Surely an apology and an explanation are not mutually exclusive, in this scenario?

If I was the sister or her partner, I'd say something like this:

"Hi, @Moremilkplease - I'm sorry about the scratch on little Hubert's face - I was trying to stop him running into the baby in the bouncer and caught him with my nail".

You can be sorry about hurting someone, even if you were doing it for a good reason.

We never got so much as a phonecall from the parents of the other child. I didn't expect an apology because it was a "kids are kids" accident

I'd feel absolutely horrendous if that was my child. I'd buy the injured child a little present from me and my son to say sorry. Did it damage their friendship?

There's no way I'd hide away feeling embarrassed - and that's me with social anxiety!

@Chloe84 Give it a rest will you. The OP said she thinks its an accident and not done maliciously. I know you feel that the BIL is to blame no matter what but try to see the facts. He wasn't there to look after the 5 year old but the baby.

To the OP, I know this incident is playing on your worst fears, but sadly kids get themselves into all sorts of scrapes. Just image what could have happened if your BIL hadn't reached out to stop your DC

I'm just hurt that she hasn't contacted me at all but obviously I'm in the minority

You want your sister to contact you because your brother in law was trying to stop your 5 year old charging into their baby and accidentally scratched him?

Have you contacted them to apologise for your child’s behaviour?

It was an accident what difference would an apology make? These things happen. Unless you feel they were being negligent there's no need for them to grovel.

Or OP’s instincts about the partner and bang on and he has not been careful with a 5yo boy.

OP, I would be very wary of leaving DS with him again.

He wasn’t in his care. He was stopping his child from being hurt.

Your reaction is totally being coloured by your relationship (or lack of) with your sister and bil.
Your mum was responsible for your child at that moment. She's explained and apologised. Let it go, and don't add this to your list of reasons you don't like sis and bil.

I think it's a case "I'm sorry your child got scratched in this incident" rather than "I'm sorry I scratched your child".

Surely the partner is sorry your child got scratched.

If it had happened in my care I would definitely call the parents and explain, that's just the decent thing to do. Keep it all open, acknowledge that these things happen, learn from it, move on.

I would have said 'thanks for having him, was everything OK, oh, by the way,what happened to his face?'

The mother was looking after the child. Not her sister and brother in law. And the mother explained and apologised. What the ops wanting is the brother in law she hates to also phone and apologise.

So if it's an accident people do not say sorry? Really? Not in my world.

If any of you got accidentally hurt, let's say, a stranger on the underground scratched your face, would you really not expect apology???

@Moremilkplease did you pay your sister to babysit for you? Or was it free? It sounds like an accident. It would be nice to apologise but not necessary.

@ Hannahmates can you not read? The sister was not babysitting. The OPs mother was. Anyway, on what bloody planet do you pay family to babysit?? Surely it’s a mutually beneficial arrangement 🤦‍♀️.

I would have apologised if it was me. I would be mortified if I hurt someone else’s child, regardless of whether or not it was an accident.