to remove DD from her martial arts class

[cheers4nothing]

gosh, this might sound so petty but I really don't know what do do so here it goes:

DD is 9. Very sporty and started martial arts classes some 3 years ago. Loved it and doing very well.

there is a girl in school who has also been a bit of a bully. Always trying to compete with DD, telling children (so DD says) that she is better in A/B/C than DD. Anyhow, I always told DD just to ignore and it worked ok.

One year after DD started MA, said girl joined too. DD said this girl keep telling her how rubbish her martial arts is and she also says it at school. As DD loves martial arts so much, but doesn't want to attend the class with this girl anymore, I move her to a different class (same club and instructor). All good. But 3 months later the other girl's mums starts bringing her DD to this class instead. bullying in school continues, so we change classes again (still same club - they have various classes throughout the week). Been going well for about 4 months

I bumped into the girls mother yesterday who told me she swapped her DD's class again too and her DD will go to the same class as my DD.

DD is besides herself and really doesn't want to go anymore now.

Should I insist she continues as she love MA so much for remove her as it clearly doesn't work for her with the other girl? I want her to become resilient but also enjoy her hobby.

I am thinking of finding a different club but what if the other girl rocks up there? And no, I have no idea why they seem to follow us around. May be totally innocent but it really ruined it for DD.

PS: I am not really sure what is going on in school. I asked about it at parents evening but teachers are unaware.

Ask school to keep an eye out, speak to martial arts instructors

You need to speak to the girl’s mother first, just to make her aware and give her chance to talk to her daughter. It may be something and nothing, or serious bullying. Either way it needs preventing from going further. If no joy with the mother, then the school and club. They both need to know there’s friction, even if there’s less in one of those establishments, than the other. Bullying needs dealing with. I remember my daughter being picked on at school, around the age of 11. When I approached her head of year, she cried. This was something she felt passionate about, as her own daughter had put up with being bullied for five years before saying anything 😟. Don’t let it go, it may be nothing at the moment, but could develop and last into adulthood.

YANBU and you've had some great responses.

Good luck.

@Bl3ss3dm0m

My best guess is that they are both on the Asperger's part of the Autistic spectrum

There is no "Asperger's part" of the autistic spectrum, there never has been. Asperger's is no longer diagnosed. The autistic spectrum is not linear. Here's an explanation of the spectrum theaspergian.com/2019/05/04/its-a-spectrum-doesnt-mean-what-you-think/

Autism cannot be diagnosed by anyone's 'best guess' from reading a few sentences about them online. Oddly enough, it takes usually a team of medical professionals to carry out several tests and observations in different situations before they diagnose autism.

It doesn't matter what the girl's motivation is. It doesn't matter whether she's NT or ND. What matters is the girl being stopped from continuing her bullying and harassment of the OP's DD both at school and at her MA lessons.

@cheers4nothing I hope you find a resolution soon and that your DD can carry on in her class of choice without the bullying girl in the same dojo.

Blank Times

As both my husband, and 2 more close relatives have been diagnosed with high functioning Aspergers, within the last 2 years, and therefore having done quite a lot of research on the subject, and having been a mental health nurse until I had to retire because of my own disabilities, I can only apologise if you do not like me using the terms I have used, and that have been used very recently to my relatives.
I had an awful time both at junior and secondary school being bullied, so I take the OP worries very seriously. However, she has had lots of advice, some of which was excellent, so I just wanted her to think about the very real possibility of there being another reason for the other child's and mother's behaviour, and suggested that she meet the other mother and child in s safe situation (not inviting her to her own home) to see if she thought that there could be any validation in my suggestion. Surely a friendly outcome between all concerned should at least be considered, there are 2 young children involved here.
Lastly, I said my best guess, precisely because of the reasons you stated. Without knowing the people involved, and without knowing if my possible reasoning of the situation could be correct, I can do nothing else than guess. My motivation at replying to the OP in the first place was to give another possibility to explore, so that no vulnerable children were judged and found guilty unnecessarily. I am sorry that this did not meet with your approval, no harm was meant, or should have been caused.

From the interactions between the 4 of you, you may garner some idea about why this behaviour is happening. My best guess is that they are both on the Asperger's part of the Autistic spectrum. Just a thought...

With all due respect, I do not think you understand what ASD is about. I am really puzzled how this thread came to this point.

My other child took years of assessments by specialised professionals to get an ASD dx and here I am posting about DD having an issue with another child at martial arts and both are promptly diagnosed. BTW, Asperger's is not diagnosed anymore. It now falls all under Autism. Maybe you should update your clinical knowledge a bit before you diagnose random internet strangers based on a bullying situation in a sports club.

Make the instructors listen to you OP, and make the school listen, this is awful. Good luck

I would go back to original class and explain about the bullying to the instructor. Perhaps he can tell the other mother that the class if full. I definitely think you should make the instructor aware tho; perhaps he can keep an eye on them in class and support your DD - dont let her give up her hobby tho. She will kick herself later on. Good luck x

This sounds really bad. Please talk to the club and the school. It must be awful to you daughter.

Hi, I am not sure why both you and Blank times are focussing solely on the part of my response that referred to the THOUGHT - certainly NOT a diagnoses, that the 'bullying' child and his mum MIGHT have real health problems, which could POSSIBLY be Autism (as my use of the word 'Aspergers' seems to really offend you both). It took them 60 odd years to diagnose both my husband and one of my other relations, so there is no way that I was attempting to make a diagnosis, it was a simple idea that I really now regret calling a GUESS, to point out one of the mental health illnesses that can, but not necessarily will, present like I suggested. By the way OP, at no time was I suggesting that your child has such a condition, your child sounds typically healthy and generally happy (but I suppose that I shouldn't guess that either from what little you have told us).
Did either of you give any thought at all about what the main part of my post was about, ie meeting with the mother and child in a friendly but also safe environment that you could essily leave if you still found them to both be bullying and nasty?
I wish now that I hadn't tried to give some hopefully helpful advice, which you did ask for. I sincerely hope that all the other posters have given you brilliant advice, that does not have an adverse effect on either 9 year old - although I am obviously not supposed to be concerned for the other young child's welfare. Don't worry, I won't reply again, however much you try to goad me. Lastly, good luck, I really hope that this gets sorted, and soon; there are some things, but not many, that are worse than bullying.