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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be fed up with unwanted suggestions from men in NCT group?

108 replies

theghostofmargerykempe · 07/11/2019 16:39

Genuinely cannot tell whether I am just being a grumpy, grumpy 37.5-week pregnant lady or not... We finished our NCT classes about a month ago, and someone just asked the group WhatsApp chat whose the last-scheduled due date was. I mentioned that DP and I are the last ones (over half the people in the class have had their babies already, we're not till end-of-November), and that I'm still at work for another week and am finding it a bit of a struggle with tiredness and overheating.

The response of several of the men in the group was to pipe up saying that they recommended DP and I "go to all our favourite restaurants" between now and the end of the month, with lots of enthusiastic "I second that!" comments.

Hmm Sure, guys, that's a great idea, I will definitely go out and waste loads of money on big restaurant portions that I can eat about three bites of before wanting to vomit from heartburn. Plus staying out late in the evenings when I am already beyond shattered from working 8-hour days at 37.5 sounds like terrific use of time! Hmm

I get that they are probably just wrapped up in their new-baby phase and maybe a bit sad that going out to dinner is not part of their lives right now, but I can't help thinking it's really insensitive and annoying, especially as I hadn't asked for any recommendations or suggestions. I also note that none of the women in the group have joined in the chorus of restaurant-suggesting!

Am mostly just posting here as an alternative to saying something rude and sarcastic on the group chat, but... AIBU to not really appreciate this?

OP posts:
Georgenord · 07/11/2019 16:41

I think you’re overreacting, it’s a bit of a non issue. Probably because you’re fed up and not feeling great!

crustycrab · 07/11/2019 16:42

Completely overreacting.

peachgreen · 07/11/2019 16:44

You're overreacting, sorry. And they've got a point - it might not be restaurants but definitely take advantage of this time to do things for you and DH that you won't get to do for a while! When I look back at my pre-baby mat leave I wish I'd spent a lot less time cleaning and a lot more time having coffee out / going to the cinema etc.

ButteryGarlic · 07/11/2019 16:45

You're being over sensitive.

DappledThings · 07/11/2019 16:45

You're overreacting, sorry. And they've got a point - it might not be restaurants but definitely take advantage of this time to do things for you and DH that you won't get to do for a while!

This!

WorraLiberty · 07/11/2019 16:46

Yes, YABU and completely overreacting.

I get that they are probably just wrapped up in their new-baby phase and maybe a bit sad that going out to dinner is not part of their lives right now

It doesn't sound as though you get that at all.

Although I expect you're understandably grumpy if you're struggling with your pregnancy.

As an aside, why are you fed up that the men said it? Would it be ok if the women had?

RicStar · 07/11/2019 16:46

It's hard being one of the last to have your baby in this sort of group - you can feel left out of first day excitement and it sounds like quite a spread of dates. But I think you are over reacting. It's very normal pre birth (slightly annoying) banter.

DoraleeRhodes · 07/11/2019 16:47

Completely (although at 37 weeks understandably) overreacting

SoupDragon · 07/11/2019 16:47

cannot tell whether I am just being a grumpy, grumpy 37.5-week pregnant lady or not...

I think you are I'm afraid (and that is perfectly acceptable!)

blackcat86 · 07/11/2019 16:47

This is exactly why our nct group whatsapp is the mums only. However, do keep in mind that a few weeks in once baby is here is where the sleep deprivation really starts to get you so the other parents probably are thinking back longingly to things they wish they had known or done. You don't have to take their suggestions on board though - I did absolutely none of what we had talked about before DD arrived as she flipped to breach and I was so uncomfortable

Original poster
theghostofmargerykempe · 07/11/2019 16:47

Thanks for the check-in :)

I get wishing you had gone done different things during your mat leave, but I'm not on mat leave yet, which makes it particularly hard to take! Also, genuinely, how can it be enjoyable to go out for coffee when you can't have caffeine? (It is just one of the many things that making me sad at the moment!)

