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to think that while bringing uninvited children to a party is rude, this mother's response is HARDCORE
658

thedevilwithbarty · 03/11/2019 12:23

So there has been a bit of an issue lately at our local primary (the one my kids went to, they're teens now but it's a small community, so we still know a lot of people there) with people bringing additional kids (siblings) to parties and it's perceived as quite cheeky, especially when they're left and hosting parents expected to supervise and feed kids they didn't invite.

There was a whole-class party at a leisure centre last weekend at which the hosting mum had done little lunch boxes for each child with the usual - rolls, fairy cakes, fruit, veg sticks, crisps etc. There were unfortunately several uninvited siblings dumped by their parents at the start of the party.

If I were the hosting parent and I knew this wa likely to happen, I would have either put a note on the invitation that I was catering for the children individually, so please do NOT bring additional children, or brought a few extra boxes of food - I'd be pissed off at the cheekiness, but I wouldn't see a child go hungry.

This mum had brought a little bin with a sign on it saying "Yuck Bin" with a vomiting emoji Shock which she passed around for all the children to put the items they didn't like from their food boxes. Then the uninvited siblings were allowed to take food from the Yuck Bin.

I wasn't there, obviously, but I have heard via friends that one of the mothers of the additional children flipped out at the end of the party when she was told by her child about how he was fed. There was a bit of a scene and the birthday child was upset. I can see her point tbh - she's a rude cow for dumping her children wholesale without asking first, but the hosting mum's way of dealing with it was horrible. AIBU to think that nobody has behaved very well here?

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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

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WorraLiberty · 03/11/2019 14:07

it bloody is, especially with rude as fuck cf who don't take no for an answer and might cause a szene/have a tantrum.

"Hi, we're at capacity. We can't take any more kids I'm afraid".

Nothing hard about that ^^ and anyone causing a scene is only showing themselves up.

I always used to make extra party bags for siblings, but no way would I have let the parents treat me like a mug.

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Puzzledandpissedoff · 03/11/2019 14:07

How did several people manage to dump their kids without the host or anyone of the helpers noticing?

IME the CFs don't exactly advertise their CFery - more likely than not the kids sort of "appeared" among the excitement of arrivals because the parents just dumped them without much comment

It always beats me when folk say "how could the host disappoint the kids?" If the DPs don't care enough to make proper arrangements for them, why should that become the host's problem? And each to their own when providing extra food, etc, but for those who care about these things, I'm not sure how that's ever going to discourage the CFs

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wonderstuff · 03/11/2019 14:08

I can't believe parents would dump uninvited siblings! If you're staying then I can understand a sibling tagging along, I'd expect parents to pay for entry to soft play or wherever, but to drop a child off! Incredibly rude. Obviously no one comes out well here.

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CravingCheese · 03/11/2019 14:10

This was absolutely horrible.

Telling the parents before they leave that they cannot leave uninvited / unannounced children? That you will not look after them or feed them and that they either need to take the additional child with them or stay? Absolutely.

What this mother did was however absolutely unacceptable.

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Babynamechangerr · 03/11/2019 14:11

Of course it is vile and dehumanising to treat the uninvited kids like pigs, eating the unwanted leftovers (and probably passing a few viruses around in the process).

Stipulate no siblings on the invitation and call out parents as they're leaving. If this really is a problem then I'm sure there are just a handful of repeat offenders who should just be shamed on the class WhatsApp group.

If you get a few extra children that were not catered for, I'd just ask the invited child to share the food with their sibling, there's usually way too much food anyway so shouldn't be an issue.

I've always made up a few extra party bags for this kind of thing, but parents who've brought siblings have always asked beforehand, been very apologetic and you tend to get a nicer gift than you would otherwise.

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HermioneWeasley · 03/11/2019 14:11

IME the CF parents are like ninjas and are out the door having abandoned their kids and not left a number before you realise- it’s chaos at the start of those parties.

The left behind kids have bigger problems than being fed individually wrapped items of food, albeit perhaps not their first choice (calling it a “slops bin” is ridiculous hyperbole). They have CF parents who can’t be arsed to parent them- the bigger problem here.

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InsertFunnyUsername · 03/11/2019 14:11

If it was intentional to prove a point I just find it embarrassing for the party mum and the people congratulating her.


If you can go to the effort of feeding kids from a bin intentionally surely you're grown up enough to say "no additional children please" it's just a bit Blush for her. Obviously if it was an after thought to feed the additional kids then that's different and she did more than what was expected. On a side note, Who are these people that drop off extra kids anyway? We haven't seen that yet

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Andsoitisjust99 · 03/11/2019 14:11

This doesn’t really reflect well on any of the adults involved.

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WorraLiberty · 03/11/2019 14:14

I actually can't believe this many parents dump their kids and sneak out of the door without saying a word.

I think more often than not, the hosts just don't stand up to the parents when they ask if the siblings can stay.

Otherwise why wouldn't they ring the parents and tell them they've accidentally left their child behind?

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WorraLiberty · 03/11/2019 14:15

Of course it is vile and dehumanising to treat the uninvited kids like pigs, eating the unwanted leftovers (and probably passing a few viruses around in the process).

I'm pretty sure they didn't take a bite out of it first Grin

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Peggywoolley · 03/11/2019 14:17

I don’t understand the comments on thread.

The mum didn’t plan to have extra uninvited siblings. She did, however, plan a good and amusing way to avoid food waste. If the kids were anything like mine it was probably entire sandwiches and unopened packets of crisps not just bits of carrot. And little kids do say perfectly nice things are Yuck. It was avoiding food waste, in their language.

