Men sat in women's changing rooms

[nycfrog]

AIBU to get annoyed with women who plop their (male) SOs on the stools/seating in changing rooms?

Yesterday I needed the store assistant to help me with the back of a dress - on the way out of the changing rooms I realised my bare back had basically been exposed to a random bloke sat at the entrance. I know the shop assistant probably could have been more discreet but aibu to think they could sit somewhere else?

Absolutely annoys the crap out of me too especially in the lingerie department.I need a lot of help when buying bras and hate the fact that nowadays there always seems to be some weirdo hanging around outside.And then there are the males who seem to dictate what their wives or girlfriends are allowed to wear.Dont understand it at all.

Chilli, I think what may happen is that seats inside changing rooms for female friends and relatives are being used by male friends and relatives and the fitting room assistant either doesn’t know they should or doesn’t feel confident enough to ask them to relocate outside.

My dh wouldn't dream of sitting down inside a female changing room, he wouldn't want to be accused of being a perv.

Instead of getting annoyed with the women who 'plop their husbands there', why don't you say something to the husbands? Ask them to leave, perhaps?

Why must you make it up to the woman involved? It's just the same as OW, they're responsible for all husbands' conduct, in every case.

Although, saying that, make eyes at said husband and watch him be ejected at warp speed by angry wife concerned for potential loss of husband...

@MrGsFancyNewVagina
Why do women ridicule other women? The same reasons men do. Misogyny, jealousy, self esteem issues, superiority complex etc. Conditioning basically.

Its all very simple really, no men INSIDE women's changing rooms, as it is a single sex space.

Men can sit outside if they wish, because some women like to have their husbands opinion on things, women can walk to the entrance to show said husband.

Lesbians have no need to be discussed seeing as they are women

It's utterly ghastly. Why the fuck do women insist on trailing miserable looking men round department stores, it's the eternal mystery of life. Ok they've every right to do it but I don't like passing the granite gauntlet as I head in and out of changing rooms.

My friends MIL is like this. She thinks marriage means doing everything together , even when it's inconvenient or less fun than doing it alone. Friend has explained to her that you can do things without your husband being there but MIL just looks bewildered by this concept and carries on.

People are odd.

Hearhoovesthinkzebras, thank you. I think most of the posters are talking about changing rooms etc, when referring to female areas in shops. Regarding areas where female under garments are sold, I think men shouldn’t be banned from those areas, but unfortunately you do run into the occasional creep there, but at least your not in a state of undress. Some posters are deliberately using the objections to confuse the situations by making sarcastic comments about keeping males out of female shops in order to detract from the original poster’s concerns.

This is the usual attacks we get when talking about females’ rights to privacy, dignity and feelings of safety. This goes back to the ‘they only want to pee and NAMALT’ that was used to implement unisex toilets, which led to unisex changing rooms, hospital bays, female gym/swim classes, etc. It all starts with an accusation that women are being ‘silly, hysterical, NAMALT’ and the female socialisation kicks in, women feel like they’re over reacting and the men march right over our boundaries and into our spaces.

@DragonontheWagon and you are a great example of someone who makes wrong assumptions. Just because YOU think my DH waiting outside a changing room is an erosion of women’s rights means that I am unaware of what is going on these days? And you even assume I’m selfish because I don’t exactly see WHY my DH is a treat for other women when he is waiting OUTSIDE a changing room. We all have different norms.

Your post shows you in a rather shortsighted and arrogant light.

Granite gauntlet

Lying, perhaps some women would expect/hope the shop assistant to do this and given Coco’s experience, above, I can see why it’s a confrontation many would prefer not to have to take on, especially if they are not fully dressed.

Is your DH hot honeybee ? (I’ll get my coat)

Beleive it or not, not every man is interested on perving on random women. Some men are literally just sitting and minding their own business, waiting for their partner.

If you are so against ayone seeing your back, why on earth didnt you just ask the assistant to come into the cubicle?

Sorry but this is such a non issue. Same as male/female toilets. I cant imagine men getting off on hearing women take a dump yet alot of women are up in arms about it. Its hysterical and unhealthy. Just get on with life. Theres so much more in the world to be stressed about.

Are we sure that we're all thinking of the same scenario? I ask because reading ChilliChutney's post makes me gasp whereas the changing rooms that I use tend to not have the sofa outside the curtains, there's a bit of a 'corridor'.

