Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Has anyone ever been to a “bad0 funeral

304 replies

Iamnotagoddess · 07/11/2019 20:15

Discussing with a friend who is supporting another friend who has had a close relative die suddenly.

Didn’t want to go to Co-Op felt it was too “cheap” and have gone elsewhere and are spending 8k.

She cannot afford it.

Does it actually make any difference?

I can’t remember going to a funeral and thinking the funeral was shit other than the obvious actual shitness of it.

OP posts:
SchadenfreudePersonified · 25/01/2020 21:40

I spend hours with a family learning as much as I can about their loved one and each service is bespoke - not cut and paste like the religious ones.

This is harsh Vanilla - I'm a Reader and obviously offer religious services, for which I get my expenses only. No fee. I spend as much time with the family as they feel they need. Like yourself, I have, on occasions spent several hours , and made myself available by phone or e-mail as much as the bereaved family want.

I have learned to read between the lines when people are describing the deceased - sometimes it is not what is said, but what remains unsaid that is important - and sometimes you have to be careful not to stray into an area that might seem innocent, but in a particular family is filled with negative implications.

I don't cut and paste my funerals, and TBH nor do most of the priests I know.

However, priests, like celebrants vary greatly in the quality of the service they provide - what I do knows that I've never known a priest have more than two services in a day (maximum -and rarely those) whereas I have seen celebrants "cram them in" to put it crudely. However, priests generally don't have the time to offer that an independent celebrant has - especially in these days of combined parishes (our priest has three churches, and a Reader in each: the priest in the next parish has five - and no Readers or curates. It isn't just the number of services, it's the huge geographical areas many have to cover). This is no way excuses a poor service, but cut-and-paste, with personalisation, may be the only way some priests can manage it.

If you see my previous post, you'll see that I've said that I've been to some wonderful humanist funerals - funerals where the celebrant has captured the character of the deceased, and offered hope and joy for the future; and I've been to some bloody dreadful religious ones (my own dad's among them, where the priest got his name wrong).

It really all comes down to the individual leading the service.

WoollyMollyMonkey · 25/01/2020 21:40

There are independent Co-ops around the country, not part of the main Co-op group. Where I am we have Lincolnshire Co-op who are not the same as the Co-op Group. They have their own funeral service, and I was recently looking at buying a funeral plan for myself (yes, they do give dividend points!) but have not decided as I’m wondering what would happen to it if I moved away out of Lincolnshire in the future.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 26/01/2020 20:10

Regarding the organisation of the funerals (as opposed to the services), I have found both the small independents and the Co-op very good - though personally I particularly like working with a particular independent here in the NE, because the funeral director is a man of deep faith himself, remains in the church or crematorium chapel and participates in the service (very discreetly, sitting at the back). I find it very respectful to the deceased and the families.

Most of the other funeral directors absent themselves and listen at the door to determine when the service has concluded. I just like this small courtesy*, but I haven't found anything disrespectful or inefficient about any of the undertakers I've worked with, and I've been leading funeral services for 10 years now.

*Mr Schaden and I are both going to go with him when our time comes.

AlwaysCheddar · 26/01/2020 20:29

£8k is just plain stupid.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread