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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Clothing teens.. who pays?

133 replies

AwkwardFucker · 04/11/2019 11:36

My teenager is sending me broke.. no one tells you this shit when you’re planning a baby.

We gave her 200 a couple of months ago to buy some clothes as she said she “had none”. She spent 100 on ONE item of brand name clothing and a couple of other bits and pieces. We refused to give her more.

She’s just asked for 300 for more clothes because she once again “has none”. She has more clothes than the rest of the family put together.

I’m obviously happy to clothe her as needed, and buy the expensive brand name stuff for Xmas/birthday etc, but I can’t afford to keep handing her a stack of cash because she doesn’t like her current clothes anymore. Confused

I’ve suggested a part time job, but she hasn’t bothered to look or do anything about it.

Apparently wearing last seasons clothes will make her a social leper. Am I meant to just keep coughing up to keep her in the latest fashions?

OP posts:
CMOTDibbler · 04/11/2019 11:40

Set her a monthly allowance that you think is affordable for you, tell her what it has to cover (all clothes except school uniform, toiletries beyond supermarket purchases, socialising apart from family holiday - whatever you want really) and then leave her to it. If she chooses to buy one very expensive piece and nothing else for months, thats her choice - maybe she'll get smarter about buying and selling on ebay etc

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 04/11/2019 11:41

How old is she? I have two teenage boys and I still pay for all theirs. They aren’t stupid enough to spend that kind of money though!

MissMarpletheMurderer · 04/11/2019 11:42

I don't give my kids money for clothes I take them (not at local town, they couldn't be seen shopping with me) then I have a budget for example I will pay £35 for trainers but if they want a better pair they pay the difference. Jeans are £20 tops £15 I buy underwear but only Primark, they can have an expensive item for Christmas.

Milicentbystander72 · 04/11/2019 11:42

I have a 14 yr old dd.

I buy her school clothes, shoes (within reason ie if she needs winter shoes or boots or smart shoes for something. I buy her some season clothes like a new pair of jeans or a new jumper etc. Anything else she wants she saves her money and buys herself.

I'm lucky in that we've never gone down the designer path except perhaps a pair of converse trainers for Xmas. She's quite happy with Gap, New Look or even Next if it's staples like jeans and t-shirts.
She buys wacky 80's retro clothing from Urban Outfitters etc that I would never buy her - but it's her money.

In short, no. I would never have over £200 for to buy her own clothes. I never make my dd wear something she doesn't like but I for most clothes I go with her and pay......never designer.

I think she needs to go cold turkey and realise her money won't go far if she blows £100 on one item.

MoonahStone · 04/11/2019 11:42

What the previous poster said go for a monthly allowance and be clear she needs to stick to it. You won't do her any favours in the longer term not teaching her to live within her means.

Original poster
AwkwardFucker · 04/11/2019 11:43

She’s 15.

I’m happy to pay if she’s sensible about it. And actually needs them. And doesn’t spend ridiculous amounts on brand names.

AIBU to say if she wants branded stuff, she needs to pay for it, unless it’s a gift?!

OP posts:
Comefromaway · 04/11/2019 11:45

I do things differently for my two.

Ds has no interest whatsoever in buying clothes except for the occasional memorabilia hoody. He is in a youth theatre and they have show hoodies etc. So I buy all his clothes and stuff for school etc and budget roughly £40-£45 per month for this.

Dd likes to go shopping. So I give her £20 per week in her allowance that has to cover clothes, books and equipment.

Lollypop85 · 04/11/2019 11:46

OP I think that's totally reasonable. She needs to know you will provide what she needs but within reason. More expensive/luxury items should be saved and paid for by herself.

I also need to take my own advice, you're not alone Wink

user1480880826 · 04/11/2019 11:48

You are giving her crazy amounts of money. She sounds quite spoilt from what you have described and her expectations.

Set her a months allowance and she will have to learn to budget. The way you’re handling this is setting her up to struggle with finances once she independent.

Boom45 · 04/11/2019 11:50

Mine aren't teens yet but when I was I had an allowance to cover my clothes. I'm very tall so shoes and coats (that fit) were expensive so my parents bought them but other than that it was all down to me. If I wanted something special I saved for it and if I "had no clothes" that was my fault.
Luckily I didn't have a school uniform (I would've looked ridiculous crammed into a school uniform designed for someone a foot smaller than me!) but that meant I needed to buy clothes that wouldn't get me sent home from school too. Did me good and probably saved my parents a fortune.

