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to think that while bringing uninvited children to a party is rude, this mother's response is HARDCORE
658

thedevilwithbarty · 03/11/2019 12:23

So there has been a bit of an issue lately at our local primary (the one my kids went to, they're teens now but it's a small community, so we still know a lot of people there) with people bringing additional kids (siblings) to parties and it's perceived as quite cheeky, especially when they're left and hosting parents expected to supervise and feed kids they didn't invite.

There was a whole-class party at a leisure centre last weekend at which the hosting mum had done little lunch boxes for each child with the usual - rolls, fairy cakes, fruit, veg sticks, crisps etc. There were unfortunately several uninvited siblings dumped by their parents at the start of the party.

If I were the hosting parent and I knew this wa likely to happen, I would have either put a note on the invitation that I was catering for the children individually, so please do NOT bring additional children, or brought a few extra boxes of food - I'd be pissed off at the cheekiness, but I wouldn't see a child go hungry.

This mum had brought a little bin with a sign on it saying "Yuck Bin" with a vomiting emoji Shock which she passed around for all the children to put the items they didn't like from their food boxes. Then the uninvited siblings were allowed to take food from the Yuck Bin.

I wasn't there, obviously, but I have heard via friends that one of the mothers of the additional children flipped out at the end of the party when she was told by her child about how he was fed. There was a bit of a scene and the birthday child was upset. I can see her point tbh - she's a rude cow for dumping her children wholesale without asking first, but the hosting mum's way of dealing with it was horrible. AIBU to think that nobody has behaved very well here?

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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

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GleamInYourEyes · 03/11/2019 13:10

The yuk bin is really odd!

But when I do parties I do food boxes and party bags only for the children who have confirmed they are coming so uninvited siblings would get nothing.

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Saddler · 03/11/2019 13:13

Morale of the story, don't use a children's party as a babysitter for the rest of the kids

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Pieceofpurplesky · 03/11/2019 13:13

I have been to parties where there has been a tray for kids to put unwanted food and extra kids have eaten from there. Nobody moaned. I imagine everything in the box was wrapped - so not like a vom bucket of pigswill

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Rivergreen · 03/11/2019 13:14

Well done that mum!

Calling it vindictive and using sad face emojis because "they probably didn't get any cake either" is ridiculous OP. I dispair of society if we are raising a group of children who can't cope with the idea that sometimes siblings will get something they don't. Be that party invites or cake. At least they weren't left hungry.

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pigsDOfly · 03/11/2019 13:15

It's a very long time since I've hosted a children's party - youngest is 32 - and never knew anyone try to dump their uninvited children at a party.

I'm afraid I would have turned the extra children away at the door. I've never been great at dealing with confrontation but there's no way I'd just accept being used as an unpaid baby sitter.

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bridgetreilly · 03/11/2019 13:16

I think the host mother has actually behaved far worse than the CF who left uninvited kids at the party. It's an absolute fundamental rule that adults should be kind to children.

It's not kind to dump your children with no adults who have a responsibility to look after them. The parents who do that are absolutely to blame here.

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Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 03/11/2019 13:16

IMO She had thought up the "yuck bin" as a way to deal with the leftovers/unwanted Frazzles.

I bet she didn't go round saying "you weren't invited you can only eat scraps". The only way she could feed the uninvited guests was to use the leftover food, improvising in the moment. She could have taken the sign off.

The mother who kicked off is a massive CF should have been ashamed, spoiling another child's party. She hadn't herself provided lunch and had dumped an uninvited child without the courtesy of asking.

It's hard to turn uninvited kids away when they rack up, not because of the little sad faces but because when 18 people turn up at once you can't really tell or deal with issues like that.

And to whichever pp upthread to says this was "bullying" - it isn't. Bullying is systematically, deliberately and repeatedly singling out someone for abuse. Which this was not. Don't bandy the word around.

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EssentialHummus · 03/11/2019 13:17

It's just not the right way to handle it. Surely if this is a known problem you put "No siblings" on the invite and have someone on the door to reinforce that - you don't take it out on the siblings.

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wineisnecessary · 03/11/2019 13:17

People must be getting right cf's these days as my youngest is in teens and I don't remember anyone bringing uninvited kids to a party nor did I . I would say I haven't any leftover food for your child especially if it was a few extra , 1 maybe ok but not if they don't even ask .
I agree no one has behaved well and tbh the host is worse because she has anticipated this situation and has come up with a quite a nasty plan . The cf parents are more thoughtless and busy so think wrongly it's ok .

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C8H10N4O2 · 03/11/2019 13:17

You actually saw this OP or are you relying on second hand accounts?

