FIL wants me to wear a certain jacket WWYD?

[Flyingfish2019]

FIL is a somewhat quirky individual. While he has his strong points he can also be bossy and say offensive things.
He told me that he wanted our children to wear wool sweaters. I told him no, because you cannot even put them in the tumble drier. Then he wanted me to wear a certain type of jacket (the type ladies from his generation wear). He wanted to buy me one. I told him: no. He bought one in my size nevertheless and gave it to me as a present. WWYD?

To be honest, your FIL is right about the wool sweaters- better for envirnment, skin etc that polyester crap, but yeah, also harder to maintain.

Totally baffled by the thought that you should wear something you don't want because 'he's older and used to getting his own way'. I'll tell my husband this so he can start wearing clothes I like instead of what he likes and needs. He may tell me to sod off.

@Disfordarkchocolate I didn't suggest she wear anything she didn't like. I just suggested that she should accept it, and then move on. Not worth picking a fight about. Just say thank you and whack it in the cupboard

I don't understand this at all

Surely your/anyone's response would be "Don't be silly FIL, I don't tell you what to wear, leave me alone."

Barbours are really nice, I'd probably wear it and tackle his bossiness on another occasion.

I just googled and found this:
Woolmark-approved garments that have a care claim that states 'tumble dry' can be tumble dried on a low heat setting or a setting for wool or delicates. It is advised to use a tumble dryer that has been approved by The Woolmark Company.

Your father in law doesn't take into account that some people cannot wear wool, it itches something terrible.

Cashmilon is high standard, looks and feels like cashmere but is man made. I believe there are some wool garments that have been treated so as not to irritate but I haven't come across them.

I’ll have it!

I think there comes a point when as a woman being gracious can sod right off. Why does this woman have to be gracious and her FIL gets to be rude and demanding. Why doesn't she have to keep the peace and not him?

An ex bf’s dad was like this: what people should do, eat and wear. My ex was on pins once as dad had decided his new shoes were unacceptable in his eyes (bf about 30 at the time). The general family rule seemed to be to appease him. He’d decide something should happen and not let up about it! Be firm, OP.

He doesn’t get to tell you what to do and wear on your own home. TBH he sounds awful and you don’t need to put up with it.

She doesn't have to be gracious, but it's probably easiest. And it's not just women that have to be gracious. I suspect her DH would be too, as would all male and female members of the family subject to his weirdness.

You don't have to be passive, just not pick a fight.

Of course, she could tackle it head on 'please don't tell me what I can and can't feed my children. I will give them ketchup if I want to' Which is fair and logical. But realistically what will be gained? He's hardly going to acquiesce and change his ways. More likely there will be frosty relations or even a full argument and ongoing drama.

And with the coat, it's odd to buy something someone doesn't want, but again, what's to be gained in not accepting and putting it aside?

Isn't this just part of family dynamics? I know that we were all gracious with old grandma who was odd, and sometimes rude. Her opinions were bonkers, she was particularly pokey at me and other women, but I saw her 8 times a year. I got on with it. The one time I did argue back it was awful, and toxic, and she then died (obviously this isn't linked and couldn't be known) I just don't think it's worth it. Let him have his opinions on ketchup and the Barbour, and then get on with living your own life your own way.

My life is much less stress free now that I've stopped worrying about stuff that I can't change and doesn't matter long term.

In in-laws buying unwelcome presents is one thing. Doing so after you have specifically said you don’t want one is another. It is bullying/controlling, and the fact that it is generous does not mitigate that, IMO.

It sounds like you have already accepted the coat, OP. The ideal thing would have been, when he tried to give it to you, to say “That’s very generous of you, FIL, but as I’ve already told you I am happy with the coat I’ve got. This just isn’t my style, so thank you, but no.”

Now that you have it in your possession, you have several choices. You could return it, along with a modified version of the speech above - but only do so if you have decided to make a stand on all this sort of thing. You will need to be consistent.

There is the just not wear option....l wonder how long it will be before he asks where it is?

Charity shop - seems a waste.

eBay and buy something you like - I dunno, maybe a bit passive aggressive. How many North Face jackets could you buy with what you would get for the Barbour?

Can we have a picture of it?

Are barbour trying to infiltrate our collective conscious

I like Kurri's idea. I'm thinking a manikini like Borat wore.

But then, your FIL sounds weird enough to go for that and then the image would be permanently ingrained in your mind forever more and give you nightmares!

and DH hates it and it makes him feel sad because he likes both

I bet it does. Life's too short to have to listen to family's constant petty squabbles.

I can't imagine in what universe my FIL would suggest what I wear. It's quite odd really.

I mean my mum would never suggest DH wears a particular item. She has bought him clothing gifts, but she would never tell him an item he was wearing didn't suit him or she didn't like it.

The good points you mention about his dad, are what a normal decent parent would do.

Well, dh has mental health problems and he thought he was a disappointment for his family... and his father took much time to talk to him and tell him he was not.

He also is generous with money, send his children to good schools and later tried to help them in their jobs whenever he could.
THEY are his strong points.

Aw. I rather like him!

Barbour jacket and
"He also is generous with money, send his children to good schools and later tried to help them in their jobs whenever he could."
OMG pp was right it's Kate Middleton!

Could you accept it and video a test RIP for us please? #BarbourJacketTroll

Could you accept it and video a test RIP for us please? #BarbourJacketTroll

I would also be interested to see this.

< assembles a number of test "rippers": - a nail; a small child with a pair of blunt-ended scissors that you cut paper with; a Stanley knife; a cat's claw (cat still attached - no-on need summon the authorities); the sharp edge of a broken prosecco glass; a Swiss Army knife of the type possibly used by Barbourboy for taking boy scouts out of horses' hooves; a roast potato >

I haven't read through the entire post but that goes beyond qurky. Tell him to stop being so silly.

Barbour is pricey, flog it on Ebay.

I love the idea that there is a Barbour jacket troll

I recognise your frustration with a demanding fil re clothing. Just accept and leave it. You're lucky to have one