To think this person very lucky?

[PinkGlitter123]

1. Separated from a long marriage but met a new man three months on and now blissfully happy.
2. 50/50 childcare with ex so gets to socialise every other weekend with partner and go on lots of holidays and attend lots of fun events.
3. Made lots of friends through partner
4. Earns 125,000 a year but can choose when they work, no overnight travel or trips away and has every Friday off work.
5. Two very clever and sociable children who have not been impacted by the separation at all.
6. Close to sisters

I'm very lucky. Not quite on the scale of the OP's example but I am very aware that I seem to have led a charmed life and do sometimes worry that it could all come crashing down.

However, more objectively a lot of the luck has come from hard work and making good decisions. For example I went back to work when DC were small. That was really hard and not really worthwhile financially, but if I hadn't there's no way I'd be earning what I do or leading the relatively easy life now.

Similarly, I did a degree PT whilst working with young children, so I have limited sympathy with unqualified people who think I'm "lucky" to be paid what I am.

I've had no health problems. I've always maintained a healthy weight, eaten well, got regular sleep and exercise, never smoked etc. There's still an element of luck but I have contributed to that too.

But actually, I think the biggest contributor to "luck" is how you choose the people you mix with and have relationships with and a large part of that is tied up in how secure and nurturing your own upbringing was, which gives you the self worth to only accept positive relationships. So that's all luck

You don't know that her children weren't impacted.

You have know idea whether her children were impacted op. I put on a very good front of being fine and grown up about my parents divorce (I was a very mature 8 year old) but I REALLY wasn’t ok about it and it’s left me with long-lasting emotional issues.

Even my parents don’t really know how difficult I found it all these years later as I kept it from them as well.

Comparison is the thief of joy.

@StylishMummy So so true.

This reminds me of one of my FB friends who thinks everyone else is 'lucky' and has it easier than they do. It's not true. You'd never convince her, though.

Who knows whether it is the OP or not.

@CuriousaboutSamphire

"so she is abandoning them not introducing them!"

What the fucking ever loving fuck drugs are you on?

So when a Mother co parents and enjoys her free time when the kids are with their Dad, she is abandoning them?

its not luck.its still work in there in lots o areas.to have kids that feel sae and contained and ok after a seperation takes hard work from both seperating parents.and im 100% sure youve not seen the moment they will have felt themselves aching over it.nobody wants their parents to seperate no matter how amicable it is.noone wants to be 50 50 in an ideal world.they have just managed to work it out really succesfully and that woould have taken something.
also in the future it might effect them.with future career.ralationships.bith and deaths and marriages and kids.it will work differently with a blended family.
so yes she lucky she managed to find a way.but it wont have come from fairy dust and not having to work hard to make it so

My mil had a "perfect" life and was miserable. Her mother was same.

My mother had a "difficult" life and was happy. Her mother was the same.

People would say that I have a "perfect" life but I have a chronic illness that is rare and incurable. I don't look sick. Nobody would know unless I told you. I probably don't have the luxury of expecting an old age.

My husband and children break my heart bc they are always afraid they are going to lose me. I work very hard at nutrition and exercise bc it would be disrespectful to them if I don't do what I can to stay as healthy as possible.

I am loved. That's my most and best part of my life.

NOBODY has a perfect life and it's silly to judge someone and say "you're lucky."

"Lucky in some aspects" is more true.

I think that you, OP, don't know the minutiae of her life. Be kind; everyone has a bag of rocks in life. Different rocks, but rocks just the same.

Point 2. seems very sad to me, to only see the children half of the time can’t be easy on a mother (I’d hate that) also going on holidays or get togethers without children would make me very sad.

All the other stuff is relative. Not that out of ordinary or particularly lucky.
The job and associated earnings are down to hard work.
She’s only been going out with her new man for 3 months, it doesn’t mean much.
Making friends has nothing to do with luck.
Being close to own siblings is, sort of, standard, normal family dynamic.
Most kids are clever and sociable, impossible to tell if or how they’ve been affected by the separation.

Where's the op

In the pub with the Barbour coat troll.

Is this a post about the OP with the French pan set?

@Andysbestadventure

Exactly. Perfect expression btw.

I came from a very poor background and met and married a man who was from a slightly higher social bracket than myself but he was not in any way privileged.