Either way, it's not a way I'd treat a guest at a party. And when you allow a child to stay, they become a guest

They were not guests, they were not allowed to stay, they were gatecrashers which at most professional events would be removed by security.

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Aragog · 03/11/2019 13:18

Feeding them the unwanted food - fine
Putting them in the labelled box in this way - unkind

However - even more at fault is all these parents leaving uninvited parents at a party. I think more of the local parents need to make a stand on this. Have someone at the door and only accept the invited child and no one else, and write on the invitation that the party is only for the child named and siblings cannot be accommodated. Bad enough to just take invited siblings to any party, but to actually leave them there and disappear is really rude!

Fortunately this didn't happen at the parties we hosted, or went to, when DD was small. If these was a sibling issue the parents spoke to the hosts, but weren't offended if someone said no.

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MsTSwift · 03/11/2019 13:20

Like the friend of friend who had a mother ring up because her little precious hadn’t got a party bag her response “that was intentional his behaviour was appalling good day” phone down. She was leaving the school so not bothered by bridges burnt!

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tabulahrasa · 03/11/2019 13:21

You’d assume though... that the bin was to collect unopened food, to save it being put in the actual bin with leftovers and then because there were uninvited uncatered for children they’ve been offered it as it’s going spare?

Rather than some weird passive aggressive pre-planned way to deal with uninvited children...

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WorraLiberty · 03/11/2019 13:22

Something else I can't understand is why the leisure centre didn't have a problem with there being more kids at a party, than there should've been Confused

Otherwise, why charge by the amount of children and why have limits at all?

And yes to Awwlookatmybabyspider who said it's a safeguarding issue. People need to know how many kids are actually there.

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C8H10N4O2 · 03/11/2019 13:23

People must be getting right cf's these days as my youngest is in teens and I don't remember anyone bringing uninvited kids to a party nor did I

Yes I agree. I don't recall it when mine were little and I don't hear about it from amongst my DCs' friends or the DGC generation. Perhaps its just this one small community which is the oddity.

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Aragog · 03/11/2019 13:24

I think a better way to address it would have been to ask the uninvited children to share with their invited sibling. Or at the very least just put the unwanted food items on a tray or platter, rather than a labelled box. If the child wanted cake or sweets, and there were none of the platter, then they share their siblings or do without. They parents can always buy them a sweet treat when they deign to collect them.

I used to do individual food boxes, but would only make one or two food items spare, not extra boxes. Why would I make extra food which could get wasted??

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GrimalkinsCrone · 03/11/2019 13:25

My children are a bit younger than yours PigsDOfly and I agree that 15/20 years ago, this was never an issue at any party I either hosted or attended. When did it become a thing that gatecrashers were sympathised with, catered for and people worried about them not having cake? Or parents thought the invitation covered a family?
I’d have turned them away, and if that wasn’t ok, they’d have to remove the invited child as well.

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Durgasarrow · 03/11/2019 13:26

I think it's meanspirited and brilliant. No one is going to do this bullshit to her again.

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V1daw1inter · 03/11/2019 13:26

I think the mum hosting did nothing wrong. I’ve done those boxes to avoid waste. Only ever made the amount who were invited.

If you turn up anywhere uninvited you need to accept that you probably won’t be catered for.

I certainly wouldn’t be paying for extra food we didn’t need for people not invited. That is so entitled to expect that.

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Aragog · 03/11/2019 13:26

Otherwise, why charge by the amount of children and why have limits at all?

Round here those kind of venues often charged up to a maximum number rather than by headcount.

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WorraLiberty · 03/11/2019 13:29

Round here those kind of venues often charged up to a maximum number rather than by headcount.

Yes, so let's say the maximum number has been reached.

The OP said there were 'several' uninvited siblings there.

Part of me wonders if she was the sort to just agree and then get annoyed later.

I find it difficult to believe she didn't spot several random children being dumped and that she had no way of contacting their parents.

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Pasithea · 03/11/2019 13:30

Brilliant.

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V1daw1inter · 03/11/2019 13:31

At the end of the day it is the rude mother’s fault. She should have appreciated that there was a big risk her child would go hungry or have left overs. Not fair to put him/her in that position. Mortifying.

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SpagBowl99 · 03/11/2019 13:31

  1. The children were not invited (Their parents were rude to leave them there).
  2. The children probably had a nice time at the party and ate something

    Why is anyone worrying about this?
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WotchaTalkinBoutWillis · 03/11/2019 13:32

Yuck bin! Shock Grin
That's actually jaw droppingly hilarious, I mean who the actual fuck does that lol
Just wow..... OK lol

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