That said, the chairs are in a line just outside but where sitters could have full view of people coming out of their curtained cubicles. Those chairs could justifiably be moved right away so that dressers have the privacy they need.

Men do not need to be there and I agree with TSSCDNP on that. Men can 'plop themselves' off to a cafe somewhere nearby. If you really can't decide for yourself about a garment that you've chosen then avail yourself of the shop's bring-it-back-for-a-refund policy.

I've never taken my husband into a shop where I'm getting undressed or where other women are. He sits in a cafe and looks after the bags/kids whilst I try on in peace.

My last post was flippant, this one isn't. We need to safeguard our spaces, end of.

Reminds me of the threads about men staying overnight on maternity or other women's wards. So one woman decides it's OK for her to have HER partner there, for whatever reason, but sod all the other women, the majority, who are made uncomfortable by this. FFS, don't we have enough problems with erasure of women's space from men, without fellow women joining in? Get a grip and don't be a selfish twat!

MeridianB, I'm sure they would but, without leaving the cubicle, how would they attract the attention of one?

My last post explains my view better.

That said, I think that women really need to start standing their ground and not expect others to do their bidding for them. There are so many on MN who say they don't like confrontation. Well, who actually does like it?

My husband would never ever dream of entering a changing room for females. Even if I asked him. I know he's lovely and that he'd sit there looking at his feet but he has enough self awareness to understand he could make feel other women uncomfortable, he has the common sense to understand it's not about those women thinking he's a sex offender or a pervert.

If I want his opinion or advice on things from different angles I'll buy it and try it in at home. If his back is giving up and he needs a rest he will usually go to a cafe or go sit down in the make changing rooms or ask a sales assistant if a chair could be dragged out for him. If his back is that bad we usually cut the shopping trip short anyway to be honest

A pp has implied that not wanting to see men in a female changing room and risk him seeing her body means she needs counselling? 2019 and women are unreasonable for assuming only females would be in the female changing room.

I think most of the posters are talking about changing rooms etc, when referring to female areas in shops.

If you read the posts, the areas specifically mentioned were lingerie and make up departments. In response, a poster said men shouldn't be loitering around any female centric space - so no, it wasn't about changing rooms.

Why is there so much judgement here about couples that shop together? That is entirely up to the couple's concerned surely? So what if they want each others opinions, enjoy shopping as a leisure activity, like just wandering around window shopping? Honestly, it's the people who have a problem simply being in the same shop as a man who need to stay away. No, men shouldn't be in the changing room or toilet but in the same shop????

@TildaKauskumholm is that really the reason why partners cant stay on maternity wards? Thats disgraceful. Women should have every right to have their partner there to help if they need it.

Nobody's talking about 'same shop', Hearhooves, are they? Just not wanting men in a woman's space. Changing rooms do not make up the whole area of a department so why post like that?

Plenty of couples shop together and don't need it spelling out to them that women do not want men in their changing space. Not difficult to comprehend really... well, for those who have no other agenda.

Isn’t the whole point that women shouldn’t have to think about whether a man might be inside a female changing room? They just shouldn’t be anywhere inside there. Seats outside? Fine.

Personally, I wouldn’t hesitate to politely but firmly ask a man to leave if he’s inside, but many people don’t have that level of confidence or ability to confront a stranger and that’s something I totally understand. They shouldn’t have to be in that position though.

I wouldn't even clock a man talking animatedly to his partner, friend or the staff in a shop. He could be there buying for himself, his wife or an ill friend. What I'm talking about is the face of misery. The awkward stander. The wafter who has no idea why he's in a bra section but doesn't think to remove himself. The blocker. The obstructor. Not the active enjoyer.

Men do not need to be there and I agree with TSSCDNP on that. Men can 'plop themselves' off to a cafe somewhere nearby. If you really can't decide for yourself about a garment that you've chosen then avail yourself of the shop's bring-it-back-for-a-refund policy.

Sorry but you're being unreasonable. As long as the man remains outside the changing room area his wife can run in and out as much as she likes for his opinion. If you can't deal with a man being anywhere near the entrance to the changing rooms then it's you who needs to buy stuff and return it if needs be.

I've never taken my husband into a shop where I'm getting undressed or where other women are. He sits in a cafe and looks after the bags/kids whilst I try on in peace.

And good for you if that's what you want to do but no one else has to follow your batshit rules.