We worked our socks off for decades, often noting that others were taking it easier, having nice holidays, cars, experiences and things and spending on ephemerals while we were living frugally, debt free, paying down the mortgage and saving.

Over time we came to be envied and resented as if we had been given all we worked for. The words, ‘you are lucky’ were quite often repeated to us, and not in a nice way. An added irony was that our children had friends who were actually very well off (banker and oil industry parents etc.) and we saw what real wealth could buy. We knew not to make the mistake of thinking them lucky, however, or, for example, their seven holidays a year would have spoilt our week in a cheap French gite or their Mercedes our second hand Ford.

Looking wider, I think that the politics of envy are spoiling public life and causing individuals who are jealous of others great pain. I hear people who are free, happy and able to enjoy a great life due to the things we have for free in this country, complaining about their lot and that of others. In focusing on the lives of others they forget to be happy and grateful for what they have themselves.

You friend, OP, is lucky to live in the UK, but then so are we all.

Well I guess meeting her new partner was luck, but being rewarded in a highly paid job and maintaining close relationships with her sisters is more down to her choices, talents and efforts.

Separation is traumatic, so I wouldn't call that luck.

And I personally would hate to be without my children for 50% of the week. 50/50 childcare brings its own challenges, and she may find that tricky as they reach teenage years.

To me, she just sounds like a normal person who is good at making the absolute best of her situation; good for her.

What is the point of this thread?!

You know a happy person OP? Is that it?

On the surface it looks like she’s lucky yes. But I’ve learnt more and more that you just don’t know what’s going on below the surface. Or, also if things genuinely are all good and everything is going well at the moment - the truth is that none of us know what the future hold. Horrible things and tragedy can come like a bolt out of the blue for anyone. This period in her life might be a happy stable one and it may or may not last. (Not wishing that on anyone just pointing out that many of us have good and bad periods of our lives and we shouldn’t envy someone else’s life as we don’t know what their future holds).

Mental Ill health can also be present regardless of A life that seems ‘lucky’ from the outside looking in.

Also, as pp have said - no one can really know the impact of separation on the kids. Plus - 3 months on to meet her new dp sounds quite quick to me so who knows what’s going on there.

She divorced, so there was something there she wasn't happy with. Even there she could have stayed in a 'wrong' relationship or divorce. With divorce too, some people divorce but not really move on, some move on and create good life for themselves.

I think I’m very lucky that my kids are healthy, my mum is still around whereas my husbands isn’t. We struggle for money and have done for the past 20 years but that’s not everything (altho it would help! Lol)

I could be this person on paper , salary not as much but everything else is me . My husband had an affair and I ended the long marriage. He then wanted 50/50 custody and took me to court to get it . I miss my children every single day that I'm not with them. I stress that they aren't getting the right food , worry that they are feeling the reprisals if divorce and worry that I'm not there if they want a cuddle last thing at night or a chat . To the outside world I might look like the luckiest as yes I'm socialising and making the best of my free time but I'd swap all of that to have my time with my lovely children and a happy family life .

It sounds like she was lucky enough to find a new partner, and that her are happy, but there must have surely been some level of upset for them all when her marriage ended? The fact that they've all been able to move forwards is probably down to her and her ex working together for their kids sake, so they obviously both put effort into this, and with the shared childcare. Yes, I would imagine that would mean she gets more time for herself, but then again, personally I would hate to be away from my kids 50 percent of the time, so that isn't something I would be particularly envious of myself. It's a different way of family life, and it obviously works for them, but it's not what everyone would want. You say that she has worked hard in her job to get whete she is now, so that's hard work as opposed to luck isn't it? Socialising takes a degree of effort too, and yes she may be lucky that her kids are academic, but does she and her ex, and new partner support them in school work, homework/learning at home? My kids do well in school but I have put a hell of a lot of effort and time in supporting their learning at home.
Sometimes people can appear to have the most perfect lives but everyone also has problems or/and worries on some level and things they deal with, not always openly for everyone else to know about.
Instead of wishing you had her life - which you can't honestly know absolutely everything about anyway, why not focus on improving individual things in your own life that you're not happy with?

Sorry, I meant to type 'and that her kids are happy'

So anybody got any idea what this post is all about? Very strange.

I’d rather have Monday’s off.