To think this person very lucky?

[PinkGlitter123]

1. Separated from a long marriage but met a new man three months on and now blissfully happy.
2. 50/50 childcare with ex so gets to socialise every other weekend with partner and go on lots of holidays and attend lots of fun events.
3. Made lots of friends through partner
4. Earns 125,000 a year but can choose when they work, no overnight travel or trips away and has every Friday off work.
5. Two very clever and sociable children who have not been impacted by the separation at all.
6. Close to sisters

I think this thread is interesting. For the lady mentioned in the OP- bloody good for her I hope she is genuinely happy!

I think there is a lot to be said about perspective. I feel very lucky ( and I am) but my job is working with families who are in terrible circumstances/ poverty/ terminally ill and I count my blessings everyday.

I have one particular friend who has had a similarly blessed life but has a sort of victim mindset where she is never happy and seems to almost create her own problems. In fact thinking about it my DH is also prone to this despite having a happy childhood, fantastic education, having been successful in his career and settled with a family by his early thirties. I guess some of it is whether life has lived up to your expectations or not

Some people have a pessimistic personality and seem to have low self esteem which clouds thier judgement/ perspective

@CuriousaboutSamphire "We have no idea how long they have been together or when they met! Or what the actual circumstances of the marriage breakdown was."

OP says the marriage was 'many years' and the breakup was surprise to the woman, and that she met the new person 3 months on...

So how the kids were not affected by this is beyond me..

Yeah, but that's her perception. The woman herself may see it entirely differently.

And if she and her ex behaved like adults the kids would be less likely to be badly affected for an extended period. Especially if 50:50 is working well.

The main thing is that OP is wearing rose tinted glasses over her little green eyes. She hasn't got clear view of this woman's life.

I find it quite sad that some posters are suggesting that it it inlikely that a break can go smoothly, that no woman, no child can be happy after a break up... and god forbid a woman moves on quickly!

As goblins said, it can be a matter of perspective. My life has a high and sunny ceiling, I find joy in lots of small things. STBEx PoisonousSIL however, has a very negative viewpoint, low cloudy ceiling. So despite all the good things she has (great job and colleagues, own home after break up that she instigated, lots of freinds and family support, active social life, new man in her life) she is so focussed on making BIL unhappy that she has hardly noticed that he needs no help in that department, rents a 1 bed flat, lost his job, drinks heavily, few friends, etc. She spends a lot of her time poking him, bemoaning her life with him. A life she got out of, a new life she is now refusing to live properly. She will die miserable!

Personally, no, I dont think they're lucky. I wouldnt want to only have my son half of the time because I would miss him too much but then that is just me. A split family isnt all fun and games.

Can we please not automatically do the "bollocks" when people say children aren't affected by separation.

It is possible. It isn't, however, luck - it is through a great deal of hard work by two amicable parents who co-parent.

OP - are you really unhappy - you say you "wish I had her life" - what can you change to make yours more enjoyable?

"I find it quite sad that some posters are suggesting that it it inlikely that a break can go smoothly, that no woman, no child can be happy after a break up... and god forbid a woman moves on quickly!"

"Can we please not automatically do the "bollocks" when people say children aren't affected by separation"

But they MUST be affected. They're lives will ahve changed. These kids now live 50/50 in two different homes. That will have affected them.
Just like it would affect you right now if you had to live in two different houses week on week.... to say they are not affected in any way shape or form is just not true. They may be coping and maybe happy. But they will have been affected.

What's the point of this thread op?

Ah come on !

Noone has suggested there will be no effect. But OP is focussing on the woman as though she has done something wrong whilst illustrating this idea wth a picture of apparently happy people!

Why not just let in the idea that this couple might have split and successfully minimised the trauma to themselves and their kids?

Agreed, separation always impacts on children. In this case it sounds like the children dealt with their parents marital split and was introduced to a new partner, all within under a year. I will eat my hat if they have come out of that unscathed.

Ah come on. Even the OP doesn't say the kids love with, meet the new man much / at all. She suggests that the 50: 50 give her 'friend' a lot of free time to go off with him - so she is abandoning them not introducing them!

Why focus on the woman or kids at ll. OP is having a hard time seeing her friend happy. It is OP we should be focussing on... she seems to need some support!

Where's the op

Its not luck
It is skill and hard work
But subtle
Its her whole attitude and personality

Why care ... get on with being you

Yes seem to have everything! However, Everyone in this world will experience heartache sometime in their life.

So when are you going to come on here and tell us all that this is a reverse? (And the 'super-lucky' woman is actually YOU?)

Or is it y ou and you're trying to convince yourself you're lucky but don't feel it? I don't want to answer until I know the person isn't you

I don't get the point of this thread.

Wow ...well done that person. Good to hear of things turning out so well for her. Nice work if you can get it

Lucky as in fortunate, probably. Lucky as in having no control over the situations, no.

Life isn't always about luck and/or hard work though. That implies you either have no control (luck) or total control (hard work) when life often is just a series of events, choices and decisions.

I know a couple people like this OP. All married to 'decent' men. They get bored, feel they could do better and divorce the husband. They get amazing divorce settlements, a fully paid for house, half of assests, high child care payments and still have 50/50 parenting. Then they decide they don't want to work anymore, quite their job without notice, go on holiday and within two days of being back (and complaining about no money) one of my friends found another job paying £12,000 more than the one she had just left (with no notice), only works 3 days per week now instead of 5 and she gets to work from home (so no more long commutes to London which saves her even more money on top of the increased salary). She met a new man (who we all really like). I often find myself sitting back in awe of these women and wondering HTF they do it! And WTF did I go wrong?

I've worked hard my whole life in every area of my life and it hasn't turned out so well. The funny thing is they come to me for advice and a shoulder to cry on, yet they are the ones with the amazing lives!

Well, she’s lucky up to a point but not as lucky as someone who has the great job and the happy relationship without having to go through a marriage breakup first.

I find your post really odd to be honest. We all sometimes envy people who we think are luckier than us, but to dwell on the details to the extent that you feel the need to post them on a forum for people to pick apart is unhealthy and, if I’m honest, feels a little bit creepy and obsessive.

I know plenty of people with a good attitude, and great personalities, that work VERY hard, and they are not in such a good position. She is very lucky it all came together so well. Good for her. But then again maybe it’s not so plane sailing in reality.

You never know what other shit they have going on in their life or what shit they went through before....tread carefully OP.

Not trying to be goady one bit, but this sounds like me and my circle of friends (apart from the divorce thing). We all have careers we are proud of and good salaries, close and meaningful friendships, active social lives, happy families etc...

But we all work bloody hard every single day to make it happen, and have grafted for years. We push to be positive and to make the most of every second, we push to make friends and go out of our comfort zones, we strive to expand our experiences, nurture our families. It doesn't come easy.

And yet - we all have issues. Some of us have abusive families and had terrible childhoods, some struggle with depression and hidden illnesses, we all always want more from our careers and wish we had more time for our kids and husbands. Nobody has a perfect life.

What we don't do is sit around feeling sorry for ourselves, comparing our lives with others online.

I'm afraid I get the feeling that if something negative were to befall your friend OP, you'd enjoy a nice big place of schadenfreude. Just live and let live would you? She's happy ffs, be happy for her.....there's enough negativity and damage in this godforsaken world.

Most people don't broadcast the bad stuff - only the good stuff. Putting on a brave face because you don't want to elicit sympathy. Remaining positive in the face of adversity is to be commended though imo.

I wouldn't say lucky. Job, friends, children are obviously down to how she has behaved, pushed herself to get out there, move forward etc.