to think that while bringing uninvited children to a party is rude, this mother's response is HARDCORE
thedevilwithbarty · 03/11/2019 12:23
So there has been a bit of an issue lately at our local primary (the one my kids went to, they're teens now but it's a small community, so we still know a lot of people there) with people bringing additional kids (siblings) to parties and it's perceived as quite cheeky, especially when they're left and hosting parents expected to supervise and feed kids they didn't invite.
There was a whole-class party at a leisure centre last weekend at which the hosting mum had done little lunch boxes for each child with the usual - rolls, fairy cakes, fruit, veg sticks, crisps etc. There were unfortunately several uninvited siblings dumped by their parents at the start of the party.
If I were the hosting parent and I knew this wa likely to happen, I would have either put a note on the invitation that I was catering for the children individually, so please do NOT bring additional children, or brought a few extra boxes of food - I'd be pissed off at the cheekiness, but I wouldn't see a child go hungry.
This mum had brought a little bin with a sign on it saying "Yuck Bin" with a vomiting emoji which she passed around for all the children to put the items they didn't like from their food boxes. Then the uninvited siblings were allowed to take food from the Yuck Bin.
I wasn't there, obviously, but I have heard via friends that one of the mothers of the additional children flipped out at the end of the party when she was told by her child about how he was fed. There was a bit of a scene and the birthday child was upset. I can see her point tbh - she's a rude cow for dumping her children wholesale without asking first, but the hosting mum's way of dealing with it was horrible. AIBU to think that nobody has behaved very well here?
Am I being unreasonable?AIBU
You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.
Nerfballs · 07/11/2019 00:57
I also have absolutely no compunction calling social services for kids whose parents dump and run. Such behaviour is child endangerment and neglect and I will not enable it.
thedevilwithbarty · 07/11/2019 01:03
Do you really think Social Services are going to intervene because a parent has left an extra child with his/her invited sibling at a party? If CF parent didn't show up to collect at the end, they might be interested. It's disgusting, rude, antisocial behaviour, but it's not going to be of interest to Social Services. They're so strapped they barely bat an eyelid at neglect these days.
And yeah, I do think a parent who would leave a young kid standing at a loose end on the edges of a party without making some effort to include them is a bit crap. I wouldn't do it. I don't take my frustrations with adults out on kids. And if the unwanted food was all I had to offer, I would take it out of the bin before I offered it in front of all the other children. If you find that sanctimonious, I cant say I give a shit.
Nerfballs · 07/11/2019 01:10
Fair enough OP. I personally find the CF mum at fault, the host mum unwittingly made a poor choice, and you exceptionally rude for creating a click-bait thread with malicious heresay that is now splashed around the world.
And yes, in my country if I called the police to say there's an abandoned child they would locate the parents or come get them. They tend to take that pretty seriously.
thedevilwithbarty · 07/11/2019 01:19
I don't this thread is any more clickbaity than any other thread on MN, and I'm not responsibe for the gutter journalists who trawl for filler material rather than working for a living. There are no names or locations mentioned and "splashed around the world" is a tad hyperbolic for two articles which won't interest the majority of people.
I imagine if you called the police and said there was an abandoned child, they would indeed be interested. And then pretty pissed off when they arrived to discover it was in fact the sibling of a child invited to your party, whose parent had (perhaps wilfully) misunderstood the rules and droppped off both kids with every intention of returning two hours later to collect them.
Nerfballs · 07/11/2019 01:19
Heck I saw a domestic at the supermarket carpark one day with worrying undertones. I got the licence plate number, called the police to report the incident, they located the address and sent an officer to check all was ok within the hour and then called me back with an update. Pretty impressive.
thedevilwithbarty · 07/11/2019 01:20
Yes, I would have reported domestic violence as well. Completely irrelevant.
BellyButton85 · 07/11/2019 01:21
Why would the host not say when children are being dropped off that so and so's little sister isn't invited therefore not catered for as not on the invite.
I'd make it ABSOLUTELY clear that noone but the named child on the invitation is invited and any other children that appear will be asked to leave causing embarrassment to the CF parent.
If this host parent has had this happen to her one too many times she's probably had enough and making a point. I think this will he remembered for her future parties and won't have to happen again which I applaud her for actually. It might even set president to everyone
Nerfballs · 07/11/2019 01:28
No I suppose you're not 'responsible' for gutter journalists but they're your words they're quoting - which are heresay and slanted very clearly to what you think happened. Not what actually happened. You weren't a witness or involved at all. And you don't know the mum's intent. Happy to throw her to the wolves though, which does make me wonder about your motives.
You're right about police and a home party. A kid at the bowling alley/hot pools/cinema /theme park who is not my responsibility, not paid for and not allowed in? That's abandonment and dangerous as anything could happen to them.
Nerfballs · 07/11/2019 01:29
What is relevant is there was nothing more than words exchanged between two adults in a carpark and the police had resources to do a wellbeing check within the hour. So an abandoned child at a party centre? Yeah I'm thinking they'd respond.
