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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to take 3 week old baby out for NYE dinner?

227 replies

Imtootired · 04/11/2019 12:45

My baby is due first week in December. My friend asked if I’d like to do something NYE and I said I’d like to but not sure what I will be able to do with baby. She has found a nice restaurant in the city that has private rooms if you have over a certain amount of people and spend enough. I think she’s already got enough numbers for that so it wouldn’t be the end of the world if I do have to cancel. Obviously I have no idea how my baby will be but if everything is good I wonder if I should take a baby so young out, especially in the evening on such a busy night. There is room for the pram and we can turn the speakers in there off or down so it’s not too loud. None of our friends cause trouble or drink much at all. Although 10+ people in a room might be quite loud anyway. And my main concern is going through the city with such a small baby in a pram when it’s so crowded and there might be a lot of drunk, crazy people around. What do you think?

OP posts:
goodtoseeyou · 04/11/2019 13:17

I took my DS1 to a wedding when he was three weeks old (and after a c section)

If you feel up to it at the time then go and if you don’t then have a night in. Don’t pressure yourself just now.

Whattodoabout · 04/11/2019 13:21

DH and I went out for a meal on NYE last year with two month old DS and it was absolutely fine. He slept throughout the whole thing. The newborn stage is honestly the quietest they will ever be... It definitely depends on how well you feel after birth though, so many things can go wrong.

I don’t see an issue with it if your birth goes well and you feel ok.

ColaFreezePop · 04/11/2019 13:21

If it wasn't crowded getting there and back then I would do this.

Then again I was out and about 2 days after having mine. In fact I complained to the midwives and HV that they were the ones keeping me in.

Hugtheduggee · 04/11/2019 13:21

I'd do it in a heartbeat.

Remembering back, I went out to a party with my first when he was about 2 weeks old. He slept in the sling the entire time. It wasn't loud, but I had ear defenders with me if I needed them.

Second time, I went to a meal out within the first few weeks, and by 3 months he'd been to a concert, and happily slept through a very loud band, with ear defenders on.

All they care about at that age is being snuggled up to you and having access to cuddles and food. That can be provided anywhere. A baby will never be as portable as in the first few months so go for it.

And yes you'll likely be 'bleeding'. So what? I go out during my period. And if you're leaky - thats what breast pads are for. If you have a tricky birth or are very late, then reassess!

M3lon · 04/11/2019 13:22

There is a very small chance that you would actually be up for this when the time came, and massively larger chance that you will very seriously regret having said yes.

So just say no.

namechangetheworld · 04/11/2019 13:28

I avoided taking both of my newborns anywhere overly public and crowded (i.e a restaurant on NYE!) before their first set of vaccinations, but that's just me. And what if you have a C section? Some of my friends could barely stand up for the first few weeks post partum.
Stay at home and have cuddles!

skankingpiglet · 04/11/2019 13:29

I tend to be in the overly optimistic, 'of course, why not?!' group of people when it comes to getting out and about or taking my DCs to stuff, but this would be a straight no from me. I would consider a NYE party at a (good) friend's house at that stage a possibility, as I could relax better and have some space and privacy if necessary. No way would I want to go to a restaurant in those circumstances. I had a cs with both DCs and I was still taking an awful lot of painkillers at 3wks pp. The walking alone would have been too much. Then add in the exhaustion, bleeding and sore leaky boobs... nope.

SayOohLaLa · 04/11/2019 13:29

OP, a breat pump will get you 10ml of milk if you're doing well. At that stage, it won't get enough for your mum to baby sit. You may also have had a section and be advised not to maul the pram around. I really wouldn't go.

CIT80 · 04/11/2019 13:30

I would say it’s absolutely fine - I took ds to my step brothers wedding at 9 days old no issues at all

mistermagpie · 04/11/2019 13:36

Honestly don't do it to yourself. With my first I was all over the place for about the first six weeks. We went to a wedding when he was five weeks old and it was... ok... but I can't remember much about it and we left before the evening do got going. At three weeks? I wouldn't have gone.

Hugtheduggee · 04/11/2019 13:38

To the "And what if you have a C section?" responses - some of us did, and still think its doable, because for a lot of people recovery really isn't that bad, and quicker than a lot of vaginal births. That's for another thread really, but I hate the way that c sections get portrayed as something that takes weeks and weeks to recover from, whereas a vaginal birth is fine. Often its the other way round. Or its a bit potluck how you recover.

