Clothing teens.. who pays?

[AwkwardFucker]

My teenager is sending me broke.. no one tells you this shit when you’re planning a baby.

We gave her 200 a couple of months ago to buy some clothes as she said she “had none”. She spent 100 on ONE item of brand name clothing and a couple of other bits and pieces. We refused to give her more.

She’s just asked for 300 for more clothes because she once again “has none”. She has more clothes than the rest of the family put together.

I’m obviously happy to clothe her as needed, and buy the expensive brand name stuff for Xmas/birthday etc, but I can’t afford to keep handing her a stack of cash because she doesn’t like her current clothes anymore.

I’ve suggested a part time job, but she hasn’t bothered to look or do anything about it.

Apparently wearing last seasons clothes will make her a social leper. Am I meant to just keep coughing up to keep her in the latest fashions?

My daughter is 15, she gets £10 a week allowance and that is to buy her clothes. We will buy her vouchers or give her money for xmas and birthdays. And if there is a special occasion like a wedding I'll get her something but otherwise she buys her own out of her allowance.

The world bank declares poverty as living off £1.47 a day. Seeing as my daughter gets £1.43 and doesn't have to pay any household costs or food etc, I think she's doing pretty good (and that's what I tell her if she ever thought about complaining)

That is a ridiculous amount of money.

My dd is 16 and she has a part time job that she uses the money from to buy special / branded items of clothes. I buy stuff for her like underwear, pjs, day to day jeans and hoodies, that sort of stuff. I take her shopping and we go to primark or new look for those. Nothing super expensive.

AW is Autumn/Winter

SS is Spring/ Summer

As far as her friends go ,nearly every teenager I know thinks that EE ( (everyone else!) has more than them! ( they dont IMO!) either way you are setting a trap for yourself like this .Agree on a set amount each month ,(maybe child allowance) .Anything like shoes ,coats ,school uniform you pay for ,anything else is hers to pay for .No one can keep on handing out hundreds of pounds and shouldnt anyway !

My mind is boggled. There is absolutely no way I would be handing my teen that kind of money for clothing

This is great. I was honestly expecting true mumsnet responses about how I should buy her whatever her little heart desires until she’s 46 because she didn’t ask to be born.

I will think about a reasonable monthly allowance. Thanks!

That's a ridiculous amount of money.
I have 2 teenage daughters, the eldest is working weekends so I don't give her any money for clothes/shoes and the youngest works few hours, once or twice a month and gets 15 allowance a week. More than enough. I would buy them outfits if it's a special occasion (wedding, christening) and give them vouchers for Christmas and birthdays

DD has 80€ per month for clothes, any presents she wants to buy anyone, socialising without family, and any other non essential things she wants outside birthdays and Christmas.

She budgets very well, manages to save, seems to have enough for clothes and random items she wants, and never asks for extra handouts although she does earn extra by doing family laundry (this was her own idea - she made herself a 50 cents per load washed, dried and folded Starchart ) She earns an extra 10€ - 15€ per month doing laundry but doesn't have to and only does it if she wants to.

I pay mine a weekly amount to do chores and they would have to save up for expensive things

I do actually do a primark/new look shop for us all in summer/winter for the basics: tights, leggings, shorts etc. Then they will specify more expensive items like trainers for Christmas or birthdays

DD is 17 and got a job when she was 16 and she now knows the value of money! She uses her student discount codes to buy cheap crap from PLT and ends up sending most of it back anyway 😂

I actually only give DD15 £5 a week

But this is in part due to the fact she never spends money on much anyway, and we agreed I would put £25 into a savings account for her a month instead. She saves all her money for the cinema or presents for her friends. She has no interest in clothes or make up (yet). I think she has more spare cash laying about than I do 😂

The thing for me at the moment, is that my boys are still growing (rapidly) and they need rather than want clothes. I feel that’s my responsibility right now. When they stop growing at want things ‘just because’ then I will re-evaluate how we do things.

Yes my DD’s don’t grow as much as I imagine boys do, so the clothes last a lot longer!

DD - luckily still not keen on brands - will be taken shopping and if an item oversteps the budget I have in mind she has to cough up the difference.

My sister did this with all her 3 girls, it worked fantastic.

I don't mind spending more on a quality good item she actually needs like a good coat, shoes or trousers/tops which lasts (when she stops growing) but I don't see a point buying for the sake of a name on the thing.

I wouldn't give her a dime. Time to start babysitting, get a paper route or a job and earn her own money.

My DD is 15 and she gets £50 a month. This is for socialising, cinema, make up etc. I will buy basic toiletries but if she wants a certain brand she buys it herself. With clothes i will buy her Pj's and essential items but again, if she wants something special she will save. If she spends her allowance in say 3 weeks then she doesn't get anymore money til the 1st of the month. It helps her budget and gives her some responsibility. I will buy her high-end trainers once a year - if she goes off them or wants a better pair then she'll save for them. She is looking for a part time job.

