to think that while bringing uninvited children to a party is rude, this mother's response is HARDCORE
thedevilwithbarty · 03/11/2019 12:23
So there has been a bit of an issue lately at our local primary (the one my kids went to, they're teens now but it's a small community, so we still know a lot of people there) with people bringing additional kids (siblings) to parties and it's perceived as quite cheeky, especially when they're left and hosting parents expected to supervise and feed kids they didn't invite.
There was a whole-class party at a leisure centre last weekend at which the hosting mum had done little lunch boxes for each child with the usual - rolls, fairy cakes, fruit, veg sticks, crisps etc. There were unfortunately several uninvited siblings dumped by their parents at the start of the party.
If I were the hosting parent and I knew this wa likely to happen, I would have either put a note on the invitation that I was catering for the children individually, so please do NOT bring additional children, or brought a few extra boxes of food - I'd be pissed off at the cheekiness, but I wouldn't see a child go hungry.
This mum had brought a little bin with a sign on it saying "Yuck Bin" with a vomiting emoji which she passed around for all the children to put the items they didn't like from their food boxes. Then the uninvited siblings were allowed to take food from the Yuck Bin.
I wasn't there, obviously, but I have heard via friends that one of the mothers of the additional children flipped out at the end of the party when she was told by her child about how he was fed. There was a bit of a scene and the birthday child was upset. I can see her point tbh - she's a rude cow for dumping her children wholesale without asking first, but the hosting mum's way of dealing with it was horrible. AIBU to think that nobody has behaved very well here?
Am I being unreasonable?AIBU
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TSSDNCOP · 03/11/2019 12:53
Sylvanian in any other scenario I’d be the first in line to tell a CF to fuck right off.
My Achilles is my child’s birthday party. I’ve paid for 4 extra children to participate on the day rather than get into it at the start of a party.
I look back and can’t believe I did it. My friends and DH can’t believe I did it.
Amibeingnaive · 03/11/2019 12:55
I appreciate the siblings weren't invited but it is my view that if you allow them to stay at your party, you accept them as a guest and treat them as you would any other.
If finances/logistics don't allow, then you don't let them stay. It's not hard.
MidnightMystery · 03/11/2019 12:55
Both parents are acting like children.
LightDrizzle · 03/11/2019 12:55
The “Yuk Bin” was a jokey and rather creative way of avoiding the usual thing of finding discarded food scattered around the premises, it wasn’t planned as an insult to siblings she couldn’t know were coming. I’m sure partially eaten food was binned, -leftovers, rather than rejected items.
How old were the children? Most love that kind of thing at Primary.
I’d happily eat a mini baby bel or a Jacob’s Club from a “Yuk Bin”, but not a bin, bin obviously.
Sounds like she improvised when faced with letting them go without. Would that have been better than offering them a variety of food rejected by the guests from their selection? Just because it wasn’t plated or in a box she didn’t have?
Poor woman, sounds like there’s a witch-hunt now, which the pushy mums who dumped their kids on her will win because they are the kind of people who just push and push and don’t care about others. Presumably none of their children ate chocolate “eyeballs” or other scary sweets from a spooky bucket on Thursday either. They were sat at the table at home with a damask napkin on their laps.
TSSDNCOP · 03/11/2019 12:55
Worra honestly its not that easy to explain. If you met me, you’d think I wouldn’t lie down for it. But I have on several occasions. Baffles me even now.
Awwlookatmybabyspider · 03/11/2019 12:56
The mother lost her shit. She sounds like a CEF to me (Cheeky entitled fucker)
If she’d have kept her uninvited child with her instead of going home to sit on her arse or have a quick shag or whatever. She wouldn’t have had any cause to “lose her shit”, would she.
Frenchw1fe · 03/11/2019 12:57
If I had the cheek to dump an uninvited child at a party and they got fed from the 'yuk' bin I would be blaming myself.
However I suspect the hosting mum knew full well what she was doing and that it was passive aggressive on her part too.
She should have put the 'extra ' food on a table and allowed the children to help themselves.
But first and foremost the cf mother is to blame.
BarbarAnna · 03/11/2019 12:59
The overreaction on this thread is hilarious. Am sure all the kids took it as a joke. Makes sense to pass around something for this bits in a party lunchbox that people don’t like. Usually people wrap everything in those lunch boxes.
It can be hard to keep track of all the kids and turn people away when you are hosting a party. I don’t know all of my kids mates so wouldn’t know who was and wasn’t invited.
Lookingsparkly · 03/11/2019 13:00
People REALLY should not bring uninvited siblings!
MrsLinManuelMiranda · 03/11/2019 13:00
A mother was outraged because her child who gate crashed a party was only given food that others didn't want? I am sure the host did not actually bring a used bin, probably more like a clean receptacle, but I can't say for sure as I wasn't actually there- just like the OP.
zoflirter · 03/11/2019 13:00
YABU it was a good solution... she'd realised people would drop off extra kids and made provisions for them without waste.
