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Original poster

Birthday dinner without DW

120 replies

NonHerbalReasoning · 07/11/2019 10:08

4 weeks ago I had ‘significant’ birthday. Had friends over, it was great fun. Organised by DW. Followed by a family holiday. An old friend, female, that we see a few times a year and both our families get along well, invited me for a belated dinner as birthday thing. She is an ex, from 30 years ago; To me this is more or less lost is the mists of time. DW says it is weird and that she ought to come too. Which is fine, OF and DW are friends. But it doesn’t seem weird to me, just sweet/thoughtful. I’m slightly concerned that DW sees it as inappropriate. Can you lot put me or DW in our our place ?!

OP posts:
IWantADifferentName · 07/11/2019 10:30

Inappropriate!

FlossieTeacakesFurCoat18 · 07/11/2019 10:31

She invited you for dinner but didn't invite your wife?

Weird as fuck.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 07/11/2019 10:34

Yes thats weird.

Just reverse the situation, DW's male friends invites her for a bday dinner and doesnt invite you....

BlueSuffragette · 07/11/2019 10:35

Should have invited DW. Bit weird without her.

VimFuego101 · 07/11/2019 10:37

Weird not to invite an established partner (let alone your actual wife), I'd assume friend had an issue with the wife for some reason.

Sceptre86 · 07/11/2019 10:37

For me that would not be ok especially if your wife and of are friendly too. Why would your of exclude your wife?

thefattestchip · 07/11/2019 10:40

It's an odd thing to do.

Hellofromtheotherside2020 · 07/11/2019 10:40

You're even asking this?! Of course it's not appropriate that your ex partner, albeit from years ago, has asked you AND NOT YOUR WIFE to dinner! Anybody celebrating a "significant" birthday over the age of 10 years old would know this, surely?

Original poster
NonHerbalReasoning · 07/11/2019 10:41

That’s pretty consistent! My weirdness radar obviously not working.

I had reversed the situation and could muster little more than a shrug and hoping she’d enjoy it.

OP posts:
AmIThough · 07/11/2019 10:46

She's definitely after something inappropriate to purposely exclude your wife

Original poster
NonHerbalReasoning · 07/11/2019 10:50

AmIThough - no she isn’t. How could you possibly know that?

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Original poster
NonHerbalReasoning · 07/11/2019 10:51

I ought to have added, and not mean to drip feed, that her DH is also coming.

OP posts:
MegaBlock · 07/11/2019 10:52

I’ll go against the grain and say it wouldn’t bother me at all. I went for a birthday meal with my male best friend. Nobody cared.

Shoxfordian · 07/11/2019 10:53

If her husband is coming then why wouldn't you assume your wife was also invited?

Cocolapew · 07/11/2019 10:54

I was going to say it's fine, it's your birthday treat, but if her DH is going that changed my mind.

Halo1234 · 07/11/2019 11:00

So you are your wife are both friends with another couple. You are going out for a birthday dinner with that couple but she has to stay at home? Surely the normal thing to do would be to go out as a group of 4. Why would she not come of she is your wife and you are all friends. It does seem weird. Not that she is trying it on but weird and a bit mean to exclude her if yous are all ment to be friends.

AmIThough · 07/11/2019 11:02

Well now you've said her DH is coming she's probably not, but even weirder to exclude your wife.

Has she specifically said your wife isn't invited?

AryaStarkWolf · 07/11/2019 11:02

You don't think it's weird that her DH is coming but your DW isn't invited? Why would she exclude her but include her own partner?

Herewegoagain84 · 07/11/2019 11:03

OF’s DH is going, so your DW is being actively excluded? That’s even worse!

AryaStarkWolf · 07/11/2019 11:05

I’ll go against the grain and say it wouldn’t bother me at all. I went for a birthday meal with my male best friend. Nobody cared.

But what if your male best friend and his wife are also friendly with your husband and the 2 of them ask you out for dinner but your husband isn't invited? You don't think that's a bit odd?

Dandelion1993 · 07/11/2019 11:06

I just don't get why your wife hasn't been invited.

Can you just explain that reason as its so odd her dh is coming and your wife isn't even given the option

Whoatethechocorange · 07/11/2019 11:08

Definetly not ok! I'd no way be happy about DP going out with an ex of any distant times...
OW absolutely has another agenda

shiningstar2 · 07/11/2019 11:11

It is a drip feed to later add her dh is coming as that would totally alter the dynamic. However imo it makes it even more weird that your wife isn't invited. If her husband can come ...why not your wife. Seems the most obvious meal out in a situation like this would be all four of you? Can't help thinking that the next part of the drip feed is that your wife and her dh don't get on.

1300cakes · 07/11/2019 11:13

It seemed normal to me, up until you said her DH is coming. If it's a couples thing it does make more sense for DW to be invited. If it's a friends only thing it seems fine, in fact if I was DW I wouldn't want to come to that, and have to listen to two old friends nattering on other old friends, etc.

Original poster
NonHerbalReasoning · 07/11/2019 11:18

Initially it wasn’t clear if her DH would be there, I think that’s what my DW found weird. But now it seems he might be there too - DW doesn’t know that yet, I’ve just found out - it does seem odd, I see that. There’s no deliberate exclusion going on, it was simply a quick dinner between the 2 of us when I posted all those minutes ago.

Latest is that it’ll be with DW and possibly OFs DH...

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