AIBU to be fed up with unwanted suggestions from men in NCT group?

[theghostofmargerykempe]

Genuinely cannot tell whether I am just being a grumpy, grumpy 37.5-week pregnant lady or not... We finished our NCT classes about a month ago, and someone just asked the group WhatsApp chat whose the last-scheduled due date was. I mentioned that DP and I are the last ones (over half the people in the class have had their babies already, we're not till end-of-November), and that I'm still at work for another week and am finding it a bit of a struggle with tiredness and overheating.

The response of several of the men in the group was to pipe up saying that they recommended DP and I "go to all our favourite restaurants" between now and the end of the month, with lots of enthusiastic "I second that!" comments.

Sure, guys, that's a great idea, I will definitely go out and waste loads of money on big restaurant portions that I can eat about three bites of before wanting to vomit from heartburn. Plus staying out late in the evenings when I am already beyond shattered from working 8-hour days at 37.5 sounds like terrific use of time!

I get that they are probably just wrapped up in their new-baby phase and maybe a bit sad that going out to dinner is not part of their lives right now, but I can't help thinking it's really insensitive and annoying, especially as I hadn't asked for any recommendations or suggestions. I also note that none of the women in the group have joined in the chorus of restaurant-suggesting!

Am mostly just posting here as an alternative to saying something rude and sarcastic on the group chat, but... AIBU to not really appreciate this?

It would give me the rage too.

Really?!? I mean, in the first few weeks after giving birth, all those women just wanted to be able to go out to a restaurant?

the OP has NOT given birth yet...

HeyNotInMyName the advice could have just as well come from women than men - you only dismiss it because it's men. YOU might have come up with something different, doesn't mean that all womankind would have the same opinion.

So rather than impose my own experience, I would to see what wouod be working better for her IF she was asking for support rather than just having a rant.
you are literally talking about your own experience in the sentence above AND dismissing the father's point because he is a MAN.

ThatMuppetShow why are you so fixated upon insisting men know as much about bring pregnant as women? Why is it so important to you that men be considered pregnancy experts?

Oh gosh OP, YANBU at all. I really loved the third trimester, both times, but I’ve listened to enough other women to know that it’s often uncomfortable and exhausting, definitely I remember my own final weeks at work being exhausting because there was SO MUCH to finish off even though my brain wanted to be in a totally different place. The best response to someone grumbling about all that is to commiserate - not belittle them by comparison, not try to find oh-so-hilarious ‘solutions’, not take over the conversation with a load of competitive tiredness. Pregnancy and early motherhood is so full of random people telling you what to do or think or feel, and imposing all their own drama into you - you shouldn’t have to keep shrugging it off, but you do!

I think ‘go out while you can’ is a bit like ‘sleep while you can’ - it doesn’t feel feasible to everyone, and it’s also really reflective of being in those very early stages of parenthood where those things seem so important and so distant. Mine are 7 and 1 now, at the minute I just don’t want to go for evenings out without the baby at all, I’m not worrying about that because I’ve been here before and I know it’s a really short period of time and before you know it your life has expanded again. Restaurants will always be there.

I think it can be hard to remember to be kind, on all sides, when such major stuff is going on, though. Tired hormonal emotional people - mothers or fathers - don’t always manage to think before they speak, or give each other the benefit of the doubt. They were thoughtless, and people being thoughtless towards you when you’re heavily pregnant and knackered is a bit crap, but being thoughtless when you’re sleep deprived is also very very easy...

(Deliberately avoided adding my own ‘these were my favourite late-pregnancy things! Go and do them, too!’ advice to the end of that post. )

AgnesGrundy
that's not what I said at all , why are you completely making up stuff?

ThatMuppetShow not making stuff up, it's just blatantly obvious.

I had terrible heartburn when pregnant but I enjoyed eating out right up until the end. And you can drink caffeine.

YABU.