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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

... to want to scream- husband thinks my hobby is “deeply unattractive”

540 replies

DimensionalShambler · 07/11/2019 22:52

It’s cold and rainy and all day I was looking forward to starting a new knitting project. After dinner I settled down with my wool and needles and and my husband started with the sighing. After the usual rigmarole I dragged it out of him… seeing me knit is “deeply unattractive”, it’s for sexless, boring, tedious women and he hates seeing my projects laying around because it’s a “stringy depressing mess” and I should find something more interesting to do with my time.

I’m absolutely furious at the sexism and stupidity but also really sad because I love knitting- it’s cozy and peaceful and meditative. But now it’s ruined.

OP posts:
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Cosyjimjamsforautumn · 08/11/2019 20:13

Knit him a tiny willy warmer. With bobbles obviously. Love a good bobble Grin

scazlackabumdiyay · 08/11/2019 21:00

I love this thread. I'm obsessive about knitting. I have lots of friends who are obsessed too. We are as sexy as hell too!

scazlackabumdiyay · 08/11/2019 21:03

However on a more serious note he does sound like a twat! What does he do that's so attractive?

Stinkycatbreath · 08/11/2019 21:07

Tell him to start cycling then he wil be oit or your hair for a long time. You can have a good old knit.

Creepster · 08/11/2019 21:10

Men who view themselves as the consumer and women as the product don't think they need to be attractive once they have made their selection.

TowerRavenSeven · 08/11/2019 21:14

LTB. Seriously. I crochet and if my dh ever said something like that to me I’d pick up my hooks and leave. How dark he speak to you like that! Crochet has helped my mental health 1000 times more than any human ever did or will. I could not live like this!

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 08/11/2019 21:40

I have just coincidentally come across a Beowulf sock pattern on Ravelry!
Hwaet

Figmentofmyimagination · 08/11/2019 21:54

My DH has taken up golf. Never in a million years would I tell him how incredibly unsexy golf gear is - all that nylon. Yeuch. Your husband sounds horrible.

Dilkhush · 08/11/2019 22:26

Men who view themselves as the consumer and women as the product don't think they need to be attractive once they have made their selection.

@creepster Wow. This is so uncomfortable and so disturbingly true.

loudnoises1 · 08/11/2019 22:31

My mum is an amazing knitter and I'm SO jealous.
I'm 25 and consider myself to be pretty successful and not 'tedious'.
He can fuck off

ferntwist · 08/11/2019 22:37

Your guest room sounds lovely! Enjoy your break in there and your knitting

spaniorita · 08/11/2019 23:11

An idea for your next project - a lovely hat for your "d"h.

... to want to scream- husband thinks my hobby is “deeply unattractive”
MrsFoxPlus4Again · 08/11/2019 23:29

Knit him a blanket to keep him warm in his new room by himself. Yours sounds nicer!

Stefoscope · 08/11/2019 23:46

seeing me knit is “deeply unattractive” knit him a blindfold.
As for being too smart to knit, maybe he should give it a go himself. It requires a decent amount of co-ordination and fine motor skills to master the basics. That's without getting into lace, cables and colourwork, which I never been able to fully master. He'd hate my SIL. She was an academic year ahead and got the top mark in her year at Cambridge but opted to pursue a career in crochet pattern designing.

madcatladyforever · 08/11/2019 23:54

This kind of twattery usually means he wants you to spend all your spare time either cooking for him or having sex.
I think cooking, ironing, washing his clothes and cleaning is equally sexless, boring and tedious and you should stop doing those immediately too.

lottiegarbanzo · 09/11/2019 00:01

Cool as Kelley Deal

... to want to scream- husband thinks my hobby is “deeply unattractive”
nannytothequeen · 09/11/2019 00:09

Mine didn't like me singing in a choir and playing in an orchestra. Apparently it took me away from ' family time' and practicing was annoying. I found his smelly lycra annoying and it seems that his cycling didn't take away from family time! I now play and sing all I like in my own house without having to look at his mardy face.

Pinkfluffythoughts · 09/11/2019 00:16

I can’t believe you actually had this conversation seriously! I would have looked at him as if he had 2 heads and laughed at him.

OhioOhioOhio · 09/11/2019 00:25

Knit him a bag and tell him to pack his stuff in it and get lost.

DeadButDelicious · 09/11/2019 00:43

Knitting is awesome. Don't let him ruin it for you.

I knit, crochet, cross stitch and wire wrap and my DH is always interested in what I churn out. I'm supposed to be making him some gloves but I'm distracted by virus shawls at the moment.

Your DH sounds like a right knob end. I suggest a lovely intarsia knit hat with the words BELL END emblazoned across the front as a Christmas gift for him.

Also, fuzzy I need to see these Beowulf socks. They sound amazing!

Interestedwoman · 09/11/2019 01:52

I had an ex who said stuff like this. It was part of a wider joy in sexual coercion.

I was much younger than him and he thought I would be his fucktoy. So it was a shock to him when we moved in together and he realised I had hobbies of my own that weren't related to sex.

He had a sense of sexual entitlement, even said 'I deserve it!'

He did snap out of it eventually and we're now dear friends, but the constant face-pulling if he didn't get entertained (not just sexually, though that was a particular focus) took the shine off the relationship for me.

A therapist said to me when I mentioned one of his strops as I wasn't being interesting enough for him, 'do you expect him to entertain you?' I honestly didn't!

spongedog · 09/11/2019 10:20

My ex used to hate my hobby. Said it was for old people and it was horrible to have leftovers from dead people. My hobby is looking at antiques and collecting some. I looked with sadness then at the married couples I knew who shared (some of) their interests. It was another nail in the coffin of our relationship.

My hobby has gained strength and continued post divorce. Whereas I assume he does nothing and continues to be a really dull individual.

Yousicktwistedfruit · 09/11/2019 13:24

I’m nearly 30 and I have just learnt how to knit my DH says nothing about it I enjoy making things I’ve made blankets and rugs for my niece for her barbie house they don’t look amazing but she’s not bothered

Longblondeandblueeyes · 09/11/2019 14:46

This isn't about the knitting.

He is obviously trying to tell her that their marriage is in deep trouble.

Op can listen or ignore. Depends on whether the marriage is worth saving.

Reading between the lines, I think he feels that Op is spending a lot of time on her hobby, and no time with him in the bedroom. That would be a problem for me also (I'm female).

Minxmumma · 09/11/2019 14:57

Simple answer is don't look then. I am always surrounded by half finished crochet projects, dh just smiles and makes me more tea.

Enjoy your comfy spacious bed and leave him to it.

And as for to clever to knit socks or whatever - tell him to give a crack, nkt as easy as he thinks.