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat the physical fact that boys keep growing for longer than girlsdoes make keeping this fair between siblings when you have both sexes! My dc2 is a boy and I haven't yet decided how to make it fair given he hasn't hit puberty yet at 12, so although he's genetically fairly tallish he hasn't even started with growth spurts... He's probably got at least 4 shoe sizes to grow if he's going to be the same size as his dad... Not sure how we'll work it to keep it fair in comparison to his sister who's feet haven't grown for 2 years, and whilst she might grow another few cm that won't mean a different clothes size...

When my dd was that I age I'd say "Here is £200 for summer clothes" and she was responsible for deciding what she needed and wanted until the autumn. She is an ASOS addict and would probably buy 10 items at £20 rather than 2 items at £100 each. If she wants stuff that is likely to go out of fashion quickly, she should buy used from eBay or go to Primark. My dd dresses the same now (age 16) as she did at age 14 so we don't have the can't wear last year's clothes problem.

My DD has a wardrobe of basics,boots and winter coat for college.She gets £80 a month for any other clothes,meals,coffee etc.
She saves her money by making packed lunches and shopping on Preloved sites.

I agree @AgnesGrundy and I didn’t realise until I read this thread!

My son is very nearly 16 and still growing! I can’t see him walk around in shoes that don’t fit and ankle swinging jeans. It’s not his fault. I have two sons so a long time of this!

I do have a daughter yet to reach puberty so the disparity will hopefully happen at different times and less noticeable.

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat I have the daughter first and then the two sons, and they will all be teens at the same time (though only for 2 years) so I do have to find a solution! Not 100% sure what it'll be though!

I have DC of both sexes (teens/young adults now) and yes, my DSs grew horrifically quickly, much more so than than my DD's.

I tend to think of it as money spent on them in general rather than just clothing. (We aren't rich, they each had an equal small amount of weekly pocket money for socialising/coffees etc and when they are in full time education we pay for (like PP said) needs not wants - stationery/clothes etc etc)

Re: clothes, DSs obviously need more trousers/shoes etc than DDs but we also bought nicer than basic bras/make up/nice tights/extra toiletries like Lush shampoo bars for the DDs to keep the spending more or less equal. I also sold the outgrown stuff and put it in the budget for everyone so it evened out.

No one seemed to think it was unfair, they didn't "keep track" of what was spent on everyone else and they seemed happy with the situation. They certainly wouldn't have dreamed of asking for £500 in the space of a couple of months, and if they had they would have been getting the total sum of fuck all.

They knew however we didn't have much money for "treaty stuff" and that we did our best to give them what they really wanted on top of needs. The ones that are old enough have part time jobs (from college onwards, also we have SN which rule some out) and appreciate how long they have to work to buy what they want.

Whilst they are still in education and at home we keep buying all the needs like new tights, toiletries etc and they spend their wages on their wants like £££ branded stuff.

Perhaps it makes it easier if you are on a very tight budget as you have to work with what you've got and you simply can't give them what you haven't got. I think it's important that DC know this so they appreciate what they do have. I tend to think that a 15yr old asking for another £300 doesn't really appreciate the value of money, and it's a lesson they must learn. I know it's not easy these days for 15 yr olds to get jobs (in our area at least) but I would be asking her to eBay (or mine use Depop to sell what she wanted to fund the new stuff).

I think actually I would be asking her to divide the amount of money that she wants with the minimum wage for her age (£4.35). She would have to work 68 hrs for the £300 she wants (let alone what she already has been given!)

Assuming she had (say an 8hr Saturday job she would have to work two months simply to fund it and nothing else- does she realise this?

Also, doing this is an incentive to work hard and get a well paying job.

(Excuse me if any of my sums are wrong, I'm shit at maths)

My dd has had an allowance since she was 12 which has gone up with age .. she knows the value of money and buys expensive items herself whilst I still buy essentials .
Keeping up with the Jones' is very silly and not a great way to bring her up..just sit down with her and explain it's stopping so she needs to get a paper round etc if she wants expensive items ..
what a bloody nightmare being held to random over clothes you can't afford !

WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles I'm thinking more in terms of whether/ when to swap from pocket money to an allowance for the boys, as it's worked so well for the girl from age 13 but the boys will still be growing upwards fast at 13 - or may not have started the fast growth spurts and shoot up twenty cm in 6 months at 14 or 15 or 16...

I suppose we'll just treat foot and height growth spurts as exceptions to the allowance rule and do a basics shop in addition when they actually outgrow stuff.

DS1 is 14 and has no interest in clothes at all, to the point where I still buy his stuff because he'd probably still be wearing age 9-10 jeans if left to his own devices.

DS2 is 8 and already believes he's a Rockefeller with his spending habits. Without a doubt he will ruin us with his love of new shoes.

I give them both a choice with clothes; less so the 8 year old because he'd buy everything Ralph Lauren given chance and I'm not spending £40 on one t-shirt for a small boy to put on the dog when I'm not looking.