To think this person very lucky?

[PinkGlitter123]

1. Separated from a long marriage but met a new man three months on and now blissfully happy.
2. 50/50 childcare with ex so gets to socialise every other weekend with partner and go on lots of holidays and attend lots of fun events.
3. Made lots of friends through partner
4. Earns 125,000 a year but can choose when they work, no overnight travel or trips away and has every Friday off work.
5. Two very clever and sociable children who have not been impacted by the separation at all.
6. Close to sisters

I don't believe the children have come through their parents splitting up unscathed. That sounds like wishful thinking to me. If this isn't about you, and is about someone you know, remember comparison is the thief of joy. Look to your own life and if you feel you don't measure up in some areas, make changes.

OP, please tell me 6 things in a list about your life that would make me feel you were lucky. I mean it genuinely....I think it's a good game to play. I'll go first:

1. My little boy is incredibly loving - he's always wanting hugs and kisses, and it just melts my heart.
2. My partner is incredibly caring and hard-working. Not just in his job but also when we both come home at night, he probably (I say ashamedly) does more housework and childcare than I do.
3. I have a really nice dog....nice to the extent that people comment in the street about what a good, friendly boy he is.
4. Our house is tiny, so it's really easy to keep clean, even though we don't have enough space for a bedroom for each child hence the adults sleep in the living room so both children can have one.
5. Since the death of my parents, my estranged family has found new ways to bond and come together, and I really value that.
6. I have discovered a hobby in middle age that I really enjoy and that gets me meeting loads of nice folk.

I've written these 6 things BUT if you read about my life on paper phrased in another way, you'd likely feel really sorry for me. There is ill-health, we're extremely money-poor, and there have been things happen to do with death and illness that would make some people gasp.

I think that looking at the good stuff helps me and maybe it would help you too?

@PinkGlitter123

So when are you going to come on here and tell us all that this is a reverse? (And the 'super-lucky' woman is actually YOU?)

I think it's a good game to play. I'll go first

I was thinking of something similar. If I pick out the good bits:
Live in a very beautiful part of the world
Live in a nice house
Lovely OH who I'm very happy with
Have been able to give my amazing horse a great retirement
Academically gifted and very well qualified.

I can however flip all that around:
Still renting at nearly 50 years old
History of depression which possibly stopped me reaching full potential
Alcoholic father and co-dependent mother
Am re-starting my career for the 3rd, 4th time? I forget which, having had multiple redundancies and been forced out by malicious whistle blowing.
Insecure job that brings in very little money.
Had to retire my horse when he was injured.

You see how you can flip things round OP? With the person you describe you've done the first thing, you've picked out the good bits. With yourself it would perhaps seem you're doing the second and concentrating on the bad bits. In reality we all have pretty mixed lives but it's good to accentuate the positive. Otherwise, you'll go nuts - voice of experience on that one.

@Vanhi

Thanks for playing :-) It's weird isn't it, because when I read your "good list" I though, wow what an amazing life!! But then your next bit made me think "God all those other things sound really hard and must have brought their own fair share of pain!"

Isn't that all of us really? Good bit but really hard bits? Even the people who we really sympathize with have had bits in their lives that they value and which made them happy. I have a friend who lives in a really difficult situation in one of the poorest countries in the world. He isn't literate and we only ever speak when he can borrow a phone for a chat that way, but I'm always struck by how his news is largely made up of his kids and how proud he is of them, and how happy they make him.

@siacolouredthesmallone - the weird thing I noticed was that writing the first list made me feel happy and writing the second made me feel quite down! They're both true though and I know I'm more appreciative of simple things because of some of the difficult things.

I wouldn't call that luck. That's all down to hard work and effort. Obviously worked very hard to earn that salary, have an amicamble separation that didn't impact their kids, effort with new partners friends etc. It's all hard work and effort.

I bet she didn’t feel lucky when her marriage broke down unexpectedly. And I bet it hurts to only see her children 50% of the time.

It's just odd how some people post "bet she's miserable really".

Maybe she's not. Maybe she's happy with the fifty fifty. Maybe both parents are co parenting well. Maybe she's enjoying her partial freedom and down time, her social life.

It's like some people hear of some one that might just be happy and successful and want to rip it down. It's very sad.

Another one calling bullshit that the children weren’t affected by the breakdown of their parents’ marriage. And probably still are being affected - 50:50 residence is shit for children and is very rarely recommended by family court judges.