Original poster
AwkwardFucker · 04/11/2019 11:53

You are giving her crazy amounts of money. She sounds quite spoilt from what you have described and her expectations.

You are absolutely correct, she is definitely spoilt. The hard thing is, she/we have a lot less money than her all friends. I guess there is a bit of “keeping up with the joneses” from both of us.

Thanks everyone. I like the monthly allowance idea.

OP posts:
FabbyChix · 04/11/2019 11:57

Suggest she buys branded from eBay or in the sales

TheFaerieQueene · 04/11/2019 12:00

At 15 she is more than old enough to understand you have a budget and there isn’t a magic money tree to keep her in the style she seems to want to be accustomed to.

Bottledate · 04/11/2019 12:00

I got a clothes allowance in addition to pocket money/Saturday wages as a teenager - it was then up to me whether to spend it as soon as I got it or save it for a larger item. Something additional could be requested as a birthday/ Christmas present. Good way of teaching a bit of money management.

Whattodoabout · 04/11/2019 12:03

Give her a weekly allowance and tell her she can use that until she turns 16 and can get a part time job. She needs to learn the value of money, that isn’t going to happen if you just hand her hundreds of pounds when she demands it.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 04/11/2019 12:04

She's old enough to know understand the value off money.

Stop pandering to her and tell her to get a Saturday job.

Appletreehouse · 04/11/2019 12:05

My mum used to give me the family allowance for my clothes monthly from being about 13 (£35 a month, but was 20 years ago so don't know what would be reasonable now!) She bought school uniform and shoes, swimming costume, ballet leotard and shoes, underwear and one special outfit for xmas day, but the rest was down to me. It helped me budget as I quickly learnt to think about what tops/bottoms matched so I could optimise my budget.

ColaFreezePop · 04/11/2019 12:10

One of my nephews' use to demand expensive clothes of his parents and sometimes they gave in to my horror. They refused to give him an allowance.

He then learnt at 14 to make money out of doing odd jobs for me including researching and selling my old mobiles for the most money. (It was quite funny as then he would go around every adult in the family saying "I can sell your old mobile for commission.")

Then suddenly he was more responsible as his mum could tell him to spend his own money and he actually had some.

asco · 04/11/2019 12:15

The rule in this house, with a 15 & 16 yr old is that I will buy everything they NEED, anything else is a WANT and for those items - and I have one who is a label snob!! - I will pay half.
It's surprising what all of a sudden is no longer a case of "But I neeeeeeeeeed it" when they are contributing to the cost of it.

JacksonPillock · 04/11/2019 12:15

AIBU to say if she wants branded stuff, she needs to pay for it, unless it’s a gift?!

Of course not. I never buy my kids branded stuff.

As you said, the monthly allowance idea usually works well. That way she knows she's not gonna get more just by asking. She's old enough to learn to budget her money, to save up for bigger things, etc.

Dontsweatthelittlestuff · 04/11/2019 12:16

Set her a budget to cover clothing and personal items and tell her what you expect this to cover. Then decide when and how she will receive this money.
Weekly, Monthly or quarterly via cash or standing order into her back account.
Then stick to it.

JacksonPillock · 04/11/2019 12:17

Also as soon as she turns 16 I would be encouraging part-time work. The only reason I started working part-time at 16 (actually I had a paper round from age 13 lol) is because I wanted more money for clothes and going out with friends and my parents wouldn't give me more than my £20 a month allowance.

Ellisandra · 04/11/2019 12:19

I don’t think you need anyone to warn you when trying for a baby that they might want to spend your money as teens! Grin

My stepdaughters were given £200 for AW and £200 for SS. Totally their choice how to spend it. Other items could be requested for birthday / Xmas. School uniform covered.

Worked fine.

It’s not always easy to find a job aged 15, these days, btw.

JacksonPillock · 04/11/2019 12:20

What is AW and SS?

Purplejay · 04/11/2019 12:23

DS 13 (from Sept) gets £50 per month for clothes. He wanted to manage his budget and I agreed. It is a trial but he currently has £150. We are planning a city break early Dec when he will have £200 and he is looking forward to some clothes shopping.

On top of this I will buy his p.e. kit (his school has no uniform) and bought him quite a bit of stuff at the start of the summer.

At the moment he is enjoying hanging onto the money. He likes brands too so I am hoping this will teach him that he has to pick and choose when to spend more. For example he wears a lot of plain tshirts, oant and socks from supermarkets but likes branded trainers and hoodies.

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