OP posts:
Areyoufree · 07/11/2019 16:47

Experiences of pregnancy vary so much - I went out to dinner when I was 5 days overdue (which I highly recommend, if you want really speedy service!), so I can imagine saying something similar. I also did lots of walking, but didn't have hip issues, which I know can be very difficult. It's easy to recommend things that worked for you, but which would be unthinkable to others.

20viona · 07/11/2019 16:48

Very much an over reaction. I had my baby 4 months ago and I totally agree with their suggestions!

Whattodoabout · 07/11/2019 16:49

Overreacting but I remember crying over garlic bread in my third trimester so you’re allowed to Grin.

mindutopia · 07/11/2019 16:50

Honestly, we’ve had two babies now. I would so recommend going to all your favourite restaurants now. That really is truly an excellent use of the last days before you have a baby.

Our youngest is 2. Dh and I had to take annual leave today to go out to lunch alone together (while dc were at school and nursery). We haven’t had a meal out alone in 2+ years. In the time since our eldest was born nearly 7 years ago, I can probably count the meals out we’ve had without shouting over children on two hands.

It really is a fantastic suggestion and I wish we made more time for that before we became parents.

Camomila · 07/11/2019 16:52

Everyone has different pregnancies, with DS1 I had terrible morning sickness for 5 months and then felt fine, DH and I went out for a nice meal a few days before DS was born, so if their DW/DPs felt well towards the end, they might not think they are suggesting anything strange.

DefConOne · 07/11/2019 16:52

Why can’t you have coffee? And yes you are completely over reacting. Maybe time to start mat leave if you are that tired and grumpy.

LeighVitoff · 07/11/2019 16:52

Caffeine if you want to go out for a coffee, you can Confused one cup makes FA difference

Original poster
theghostofmargerykempe · 07/11/2019 16:52

@WorraLiberty Thanks for the reality check :) I am particularly annoyed that it's the men because it doesn't seem like they have much of a grasp on how physically sick the idea of eating a restaurant meal can make someone at this stage of pregnancy, and I'm a bit envious of that! It feels a bit like suggesting a 5K fun-run to someone who's complaining that they've sprained their ankle.

I think if one of the women in the group had suggested it I'd be more surprised and amazed than annoyed!

OP posts:
Camomila · 07/11/2019 16:53

I'm still feeling terrible at 7m this time, I miss restaurants!

20viona · 07/11/2019 16:55

Not everyone feels terrible during pregnancy, maybe their wives didn't and they assumed you're feeling the same? I wouldn't take it to heart.

DefConOne · 07/11/2019 16:56

Not everyone experiences pregnancy the way you are. I had horrendous nausea for the first 20 weeks but no heartburn and could have managed a 3 course meal at 40 weeks. Everyone is different. I do agree a mum only group is a good idea to discuss the physical side of things but not in the basis of your example.

Original poster
theghostofmargerykempe · 07/11/2019 16:56

I think if one of the women in the group had suggested it I'd be more surprised and amazed than annoyed!

Although in the time that I was typing that response I have just seen several more from people saying that they really enjoyed eating out right before giving birth/would like to have done more of that, so maybe I should be more aware that there are lots of differences in different people's experience.

Basically I haven't finished an adult portion of food since September due to heartburn/indigestion issues, so the idea of eating out in restaurants seems really outlandish to me right now, but clearly that's not the same for everyone! :)

OP posts:
lilbumblebee · 07/11/2019 16:56

Aww @theghostofmargerykempe, I'm 37+6 with my second and I completely get that the irritability is strong at this stage but to be honest, I'd probably have recommended the same as them!

Hopefully you knock off on maternity leave soon and then before you know it, the lovely newborn snuggles!

dreichwinter · 07/11/2019 16:57

I can see you realize that you are ABU OP.

Plenty of women would give you similar advice as well I suspect.
Best wishes for your new dc when they arrive.