AIBU to take 3 week old baby out for NYE dinner?

[Imtootired]

My baby is due first week in December. My friend asked if I’d like to do something NYE and I said I’d like to but not sure what I will be able to do with baby. She has found a nice restaurant in the city that has private rooms if you have over a certain amount of people and spend enough. I think she’s already got enough numbers for that so it wouldn’t be the end of the world if I do have to cancel. Obviously I have no idea how my baby will be but if everything is good I wonder if I should take a baby so young out, especially in the evening on such a busy night. There is room for the pram and we can turn the speakers in there off or down so it’s not too loud. None of our friends cause trouble or drink much at all. Although 10+ people in a room might be quite loud anyway. And my main concern is going through the city with such a small baby in a pram when it’s so crowded and there might be a lot of drunk, crazy people around. What do you think?

I would see if your friend would be happy to wait and see how you feel after the birth and go from there.

Lots of women are comparing how they felt, but how they felt is completely irrelevant really as every birth and recovery is completely different. You may have a really shitty birth and not feel up to it. You may have a wonderful birth and easy recovery. You won't know until the time comes

No way, I didn't fancy an evening out for months. Bloody knackered

I'm
Going against the grain and I totally would have done this with all four of mine. No, you can't expect the speakers to be turned down but I'd sit in the furthest corner from them. We were at a party 4 days after one of the babies was born. However, all of mine were relatively straightforward births (apart from 2nd and 3rd degree tears) so I was quite lucky

Is there any such thing as a ‘typical parent’?

If you go get little baby ear defenders. I went to a wedding and it was so loud that it was an absolute nightmare with a tiny baby. Couple of weekends went to another loud wedding and it was absolutely fine with ear defenders.

How do you know baby will be 3 weeks old?

Three weeks after DS1 was born (induced) - no way
Three week after DS2 was born (ELCS) - absolutely

See what you feel like?

I don't have any children (yet) but I was always under the impression that newborns should't be out for extended periods of time and/or among lots of people due to not having much of an immune system/vaccinations yet?
Also in my culture it's bad luck to go out with your baby for the first 40 days, I'm not superstitious normally but if/when I have a baby I wouldn't risk it just in case. That's just me though.
I do think it's unreasonable to expect the speakers to be turned down on NYE though, I wouldn't be happy about the party atmosphere being dampened because someone decided to bring their baby.

Anyone who says newborns are portable and sleep all the time never had a colic baby. Mine screamed day and night and couldn't sleep, at all ever for first 3 months... we were so unprepared for this we took her to a&e to find out what was wrong! I was also in too much pain to walk for about 2 weeks. Probably best to just decline to be on the safe side

Dd was nearly 3 weeks late so you might have other plans for NYE

I would go insane if I was stuck at home for 40 days Overthinker1988! Plus how would it work for subsequent babies? I had to take mine to school and fetch them every day as soon as DH finished paternity leave. I was out and about within 24 hours with all of mine.

Take my older ones to school and fetch them I mean.

I'd go nuts too SoyDora. I spent a lot of time at home when poorly during pregnancy. That was enough for me.

I'm a member of a fb group with a lot of American mums . Lots weren't going out for a few months. It must have been atrocious for their mental health.

Plus there are obvious mental health benefits to getting out and about (if you feel up to it) rather than being cooped up inside.

Plus what about the trips to the health visitor? Which they demand? Confined space, maybe sick people? The doctors for your 6 week check? Ditto. School run, people coming round to your house to visit the baby who have colds etc etc?

Not suggesting you go out to a busy restaurant on NYE but that’s more because of how you’ll be feeling. The baby would be fine (unless music too loud).

Crossed post Hugtheduggee but yes I’ve never heard this advice about avoiding crowded spaces here. That’s why I suggested it was US and yes maybe Australian advice. The advice does vary from country to country! (Shows how evidence based it is).

How would you even get there and back. Csection and you can’t drive, taxi is a no no.
Mine was 16 days late. At 5 weeks I remember being up and about and okay (we turned a corner). Before that we just existed and muddled through...

So you expect everything to revolve around your baby, turn the music down etc.? Sounds remarkably selfish to me.

Why is a taxi a no no? As long as they use a car seat it’s fine, surely?

And plenty of people are driving by 3 weeks after a section (especially if it's an elcs).
And taxi or a loft would be fine. Or maybe OP is going with her partner and he could drive?

No not with a winter baby you'll be worried about colds and germs and it'll be tiny. And you'll still possibly be in bits.

@SoyDora I mean at new year. Where I live they are already starting to be booked up.

I would bring the baby if it's a calm one for sure
Life goes on

Getting out is really important with baby if you're well enough but I think a NYE party sounds like a nightmare.

At 3 weeks I enjoyed short walks, maybe a cafe visit but home was just 24 long hours of baby fog. And i am quite a relaxed 'roll with the punches' sort of person normally.

Pg with second now and hoping I might be able to enjoy it a bit more next time!

@Overthinker1988 in Germany we have a concept called the Wochenbett, week-bed, a period of several weeks the mum should rest, just bond with the baby and do absolutely nothing.

I would go mad, not only is being confined bad for mental health, who would do all the work unless you have a huge extended family and you like having them in your personal space.

Unless you have a sick child or a preemie you can and should go out. Obviously not going anywhere where lots of people are ill but any normal outing is perfectly possible. If you breastfeed you give a certain amount of immunity through the milk.

Most of us have to go out for practical reasons anyway.

@SoyDora I don't know, like I say I don't have kids yet, it's just something I've heard my mum and other people say. My guess it that it dates back to the past when infant mortality was high and women didn't get much medical help during or after the birth, so it was better to be careful about exposure to germs/cold temperatures/over-exertion.
I don't think people really do it much nowadays as it's not as relevant, but I like the idea of it...not necessarily strictly staying in for 40 days but just taking that time to recover, bond with the baby, adjust to my new life, maybe go for short walks but nothing major.
I know other people are out and about straight away but I don't think I would enjoy that personally.