FIL wants me to wear a certain jacket WWYD?

[Flyingfish2019]

FIL is a somewhat quirky individual. While he has his strong points he can also be bossy and say offensive things.
He told me that he wanted our children to wear wool sweaters. I told him no, because you cannot even put them in the tumble drier. Then he wanted me to wear a certain type of jacket (the type ladies from his generation wear). He wanted to buy me one. I told him: no. He bought one in my size nevertheless and gave it to me as a present. WWYD?

A lot of country type people of all ages wear Barbour, it is a hunting/shooting type of wear. If you ride you tend to live in fleeces and other washable clothing.

Don’t wear it if you don’t want to

I love Barbours, which do come in more than one style by the way, but I'd still strongly object to someone trying to dictate what I and my children wear. In my case I'd accept it and only wear it when he wouldn't know about it, so he thought it was languishing in a wardrobe somewhere.

@Trewser but he didn’t say “I think ketchup has too much sugar“ but he said that his grandchildren are not going to eat ketchup because it has too much sugar and that I am not going to give it to them (when he was our guest). I think that was very bossy.

It doesn’t matter what he bought you - it’s just weird that he buys you clothing that you don’t want or haven’t chosen yourself.

And he gave then chocolate and candy and eats a lots of sweets himself.

Seeing your update, I think for me his good points (deep down he sounds kind and generous even if this generosity is sometimes misplaced) would outweigh the fairly minor inconvenience of a barbour jacket.

When I see some of the posts on here about seriously vile in laws, a man who buys you expensive jackets sound not too bad. obviously you said you didn;t want it and he ignored you - which is annoying behaviour - but maybe he thought once you'd braved some inclement weather in it you'd be a convert.

Worth tolerating his faults to keep his good relationship with your DH.
You could just say 'thanks for the jacket, it's really not my style would you like to regift it to or can I swap it for a different style? Personally I'd wear it and keep warm (I am 60 though - which probably sums up your objection to the coat )

@leckford I do ride and I ride in The North Face and Vaude and the like, have done so all my life and never died from it.

@Kurrikurri Yes, that’s what I think too. I think he is important for dh... but I really have to bite my tongue sometimes. He can make me so angry sometimes.

Mm. This isn't about one coat vs another, is it? I think he is trying to pretty you up, so to speak. Like thinking women look better in a neat nipped-in coat rather than an androgynous North Face.

Hmmm, normally I would say just keep it and don't wear it then charity shop next year but if you think it's a control thing then I would thank him very much for being so kind but hand it back as you won't wear it.

@Kurrikurri again I fear there is no Barbour jacket I would like to wear because I just do not want one. I like “functional jackets“ better and also think Barbour makes you look older.

@hammeringinmyhead Yes, this is what I think.

Oddly I agree with him that a barbour jacket is nicer than a north face and that wool jumpers are warmer and softer for children.

BUT I wouldn't dream of insisting anyone else followed suit. Is he insisting or just giving his opinion for you to take or leave?

I think he would prefer my to be more ladylike.

I doubt he thinks that! I have a bossy FIL and actually underneath all the bluster he's really generous and good with the kids. Try and find some good in him otherwise you are going to have a miserable time

It’s not just the sugar in ketchup that’s the problem. It’s the combination of the acidic vinegar and sugar that is terrible for teeth.

I think of Barbour as a hairy gamekeeper/hunt follower look, rather than 'ladylike'. Perhaps you could accessorise it with a long-dead grouse or two, and a shotgun and stubble?

he said that his grandchildren are not going to eat ketchup because it has too much sugar and that I am not going to give it to them

Point out that his grandchildren are also your children, and isn't it marvellous? parents get to decide what condiments they let their children eat. He had this chance to throw his weight around with his own offspring.

You seem to be doing a lot of tongue-biting, OP. Would your DH really be so devastated if you laughed heartily at his ideas and said 'As if!' I do it a fair amount with my MIL without worrying whether it makes DH feel bad. He is absolutely at liberty to tell my parents they are incredibly annoying, also.

Whilst I'm generally in favour of graciously accepting non wanted gifts, in order not to offend, I wouldn't here. This man is a bully and needs to be stood up to.no need to be rude, but I would politely turn down his offered gifts as they are given as an attempt to control your behaviour.

No, he does not have a cloth fetish. He has a telling-other-people-what-to-do fetish. For example he also told me never to give the children ketch-up/tomato sauce because it has to much sugar... or not to drink latte machiatto or buy ready made guacamole because it is a rip-off

And??

Actually dh laughs about some of FIL oldfashioned and strange ideas behind his back too... but he does not like conflict in the family.
FIL and one of my BILs quarrel a lot (about really, really, silly ... basically FIL tries to boss BIL around but BIL doesn’t want to take it... and he is not the guy to EVER bite his tongue) and DH hates it and it makes him feel sad because he likes both.

"She's not dressing to look good for you"
"She's an adult and can choose her own clothes

Why on earth would anyone need their husband to say this for them? If he's directing his comments at you, then you reply, as meekly or as forcefully as you like.

People like this only carry on doing it because everyone lets them. My FIL always "knew best", but I didn't 'carry out his wishes' but nor did I fall out with him.

I don't understand the problem. In laws are always going to like different things and buy presents you don't like. Just say thanks and either sell it or give to charity. I think you need to chill out

Exactly!

Is it a fetish he has OP?

I think this is one occasion where you need to smile and nod, it's not the end of the world. Unless he's visiting all the time and constantly barking orders.

Re the ketchup 'yes, I can see that you think it's bad. Yes, it does contain sugar. Thank you for the information' and then bring it out again when he's gone.

The jacket: 'thank you, that's kind of you. As you know, I do like my current jacket but will try to wear this one when I can'

He's older. He's used to getting his own way. He's also family, and important to your DH, and in his own way trying to be helpful.

I have in-laws like this (namely grandma in law) It's an exercise in biting your tongue and being gracious in the face of nonsense. Nothing good will come from fighting back.

P.s wool jumpers so much nicer than polyester. I never tumble dry.

Only l know you said he hasn't but it looks like it to me