Can I spend Christmas with my boyfriend even though I'm married?

[Tweedprincess]

I split from my husband just over a year ago, met my new partner about 12 weeks later. Quite quickly realised we are serious but out of respect for the situation we have kept it quiet. We both have children but we have only met up when they are with their other parent. It is now coming up for Christmas and I wonder if it is now time for us to "come out" and spend Christmas Day together. He split with his ex three years ago. I'm still technically married but legally separated for a year (living separately) and a settlement has been agreed. Our children know each other and know us as the children are both in the same football club and we see each other at training sessions, but we have never all spent time together with us as a couple before. AIBU for us just to bite the bullet and spend Christmas together or should I wait for the divorce to be finalised? Our splits were quite acrimonious unfortunately and required legal action so I would expect a negative reaction from my ex.

Even if you tell everyone he's your boyfriend now, I'd still do Christmas without boyfriend to keep it special and stable for dc.

His dc might be sad that he's with another child for Christmas.

I can't remember how long you said you'd been seeing your boyfriend though, if it's a fairly new relationship then I'd wait till new year even for telling everyone.

In guessing this is the first christmas for you're child without his father living with them. That's a big thing in its self,a year is nothing. Please don't bring you're special friend round and announce that you're together over christmas regardless if he likes him and the dc get on its massively insensitive. Dont under estimate the impact separation can have on dc especially key moments like birthdays and christmas whereby they were used to their family unit together not separate.

Especially as splits were acrimonious. I wouldn't do anything to wind exes up as that would end up with upset for dc.

Could you test the water so to speak and maybe take his kids and your kids to the pantomime together? as friends..see how it goes ? That way you all get to do something special together but not in an out and out way if you see what I mean?

It’s too soon to be celebrating a “family” Christmas.

Why has it been acrimonious? Does your H know your boyfriend?

Forget this Christmas being together and wait for divorce to happen.

If your ex knows the bf then telling him will likely cause some tension which is likely to not be resolved by Christmas.

I wouldn’t. Christmas is very much family time. I would establish your boyfriend as family before having him involved in Christmas.

I suggest you continue to keep a low profile until you have your Absolute if for no other reason than if your ex gets arsey he could technically revisit the proceedings and choose to cite your adultery as grounds for divorce.

That's not to say you shouldn't invite your bf for Christmas lunch/dinner, but keep it as friends who happen to be on their own for the festive season rather than lovers who are announcing their commitment to each other.

Christmas is totally the wrong time.

The answer to your question is “No”, Christmas is not the correct time to introduce friend as your new bf. Not being divorced is irrelevant i this situation. Christmas is an emotional time and introducing a new bf to the mic will add too much pressure.

I think you could "come out" about the relationship (though I think it is very early, even if it is serious). Not the Xmas day - or even Xassy family things.

But imagine how you'd feel at 5 if your dad was spending Xmas day - your first not as a family - with some kid from football. Imagine how his ex will feel. Imagine how your ex will feel . You need to try for a little empathy here. Even - especially - if the splits were acrimonious.

If you are not yet divorced and fresh out of settlement negotiations I would skip it this year as things could kick off with your sort of ex particularly. It could cause all sorts of complications and accusations to be honest so best left alone.

Once you are free clear and divorced go for it

I feel the need to clarify that I wasn't intended to wrap my boyfriend in Christmas paper and present him to my DC as "new daddy"...

lol

I'd wait until your divorce is over before starting to create a blended family.

Not fair on the DC. Wait until after, or tell them before but dont inflict this new family on them on Christmas Day, maybe next year.

This is my second Christmas separated from H and second Christmas that the dc know about the separation. Dc have met both my bf just recently and exh's gf about 10 months ago and I still wouldn't expect them to spend Christmas with either party.

We split Christmas Day last year and I expect will do the same this year, so I guess it's not as much of an issue.

if you know you are serious then by all means go public now. I wouldn't spend Xmas day together though. maybe boxing day or something.

I wouldn’t, it’s an awful idea. Too much pressure and too soon to be involving children.

So to top off a year where the children have had to live through an acrimonious spilt you’re going to make Christmas Day about yourselves, rather than them?

The fact you are legally married would not bother me, you have been separated long enough that it shouldn't cause ripples.

Can you do an Xmas day before the big day. Maybe go out to Christmas events or stay at home and do crafts, listen to music and play games.

Wow. Way to ruin Christmas.
In fact, hard to think of anything that will put more of strain on Christmas than sitting down to Christmas dinner with the stranger that is doing your mum. Sorry to e brutal about it
Suck it up.
It's still very early days. You kids are still getting their heads around that. Give them christmas at least.

OP, Christmas would be an awful choice as a time to do this.

I think it's going to be more difficult for DCs than you think.

Presumably this time last year your child was having to come to terms with not being with both parents together at Christmas, which is just one of those things but is big for a small child. then this Christmas you're proposing to drop another huge change on him/her.

I would wait until the new year.

Go public now if you want to. But leave Christmas day this year.

By next year you will be in a completely different 'place' and hopefully can negotiate with respective exes to plan the time properly.

Your bf doesn't have his dc so it doesn't seem right to add him onto your Christmas with your dc.

If you do decide to go public there are other days for you to meet up and do something festive.

I'm afraid it feels like you just want to spend Christmas day with your new boyfriend.

No. Just wait. Why are you insisting on this? His child may feel very left out or your child might feel weird to have Christmas with a man other than their dad so soon after the break up. Just do the right and safest thing and wait.

Whatever happens, announcing it now or later, don't spend Christmas together as it'll be difficult and confusing for the children, it's too soon.

DM pulled a stunt like this when I was 17 and although I was older it was still hurtful (she tried to suggest they were 'just friends' though which made it worse).

Don't spring this on your kids at Christmas ask hell could break loose.

Let them have you to themselves on Christmas Day and see boyfriend on Boxing Day?