Awwlookatmybabyspider · 03/11/2019 13:00
Not only is down right liberty taking. More importantly it’s a serious safe guarding issue. Supposing one of the extra Kids had got out, and The host had known nothing about it or Heaven forbid if there had been a fire. No one would have been looking for the them as no one would have known they were there.
Cohle · 03/11/2019 13:01
I think not catering for extra kids is fine, but encouraging them to eat from the bin crosses the line.
Wonkybanana · 03/11/2019 13:03
The problem with the idea of making extra food boxes because you know what will happen, or yes it's rude of the parents but we can't take it out on the children, is that there's never any consequence for the CFs so it's becoming more and more common.
The party mum may have reached the end of her tether, and it wasn't a good way to make her point, but more people have to have the guts to say no, the extras weren't invited and can't stay. Or even (harsh I know) stop inviting the kids whose parents are known to do this.
OtraCosaMariposa · 03/11/2019 13:03
I think that's awesome! Well done to the mum for coming up with a decent way of dealing with the cheeky fuckers. The mother of the uninvited children is just pissed off because she's been caught out in her cheeky fuckery.
Merryoldgoat · 03/11/2019 13:03
I also include siblings at things like soft play parties or home parties. I cater loads and expect extras but that’s how I was brought up - we had no concept of ‘not invited’ to something like a child’s birthday party.
However if I had a type of party which was not suitable for siblings I’d be perfectly able to say ‘sorry, I’m not able to keep Bobby for the party, we’ve got limited spaces and they’re only for [DS’s] friends - pick up is at 4pm so you’ve got some time to do something fun’
Elbowedout · 03/11/2019 13:04
Using the unwanted items to feed the extra kids is perfectly sensible. Calling it a yuk bin is unkind and childish. Expecting a party host to take care of uninvited children is spectacularly ill mannered.
You had it right first time OP - nobody covered themselves in glory in this incident. I wouldn't want to be friends with any of these people!
DBML · 03/11/2019 13:05
I would never dream of leaving siblings at a party my child was invited to. Who even does that? When I held a party for ds’s 5th birthday, parents brought siblings along and paid for them to play in the soft play area too. When my child’s party started, mums and dads allowed the siblings to either keep playing or brought them back to tables and got them chips. I brought extra party bags and cake for siblings anyway. Never can I imagine a parent sneaking off and leaving siblings as well! I mean, in that situation I think the CF parent is completely in the wrong.
ittooshallpass · 03/11/2019 13:06
I don’t think the mum who created the ‘yuk’ bin did anything wrong. In fact I think it’s a funny and creative way to stop wasting food.
CF mum can take a running jump. I was dropping my DD off at a party recently, which was an expensive cost per child activity, and witnessed a CF trying to push her two extra kids in. Party mum clocked what she was up to and very firmly said no. It’s a downright rude thing to do.
CF mums get what they deserve.
AwdBovril · 03/11/2019 13:07
The CF parents were BU, because CF.
The party host mum was BU, (although inventive - it could have been a joke that went wrong?)
The kids that got left are the ones that were made to feel bad. They didn't cause this.
So, I voted YANBU. No-one behaved very well here.
dontalltalkatonce · 03/11/2019 13:08
I'm so glad these days are behind me. Even if you put 'Sorry, no siblings' on the invitation, people still try to dump and run. I always acted as gatekeeper at the door and if they tried simply would not take them and after a couple of parties, the CFs didn't try it on. But personally, I don't blame the host for getting ragey.
Drum2018 · 03/11/2019 13:08
Host mother deserves a medal. It might just teach the CF parents a lesson about thinking they can dump their kids on someone else. Though why she didn't just contact the parents and tell them to come back and get their uninvited children is beyond me.
IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 03/11/2019 13:08
Rude but she’s likely fed up of others being rude and wanted to make a point.
It’s very rude to take along uninvited children, we switched to private parties to stop it happening as it’s unfair on the birthday child to have several gatecrashers. I wouldn’t have done the bin thing but would have told the parent the additional uninvited children couldn’t stay.
Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe · 03/11/2019 13:09
Well there is proving a point and proving a point! It all sounds unsavory to me! No one was covered in glory.A yuck bucket??? and Cheeky parents...You are spot on with your analysis of the situation OP.
MoltoAgitato · 03/11/2019 13:09
I dislike the “can’t expect children to be disadvantaged because of CF/crap adults” angle. Absolutely yes when talking about big issues - health, education- but there would be a damn sight fewer CFs if their kid missed out on a Club biscuit and was made to feel a bit crap IMO.
And the uninvited children didn’t lose out - they got a free party!
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