Has anyone ever been to a “bad0 funeral

[Iamnotagoddess]

Discussing with a friend who is supporting another friend who has had a close relative die suddenly.

Didn’t want to go to Co-Op felt it was too “cheap” and have gone elsewhere and are spending 8k.

She cannot afford it.

Does it actually make any difference?

I can’t remember going to a funeral and thinking the funeral was shit other than the obvious actual shitness of it.

We had to do a direct to cremation funeral for a distant relative. We held an internment though, and had some wreathes/flowers. It wasn’t shit, but there was no one around to pay their respects for them

"Plentiful sausage rolls is all you need for a memorable funeral. Good idea to hold some back because the moochers will dive in first and eat them all."

um, is that a joke?

OP, I'm with you. My father's funeral was not expensive. Maybe because we don't mix in circles where that is expected? It was very simple and cost about £3.5k.

It was very well attended, some people were standing, but there wasn't a way to anticipate that.

I have certainly been to posher funerals but it's not something I would ever judge. I've not discussed what my mother wants but tbh I'd hope for a direct cremation.

my late aunt changed her my mind when she was dying - she originally wanted a "proper" funeral, then said direct cremation. I can see why!

Maybe churches and crematoria should bring back the mort cloth, then no one would need to have more than the very basic coffin.

My family use the Co-Op everytime a member of our family dies and we have always been dealt with with the utmost respect, love and care. I would recommend them.

My mum said just to chuck her in the wheelie bin when she goes - no fuss needed

I have and it has no correlation to the amount of money that's been spent on it. It's to do with how personal the service is and the circumstances. I would have no clue how much has been spent on the coffin etc and wouldn't have any interest in it.

My parents say that too amusedbush. It isn't helpful at all. When you are in the midst of grief it is really helpful to have an idea of what decisions to make.

Mum had a direct cremation, she had arranged and paid for it as she knew she was dying.

She told us kids - 4 of us all over the UK - that she did not want a funeral, she did not want anyone there "to see her burn", her friends were all in their 80s and 90s and could not travel to the crem - she just wanted to be cremated and maybe we could get together one summer and sprinkle her somewhere nice when the sun was shining.

All sorted, all organised, no trouble to anyone - that was mum through and through. It also meant that the folk crawling out of the woodwork after she died were quickly quietened down - if they had spent time with her in her last year - they would have known she did not want a funeral.

I have mine all arranged now too. It was such a nice ending.

@karencantobe

Oh, in reality my mum has taken care of everything. After my grandad died two years ago she made up a really morbid spreadsheet which contains all of my parents' insurance policy details, funeral instructions, song choices, etc. It has sat in my inbox since she sent it and I refuse to open it before I have to!

That is different. My elderly parents just refuse to discuss it. I have already arranged a few funerals and know how much easier it is when you know what someone actually wants.

@karencantobe

My parents are 55 and 59 so hopefully I won't have to deal with that any time soon.

In the last three years my grandad, both of DH's grandads, DH's granny and my MIL have died without any sort of will or instruction left behind. The stress it can cause is incredible so I'm glad my parents have planned for the future.

Crikey @amusedbush Are you one of my kids? I say exactly the same to them, as I said upthread.😮😂

That's a lot of money but quite honestly I don't think people should talk about what they pay for funerals, it's a personal choice. The Co-op is as good as any, caters for all.

Woodland burials are popular at the moment, quite beautiful and environmentally friendly but are very expensive. If a wicker casket is bought as opposed to a biodegradable coffin, it costs a bomb! However I have to say such a funeral is very comforting, I went to one last year.

A simple cremation costs little and friends and family can have a little meal or get together afterwards in memory of the deceased. I think I will choose that for myself when I get round to it.

The only thing that has made cringe at a funeral is when the celebrant clearly has no knowledge of the deceased and is reading from a sheet of paper.

When my dad died I wanted everything as cheap as possible because he would have resented every penny spent on his death and would want it spent on the living. So we decided on a cardboard coffin.

The night before the funeral I couldn't sleep and I was fixated on the coffin. I was heartbroken by the decision and hated the thought of my dad in a cardboard box.

However, when we arrived at the Crematorium and the coffin was brought out of the hearse you would not have known that it wasn't pine. It looked like real wood.

The undertaker's services were only a very small part of the bill - by far the biggest sum was the crematorium. We had no limos, a simple flower arrangement and no photo or pictures on the order of service. But the service itself was perfect and, if my dad had been alive, I am sure he would have approved although he would have been deeply embarrassed by all the lovely things said about him.

I recently attended a woodland ceremony but it wasn’t with a casket, instead an urn was placed. The family didn’t have much money so everything was kept minimal. A friend sang two songs, only very simple family flowers. They engaged a celebrant who really took time to hear from the deceased‘s wife and family about his life. Afterwards a pub where he was a regular opened up specially (they were actually having a week off), more friends played music, people bought their own drinks, and brought food to share. As funerals go it was sad but lovely and a proper celebration of his life. And all was done on a shoestring. Friends had a collection to help with expenses.

The worst one I ever went to was my DP‘s uncle, an alcoholic who was in his 60s, intelligent man but rarely worked and couldn’t form relationships, the celebrant couldn’t even get the little he know about him right, it just felt so tragic that he had basically pissed his life away.

I went to one of a friend who was murdered in a very high profile case. Photographers and reporters everywhere and ghouls who barely knew this person just turning up to gawp.

@ColourMyDreams

Hahaha I didn't see your comment before I posted! That's hilarious.

P.S. I hope you're not my mum or else a name change is in order

No tbh I avoid funerals unless it's someone very close and they are mostly a blur. I want direct cremation my family/friends can have a big party at my house if they like hopefully in celebration not ding ding with witch is dead. For me a lavish funeral is a waste of money irrespective of whether it can be afforded or not.

Can you opt not to actually have a funeral? Obviously they have to do something with the remains, but I couldn't be doing with someone yammering on about it while everyone stands around.

@WhoWants2Know You can. You can just be cremated or buried with no attendees

I’d urge anyone thinking of that to think about who they are leaving behind. The husband of a friend of mine planned his own funeral to the letter. He did it in a way that was deeply uncomfortable for his own family. It doesn’t make any difference to a dead person what happens, but people have to live with it

I have never wondered about the cost of any funeral I've attended. Who would?

Bluerussian yes you do get the divi. My Dad prepaid for his and my Mum’s a while back. He was very excited by the divi. He uses it to buy the Christmas turkey every year.

@WhoWants2Know - read a bit further upthread - exactly what my mum had - no funeral.

We just had a co-op funeral for my grandad and it was as good as it can be. Very professional staff. The celebrant was just fantastic.

Can’t think of a bad funeral... regret being talked into having a catholic funeral for my dad, but mainly because it’s not what he would’ve wanted.

My DH’s Gran requested a certain independent local funeral directors so his Grandad obliged when she died a couple of years ago. It cost him 8k, I think they majorly ripped him off tbh. They charged per song that was played for example even though they didn’t sort the music in any way, my DH did. It was something stupid like £10 per song as well. They were rip off merchants.