It does sound like a good life, luck or no. Maybe she likes the 50-50 co-parenting relationship, maybe she doesn't. The majority of women I know in this kind of co-parenting relationship love the arrangement but the other parent in the dynamic is equally devoted to the children, which makes a difference.
To be frank, I'd be slightly envious too.
However, I would not go by how things appear on the surface.It's all a bit too perfect.

It's just odd how some people post "bet she's miserable really".

I think that's because the OP has sort of positioned the woman in question as somebody who has fallen on her feet, therefore 'lucky'. Others are pointing out that things like a relationship breakdown mean things are not perfect - and that's ok, perfect doesn't exist for anyone.

You can have an overall happiness or contentment with your life, and recognise that you've had some crap bits too. That's life. A mixture of lucky breaks and hard knocks.

But I do think luck factors in even in very subtle ways. If you had at least one parent who loved you and supported you and tried to be a good parent - that is down to pure luck.

Solid parenting sets the tone for so much of friendships and relationships and no kid chooses to be born to abusive or inadequate parents. Having family who love you and meet your needs, and friends who enjoy your company, helps you find a sense of identity and self worth, which makes you far more likely to be successful in other ways and meet your potential.

I wasn’t intending to knock her down Bluntness. More just trying to point out to the OP that you don’t know how people are feeling or what they’re going through, however they appear on the surface.
The woman the OP is describing sounds great. If I had a friend with everything she describes then I’d be happy for them! I hope it is exactly as the OP says and she’s never had anything go ‘wrong’. I suspect however that she has had shit things happen... everyone does... but that she’s good at making the best of things and being happy regardless. She may be extremely lucky as the OP says, or she may experience the same ups and downs as everyone else but is still happy and content.

I think it sounds pretty normal for most women. An enjoyable job with a good salary, a good work life balance, but most of all not accepting a shit relationship, which is possibly what brings them the most joy. Good for them.

She's on a good salary, nothing remarkable about her life though. Many people's marriages fall apart and yes, they do move on.

I think it's a good game to play. I'll go first

I have been happily partnered with DP for 21 years.
I live in a beautiful location that makes me happy just looking out the windows.
I don't have to work, DP earns enough that we live comfortably in our own home.
My neighbours are great, one is a good friend who helps me out a lot.
I have a good online 'life' with several friends from different countries.
I have been blessed with many delightful felines over the past years.

Alternatively:

I was in an abusive marriage for 6 years, the stress of that was terrible.
I have an autoimmune disease that will shorten my life and hearing and back disabilities that mean I live an isolated existence.
I suffered a lot of depression during my 20s and 30s.
I was unable to hold down any job for long due to health issues, so I've barely any pension to look forward to.
If DP dies first I am up the proverbial creek without a paddle.

Combined, that is me!

I think your post says far more about you, OP, there is envy there. Remember you don't know what that person's future holds, you don't have the full story. Focus on your own life and what you can do to make it better, so maybe someone will post about you one day in the same way!

For all those saying good on her for moving on, I don't see how it's healthy to end a marriage (When it wasn't her choice ) and get into a full on, deep relationship just months after. If the children are ok with all this then I agree she is very lucky indeed. Same with if this relationship lasts, then I would agree she is then exceptionally lucky. Alongside earning all that money and having lots of friends, it does sound great. Some people are just luckier than others and it sounds like your friend is one of those people.

What I tend to observe about people who are lucky is that they are very positive people. This helps them stay resilient in the face of their problems, draws others to them and makes them seem even more ‘lucky’.

There are studies around this looking at how your mindset affects your resilience etc. It sounds like your friend may have certain privileges (well educated, healthy kids etc) but has coped well with her own adversity and is a very positive person. I imagine this has stood her well in her career and makes her an attractive partner and a wonderful mother.

We have no idea how long they have been together or when they met! Or what the actual circumstances of the marriage breakdown was.

Just that a woman with kids has made a good fist of a separation and seems to be getting on well with her life.

Isn't that standard advice here - the best revenge is a life well lived.

OP said it was 3 months in. I just don't see that as healthy. More like a panic reaction.

They sound so lucky getting divorced after a
Long marriage!

Ps why do you care op? If it’s a friend of yours be happy for them

Life plays tricks though and this time next year, or in 5 or 10 years,you could be writing a very different post about her. I'm grateful for my life, I have enough, it wouldn't be enough for some, but my personality is easily pleased.

There's no way the kids aren't affected at all by the break-up (and new relationship no doubt had an impact on them as well).

I know two sets of parents who got together with new partners very quickly after separating. Both said the kids were not suffering and were both very happy with the new set up and love the new partners.
I'm not going to have my say on that. Not on here....