... to want to scream- husband thinks my hobby is “deeply unattractive”

[DimensionalShambler]

It’s cold and rainy and all day I was looking forward to starting a new knitting project. After dinner I settled down with my wool and needles and and my husband started with the sighing. After the usual rigmarole I dragged it out of him… seeing me knit is “deeply unattractive”, it’s for sexless, boring, tedious women and he hates seeing my projects laying around because it’s a “stringy depressing mess” and I should find something more interesting to do with my time.

I’m absolutely furious at the sexism and stupidity but also really sad because I love knitting- it’s cozy and peaceful and meditative. But now it’s ruined.

Knit him a ball gag and blindfold. Put them on him and leave him handcuffed naked in a public place!

It's creative, you enjoy it and it takes skill. Off to fuck with him!

That's so sad, you do exactly what you want to!

Divorce him now.

And my DH buys me craft stuff, the lady in the craft shop started knowing him well as he was buying presents for me while working away.
One Christmas we went together and I chose the knitting needles I wanted and other bits and bobs. One birthday he bought me a spinning wheel even though I had one already. I have far too many sewing machines and knitting needles, crocheting needles and tons of other stuff.
I've encroached into his man cave aka garage aka dojo, to do my glass beads. He doesn't mind, he happy for the company.
He also loves my homegrown vegetables from my allotment.

No wonder I'm turning into a hermit

Sorry for the rambling and multiple posts.

It is stereotypically a 'grandma' hobby, though he was too harsh. He should have said nothing because you like it... but then partners are supposed to be able to talk openly to each other. You married him, if thats all the sexism he came up with maybe he was tactlessly telling you its a turn off. I find cycling lycra a turn off, i would actually be turned off if he wore that stuff, stamp collecting, golf, fishing all very dull.

@RebornFlame I misread your reply as "What would be a more attractive HUBBY LOOK LIKE!"........ hahahaha!!
@DimensionalShambler I'm so sorry that you are married to an absolute tool and pray you have the strength not to stab him with both number 7's!.

I'm pretty sure I look far from sexy after I've been running! I'm not convinced hobbies are supposed to make you look attractive, it's just not the point of them

Lifeover that's brilliant! 😂

Which decade is he living in? Tell him to do one x and keep knitting

@Creepster

“Men who view themselves as the consumer and women as the product don't think they need to be attractive once they have made their selection.”

Bloody hell, ain’t that the truth? My ex definitely stopped making any effort once he felt he’d “got” me. To start with we’d go to nice restaurants and he’d make an effort with his clothes - maybe a jacket with his shirt and jeans (he looked pretty cool in this) - that stopped shortly after we moved in together; he almost point blank refused to go anywhere where he couldn’t wear a torn tshirt and grubby trainers. I realised how much of a downwards trajectory our relationship had taken when, towards the end, he made a big song and dance about “going out” and then he took me to...a Wetherspoons. FFS.

I would like to see him knitting, it's not that easy. Does he do anything creative?

It is not actually sexist to find something unattractive though. It's not something you can rationalise; it's a response.

My shitbag of an ex said something like that about my knitting once. It wasn’t the reason he’s now my ex but it really should have been!

Knit him a willy warmer. Sounds like he’ll need one.

He’s a dick. I turned to knitting when my DH muscled in on my cross stitch he can’t follow a knitting patten so it’s safe from his grubby paws.

I wish I could knit!

I think knitting is great. Your old man should be ashamed of himself. Knitting is a means of winding down and is constructive. What does your Old Man do that is constructive. Seems to me that he only has destructive words to say and most probably doesn't have a worthwhile hobby of his own. Tell him to take up a hobby and let you enjoy yours. I had a male colleague, who had been in the RAF and he regularly knitted. He was good at it, too. It is not just for the ladies.

It is not actually sexist to find something unattractive - no, it isn't. It isn't even sexist to volunteer that information about someone else's hobby and to assume that your feelings should trump their obvious enjoyment, although it may mean you're a bit of a twat. It is sexist to have double standards about whether "being attractive" should be the main purpose of a hobby - as the OP makes clear, her husband isn't exactly prioritising being desirable when it comes to his hobbies - and it is definitely sexist for a man to expect his wife to tailor her pursuits to being the most pleasing and alluring object of his gaze.

Everyone has given such excellent advice and there are so many great comments on here, that I can think of nothing further to add, other than a massive thank you... because I have been so inspired by your post that I have decided to take up knitting. Going to buy my supplies tomorrow! I’m SO excited about the prospect of pulling on my first pair of hand knitted socks :D x

After a hard week, currently sitting with my dh, drinking Prosecco, in front of the fire and watching a movie and crocheting an enormous blanket using wool that I buy from "end baskets" when I am on holiday. With a lovely meal made by dh. Dd is on a sleepover with grandparents. Pretty fucking cool.

Have to say I love this thread too - funny, thoughtful about feminism and relationships, crafty, inspiring... If I start tomorrow, how long before I can knit the full text of Beowulf on a scarf?

Also, hope you're OK, OP.

That was an insulting and abusive remark.

I won't defend knitting bc I do not think that he actually thinks that. I think that he wanted to hurt your feelings so he said what he thought would do the trick.

He is a weenie, a turd, a monkey's butt. If he were my husband I would explain that his comments were rude and hurt my feelings and he needs to apologize.

I am old now, but when we were young, my dh told me that he LOVED watching me do needle crafts bc it is cozy and makes him feel loved. AND it certainly was the opposite of a turn off.

However, like I said, he did it to hurt you. I think while you are knitting, you should be introspective about what else he says to belittle you.

Remember; what people say about you is how they view themselves. His hobbies make me think of him in much the same as his word turds described you.

I am sorry and very angry at him for his cruelty. If you were my daughter, I would take a broom to him and sweep him out the door.

He obviously never heard of Kaffe Fasset!

Love and coupledom should mean embracing and supporting all aspects of the things eachother enjoys. Me and DP both enjoy jigsaws and physical pursuits together. But then he enjoys geeky computer stuff and gaming (yawn) whimsy I enjoy cryptic crosswords and shitty celeb mags. We love each other’s silly differences. Your ‘D’H sounds like an intolerant knob.