Birthday dinner without DW

[NonHerbalReasoning]

4 weeks ago I had ‘significant’ birthday. Had friends over, it was great fun. Organised by DW. Followed by a family holiday. An old friend, female, that we see a few times a year and both our families get along well, invited me for a belated dinner as birthday thing. She is an ex, from 30 years ago; To me this is more or less lost is the mists of time. DW says it is weird and that she ought to come too. Which is fine, OF and DW are friends. But it doesn’t seem weird to me, just sweet/thoughtful. I’m slightly concerned that DW sees it as inappropriate. Can you lot put me or DW in our our place ?!

Just say you'll bring your wife along and the Ex's reaction will tell you everything you need to know.

Ok so her DH is going to be there, but they didn’t invite your DW? So I’d say it’s not weird, it’s actually quite rude.

Firstly, how do you know your DW was not invited. What did OF say for you to come to that conclusion?

Secondly when she made it clear your DW was not invited, especially in view of her DH probably going (although I have my doubts about that), why did you not tell her that your DW would be coming with you?

It may be innocent, it may not. but I don't understand why the OF would do that unless perhaps she's bored with her OH and fancies a bit (you) on the side.

I would be pissed off if I was your DW, especially as she and the OF are supposed to be friends.

I think you're being a tad naive.

I think the other couple are giving you a threesome for your birthday

It’s not nice to exclude your partners from this meal as ye are all friends.

Thinking about this, I wonder if what your DW finds odd isn't her missing invite but the fact that your old friend felt the need to organise a special meal when your DW had already organised all your birthday celebrations. Maybe she sees it as a veiled criticism of the celebrations she organised and the lack of an invite feeds into that

Sounds like it was going to be just you and OF (OW) and she latterly added her DH to save face.
I think it will end up being a very awkward dinner for 4.

My Dh has female old friends. I wouldn’t mind him going out for a birthday meal alone with any of them, nor would he mind in reverse.
The fact she is an ex muddies the water slightly, but I don’t think I would be very bothered about a fling from thirty years ago.

Maybe I am weird,but this wouldn't bother me in the slightest.
And I would (and do) have dinner with an ex if I wanted too
I am married(very happily ) not joined at the hip

wtf - i go out with male friends all the time without my husband & visa versa - no big deal ! is he just not allowed to go out to anything un-chaperoned by his wife?

Lolz!

To the last couple of posters saying it would not bother them at all - I quite agree of course that men and women can have friends of the opposite sex, but I think what makes this different is that the old friend is also friends with the OP's wife so why wouldn't she invite her?

@getoutofthatgarden202 are they your exes though? And are they friends of your husband? And is your husband uncomfortable with it?

Lolz.

I am also very fond of DHs female friends, who he has known most of his life, but sometimes it is nice to see a friend without one’s spouse in tow. I might well want to see an old friend for supper on my own, I much prefer to see my female friends without DH, no different if that friend is male. I wouldn’t mind at all if DH wanted some one on one time with an old friend.

Both DH and I have had friends of both sexes all our lives, which maybe makes a difference to how we feel ?

@SilverySurfer I'm mates with loads of my husbands friends and he with mine - but sometimes we want to go just catch up one to one !

Do you ever just want a girls night and not want DH there? why is it different just because his friend happens to be a woman..

You aren't joined at the hip and you don't have to do everything together / both be invited to things as a couple!

@AmIThough I am best mates with one of my exes! we hang out all the time ! My husband has never raised any concerns about our friendship!

My ex is married to someone else too!

My husband is now friends with my ex as we have spent a lot of time all together over the last few years - but at the end of the day, this guy is a good friend of mine for over 15 years and we were friends way before I met my husband, so we spend plenty of time together - sometime with out other halves, sometimes not!

I'd be quite shocked if my DH had a problem with my friendship - as he should trust me & I have never given him a reason to doubt me!

I'll go against the grain here, and say if a male old friend of mine, who may even be an ex, invited just me out for a birthday meal, neither I nor DH would think there's anything odd about that. I honestly find it odd that so many people find it odd.

However, I DO find it odd if your friend's DH is coming, but your DW is not invited! That is bizarre.

The only issue here is that you are all friends and for the OW to not invite your wife is rather rude esp as it seems she wants to ‘celebrate’ your birthday separately after having being invited to the one your DW organised 🤷🏻‍♀️ ( Don’t bash me if I got it wrong🙈) if it was just a catch up dinner than fine .. but in this case I would be asking why? And why is your wife in my opinion not welcome .. it’s a snub surely ..

And to everyone who does not mind if their SO’s socialises with ex’s ( and you are excluded) 🍸’s you are way better than me!

@getoutofthatgarden202 fair enough - you're a better woman than me!

Ps are you OP's OF?

I don't think it's weird! I think it's nice on a significant birthday to share is with persons from the past.

Lols! I'm not the friend hahahah !!
I've just seen though that the friend is taking her husband? But the wife not invited - that makes the situation weird

Maybe they are happy to pay for the husband but the wife would be stretching the budget??

"Good god some of you are a suspicious bunch."
Yup. And we're more often right than wrong, too.

Gosh, OP, I'm with you - this is not odd. Does no one on here have friends of the opposite sex? My DH often goes for dinner with other women - I really don't want to go along as they all talk shop (he works in a profession where there are lots of women) and I really don't worry. Some people are suspicious and honestly, if DH was going to cheat, nothing would stop him, that's life.

I was just musing about an old friend of mine who I have lost touch with more and moresince he married (well, we used to still meet with his DW when we visited all our parents - we come from a far away place ) but not since my parents have died. I really miss him but she would not want us to meet up alone. DH thought that was really sad.

I don't find it weird but then DH goes to the cinema with one of his ex flings!

I go for meals with Male friends to catch up without oh, who is now friends with them but met them through me.

Thanks fuck my oh doesn’t care cos I don’t think I could deal with that