When the. presented with an extra handful of uninvited kids sitting down, she was kind enough to find something for them. It happened she had spares in the food saving bucket.

Mum is busy, environmentally aware and mid-hosting a party, not evilly planning ways to humiliate kids.

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Dilkhush · 03/11/2019 14:18

The host mother has done you all a huge favour. This is unlikely to happen again with this cohort of children.
Bloody cheek leaving younger siblings. I wouldn't even have done this to my closest friends without a) asking and b) staying to help.

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Puzzledandpissedoff · 03/11/2019 14:19

No-one I know would 'cause a scene' if I turned away a sibling. My god, do people really do this?!

Sadly yes, they do. The key point is that CFs don't expect to be thwarted in any way, so use the host's worry about "a scene" to make sure they get what they want. IME the children of such folk can often be the worst behaved at the party too, which perhaps isn't surprising when you consider the examples they're being set

FWIW I don't much admire what this host did either, but it's a fair bet that her particular CFs won't try the same stunt again

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MrBobLobLaw · 03/11/2019 14:22

I agree with @Peggywoolley!

I can only assume that it was a 'shit I have extra hungry kids, they'll have to choose from the unwanted food box rather than go hungry' rather than a calculated, vindictive way to punish the CFs kids.

Don't dump siblings at parties they're not invited to. End of.

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grisen · 03/11/2019 14:23

Do people really do this? As in leave uninvited siblings at parties? Never happened when I was a kid, never happened at my siblings parties or any party I've ever been to (as far as I know).

I'd have not allowed the extra kids to take part. But then I'm not always a nice person.

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MyNewBearTotoro · 03/11/2019 14:24

Depends how it was done. If the bin was passed around midway through eating for kids to put in nibbled crusts and cake with all the icing licked off then obviously it was inappropriate to then suggest anybody pick some food out of it

However if the ‘bin‘ was passed around before anybody started eating for children to put in wrapped items of food they weren’t going to eat then the Yuck Bin sounds like a good idea.

Did the party mum actually plan to make children eat from the ‘yuck in’ or did she just think it was a fun idea to reduce waste by making it easy for her to take all of the wrapped, uneaten food home?

Party mum May have just found that there were then unexpected extra children without boxes needing to be fed and felt that having them take wrapped, untouched food from the ‘bin’ seems better than making them go hungry. It wasn’t necessarilly premeditates. And was the sibling who reported back actually upset because they were humiliated or was it because they didn’t get a box containing cake and crisps but rather only had a choice of fruit and veg sticks? I’d say in that case it’s the fault of the parents who dropped extra siblings and ran rather than the party mum who made the best of a bad situation and at least made sure no kids went hungry.
.

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DarlingNikita · 03/11/2019 14:27

Why?

adults and children alike tend to use the word 'Yuck' for things they don't like.

I don't think adults do. Or not sensible adults anyway. I used to know a grown woman who would say yuck, make matching noises and pull faces if asked to pass a bowl of something she didn't like around the table. Childish and rude.

I think if you encourage children to behave like this you end up with adults like her.

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diddl · 03/11/2019 14:27

If she'd put a couple of empty plates/dishes out & said to put unwanted food on there before eating what was wanted no one would care at all.

I agree that the intention was probably to just avoid waste/mess.

Could even have been that one or more of the kids asked if they could have something.

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CravingCheese · 03/11/2019 14:28

This mother clearly wasn't trying to avoid a scene.
she simply found a way of battling it out on the children's backs... Instead of confronting the parents.

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dontalltalkatonce · 03/11/2019 14:28

It's nigh on impossible to tell a CF hellbent on heading to Costa unaccompanied that she can't leave her extra kids.

No, it really isn't, but it's what CFers count on.

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TildaKauskumholm · 03/11/2019 14:30

Host mum 1, CF mum 0. At least the dumped kids got to eat. Why should hosts have to assume uninvited siblings will turn up? If it couldn't be prevented at the door by speaking to the CF mums, I would say in this situation with food boxes that the invited child has to share with their uninvited siblings. Let the CF mums deal with the fallout of that, and they probably wouldn't try it again. Not fair but it's their mum's choice.

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hopelesschildren · 03/11/2019 14:32

I think the party mum had a brilliant idea. I always feel it is such a waste to make individual bags/boxes as I know lot of wrapped food will get chucked.

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diddl · 03/11/2019 14:33

" that the invited child has to share with their uninvited siblings. Let the CF mums deal with the fallout of that"

But the host mum would probably have been refereeing who would have what!

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Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 03/11/2019 14:34

Of course it is vile and dehumanising to treat the uninvited kids like pigs, eating the unwanted leftovers (and probably passing a few viruses around in the process).
But of course, that didn't happen, did it? Except in your fantasy, where presumably the kids also had to wear tabards with "uninvited" printed on them and sit in the corner facing the wall not taking part in any games

What actually happened is what @diddl has described, except the hapless host mum had decided to make a joke of what she called where the unwanted stuff was put.

Then whingey uninvited sibling said " Can we have MacDonalds, I only got a ham roll and no crisps" and CF mum compounded her cheekiness by kicking off.

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saraclara · 03/11/2019 14:37

What a terrible thing to do to a child, in order to spite the mother. The siblings did nothing wrong, yet they were humiliated by the party mother. It also seemed pre-planned, so if she genuinely didn't want gate crashers, she should have stood at the door and checked in the invited kids.

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