BellyButton85 · 07/11/2019 01:30
This also reminds me why I don't want to be a weird village person
Nerfballs · 07/11/2019 01:39
Anyway regardless, you clearly have your mind made up. Hopefully host mum and birthday child are OK. I'm sure the atmosphere is pretty poisonous around both of them at the moment, not particularly deserved and certainly not the birthday child's fault either. Sounds like the town has played right into CF mum's drama queen entitlement - mountain made out of a molehill, check.
Summerlovin24 · 07/11/2019 01:47
I wouldn’t have dreamt of leaving an uninvited child at a party. It is rude and I would have been concerned about that child if it wasn’t their year group- would have felt left out
OneTwoThreeDoeRayMe · 07/11/2019 02:54
I couldn't treat ANY child like that
Oh you really are a piece of work, OP.
And now you've managed to get the story in the papers - love your faces.
Winesalot · 07/11/2019 06:59
Actually OP, it has started spreading around the world. At least some of the newer rewrites also make it very clear that this story has been relayed by someone who wasn’t there and heard it from friends . But they all pretty much start with the fact that it was ‘premeditated.’
I would like to ask you why you believe this to be true? Do you speak to the host mum regularly enough to know her very well and has she told you this yourself? You must have great confidence that this was intentional rather than a slip up.
phoenixrosehere · 07/11/2019 09:28
don't this thread is any more clickbaity than any other thread on MN, and I'm not responsibe for the gutter journalists who trawl for filler material rather than working for a living. There are no names or locations mentioned and "splashed around the world" is a tad hyperbolic for two articles which won't interest the majority of people.
Are you new here OP? Or new to technology?
It has happen countless times that threads on mumsnet end up in the news or on social media.
You are partly responsible whether you like to think so or not because you posted it looking to criticise. What’s even worse you weren’t even there so only know from a secondhand source yet have the gall to think you’re innocent in this. You already had your mind made up over something you heard and wasn’t even there for. Your own words in the OP already suggested you thought host mum did it intentionally saying in your village that there was parents who often did this at the beginning of your post. You rather believe she did this intentionally than that she did some quick thinking to provide food for uninvited guests. You said yourself you wouldn’t let children go hungry yet you keep acting as if the host mum did just that or didn’t do enough for them and it’s her fault for not providing more than she already had for children who weren’t invited in the first place.
Reading this thread has made me never want to have a class party ever. I’ll just let my sons invite a few of their mates and take them somewhere. The politics and the cheekiness of some parents is not worth it.
BloggersBlog · 07/11/2019 09:54
You say "everyone" is talking about it - what is the response to the fact it is in the paper now? CF must surely know and now seen this thread!
FrancisCrawford · 07/11/2019 18:19
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
magratvonlipwig · 07/11/2019 19:38
Disagree with those of you who feel inviting mum should have said no siblings. Why should she have to list whos not invited?.
Uninvited kids dumped at party of kids they arent friends with is just bloody rude and the other parents should be ashamed. They shouldnt expect to be fed either. Anything they got was a bonus. This may teach the cheeky scrounging parents a lesson
LoyaltyBonus · 07/11/2019 19:43
I've come to this late and haven't rtt but surely the "yuk box" was a light hearted way to collect in food children didn't want, avoiding mess and waste. Then when she realised she had unexpected children, that was all she had to offer them. She didn't create the yuk box especially to offer it to the gatecrashers
Winesalot · 07/11/2019 20:04
Loyalty. That has been proposed quite a few times. But the OP has stated that it was completely deliberate so she must have some other information that she is not sharing.
Although, obviously if the name of said bin has not been changed, the host mum will certainly know someone from the party has been talking and that she is now branded as an inhumane bully in multiple countries.
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 09/11/2019 14:08
Winesalot - I have checked back through the OP's posts and can't see anywhere that she states that the host mum deliberately did this to humiliate the kids. Creating the bin would of course have been deliberate, and probably with humorous intent; but I doubt very much that the host mum did it with the intention of humiliating uninvited siblings - she just had a collection of unwanted food to offer them, which she did.
Sure, she could have taken the label off but all the kids would have seen it by then. She could have taken the food out and put it on the plates, but probably they would all have seen that too. Waste of energy and time at a party with so many children (plus unwanted extras!) to deal with.
It's still a simple enough equation - if you want your children to be treated equally to invited guests, then don't dump them where they haven't been invited. CF mum should be grateful there was any food at all for her gatecrashing sprog - and s/he should have been grateful to get anything!
Winesalot · 09/11/2019 14:59
She has not said specifically that it was deliberate. However, the press have definitely picked up and run with the undertone of the OP posts and the implications coming from use of language such as being ‘made’ to eat out of the bin.
Plus, she has only ever had the story relayed via a reliable source. And now it has been published in at least three countries when I last looked a few days ago.
OP has also never allowed for the fact that this host mum simply made an error in judgement that myself, and others here, could have easily made by being fully occupied doing the things that you need to keep a party going.
Winesalot · 09/11/2019 15:03
In saying that @ThumbWitchesAbroad - I think we are both agreed that the host mum probably did not do it intentionally.
And that while I would be rolling my eyes at the yuck bin, it certainly was not aimed at parents as you and I have both said earlier in the thread I think.
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 09/11/2019 15:06
Yes, I agree with you that the undertone is coming from the OP's posts, which are definitely judgemental against the host mum.
FrancisCrawford · 09/11/2019 17:34
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
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