LaurieMarlow · 04/11/2019 13:39

I physically could have done this with both mine, no problem. And both were c sections.

Its more the logistics I'd be worried about. Getting into town on a night like NYE, getting home, keeping baby warm, finding something to wear you feel good in, can feed in.

With that in mind, I probably wouldn't.

KitKat1985 · 04/11/2019 13:41

Is it your first OP? You are likely to be exhausted with a very young baby. The only place I wanted to be in the evenings with a young baby each time was snuggled in bed or on the sofa trying to get some sleep. And at that age baby may well be 'cluster feeding' for bloody ages of an evening.

LaurieMarlow · 04/11/2019 13:41

because for a lot of people recovery really isn't that bad, and quicker than a lot of vaginal births.

Totally agree. I was back to normal levels of walking/getting around in less than a week.

But recovery from birth is unpredictable, no matter how you deliver.

KitKat1985 · 04/11/2019 13:41

Oh and you can't ask a restaurant on NYE to turn the music down because you have a baby with you!

stripes416 · 04/11/2019 13:42

I really wouldn't on such a busy night for the babies sake and I don't think you would be able to relax. Even if the group you are with are a calm group, it's everybody else I would be thinking about. I wouldn't ever go to town on New Years even without a baby because it can get so manic.
Also you will be so tired you probably won't want to go anyway. I remember the third week being exhausting for us as the lack of sleep just seemed to really catch up with us around that time. I also don't think you'll want to leave the baby with anybody at that point even if just for a couple of hours.

SoyDora · 04/11/2019 13:42

I had three straightforward vaginal births, was ‘recovered’ within days (probably less, I was out and about with the pram and having lunch in cafes less than 24 hours after giving birth) and still wouldn’t have wanted to do it with any of mine 🤷🏻‍♀️. I was fucking exhausted and had a baby attached to my breast approx 22 out of 24 hours from around a week old to 8 weeks old.

firstimemamma · 04/11/2019 13:42

I'm guessing this is your first.

I wouldn't. At 3 weeks post partum I managed to pop out very briefly to a local cafe. Was too shattered fir anything else.

coffeeandpyjamas · 04/11/2019 13:47

Don’t commit! You might have the baby late or might need a c section. I had DS by emergency c section and at 3 weeks old I could still barely stand long enough to do the washing up!

Passthecherrycoke · 04/11/2019 13:49

I think some of the replies are pretty patronising. Especially around it being her first. I have 2, both emergency c sections with complications necessitating a 5 night stay. I would’ve loved a night out 3 weeks after their birth. Plenty of my friends felt the same. They’re usually at their most portable at this age!

babybrain77 · 04/11/2019 13:50

Another one recommending not to. This is exactly the kind of thing I would have signed up to before having DS. But at 3 weeks after his due date (he was a week overdue), I still could barely stand/walk without help. I agree with PPs saying the baby would likely be fine, but you have no idea how you're going to feel in yourself.

Is it possible to add another seat at the table closer to the time if you feel up to it? That way you don't feel any pressure but have the opportunity to go if you feel like it?

Passthecherrycoke · 04/11/2019 13:50

Actually when I say I would’ve loved, I did. Christenings on day 6 and day 13 for the second baby and a big birthday party 4 weeks in with the first. And we ate in restaurants all the time. Wanted to celebrate no longer being pregnant and show everyone my amazing baby!

Allmyarseandpeggymartin · 04/11/2019 13:51

Nope nope nope

You might be late, recovering from a c section or knackered op.

worriedmumtoteen · 04/11/2019 13:52

God, no. How are you planning to feed? Baby could be two weeks late and you could feel terrible/not have feeding established, etc.

Why not ask friend to come to yours on NYE and you can watch a film/have pizza/picky bits and some fizz? I know what I'd prefer...
I don't think NYE is really a great night for babies to be out either.

TruffleShuffles · 04/11/2019 13:54

Have all the people who are going said they would be happy with you being there? I’d be pretty pissed off if I’d forked out for a private room for news eve then when I turned up we had to turn the music down and be quiet because there was a three week old baby there.