Can I spend Christmas with my boyfriend even though I'm married?

[Tweedprincess]

I split from my husband just over a year ago, met my new partner about 12 weeks later. Quite quickly realised we are serious but out of respect for the situation we have kept it quiet. We both have children but we have only met up when they are with their other parent. It is now coming up for Christmas and I wonder if it is now time for us to "come out" and spend Christmas Day together. He split with his ex three years ago. I'm still technically married but legally separated for a year (living separately) and a settlement has been agreed. Our children know each other and know us as the children are both in the same football club and we see each other at training sessions, but we have never all spent time together with us as a couple before. AIBU for us just to bite the bullet and spend Christmas together or should I wait for the divorce to be finalised? Our splits were quite acrimonious unfortunately and required legal action so I would expect a negative reaction from my ex.

I would wait until after Christmas

Would 100% not use christmas day as the first introduction. Crazy idea.

Honestly if your ex is still being a dick about the split I would wait until after the divorce is finalized so he can’t weaponise or misrepresent your relationship to the kids. Next Christmas, provided the divorce goes through, might be a more realistic timeframe.

No reason why you can’t let the kids know of your relationship now and just how things are closer to Christmas when deciding whether to spend the day together. Some say your bf’s son may see it as him spending time with another family at Christmas but he may equally be happy and see it as his dad not being on his own for Christmas. Half of MN think step parents or new partners are the work of the devil and should never be introduced until all kids have left home.

No, introducing is fine but suddenly dumping a new stranger into such a huge position for Christmas is wrong for your kids. Be fair to them.

Christmas is for your kids not about your new relationship

He's your bf no need to bring him into such important celebrations just yet. If you really want to see him, maybe he could come in the evening time.

Ask yourself how your feel if the exh does this? Because unless your going to ask him if it's ok you need to be ready for him to introduce women to your dc.

Read the OP's updates

She's not going to do it!

Well done OP and I hope all goes well on the future

"thinking with my fanny"

It was me who said it.
That is what you was doing, thinking with your fanny. Just like men sometimes think with their dick.
It's relevant when the interests of the child (in this case) are placed into a secondary position, in favour of their latest love interest.

12 weeks was said in relation that you had been separated for 12 weeks when you met. Not that you had been together for 12 weeks.

At least you have the sense to hold off a bit and let your child deal with everything first.

Talk about a complicated family op.....

TweedPrincess, well done, thought you would. It's the right decision.

January - two months from now - you could start introducing gradually.

me thinks op was expecting everyone to say ‘yanbu’?
Wrong place to put new bf ahead of kids

Even if you came out now, I’d still not do Xmas together or I’d let ex take kids. You were a family this time last year and imo, I’d not have a good reaction if I was your ex either. It’s hard enough not to have your kids at Xmas but to know they are playing happy families with mums new bf would take the biscuit.

Not christmas time. Just random time eg nov, march mention boyfriend and slowly bring it in.

As everyone else has said, definitely not Christmas.
I would also wait until the divorce is finalised. If you say you see it being long term and it's amazing then why the rush?

Why are you linking NOW with Xmas if it is your intention to introduce them now.

Your post suggested you were going to tell them now and Xmas would be the first meeting. This would be terrible unfair on the children and all about putting your own feelings before your children.

If the question is should I introduce my partner before divorce Is finalised then that’s a different question entirely.