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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friends asked to rent to buy house!

177 replies

Greedypeopleithink · 03/11/2019 00:28

Okay so DH close friends occupy one of DH flats. We reside in the other. Flats are part of one building. DH asked if they wanted to buy both flats as we were looking to buy bigger house. They said no and DH did not put flats up for sale because friends wanted to remain in the flat.
Fast forward 18 months.
DH and i purchased broken down house. Under full renovation. Dh friends ask if they can now buy both flats, but they want to pay for the flats on a monthly basis!! So basically rent it for the next 20 years and the own it once they have paid the value of both flats off!! I am seething. DH said no. He is very close to the friend. More like family for him. N the flats were purchased by DH before marriage etc. I just think had they bought it before or not guilt tripped us into not selling to someone else, we ciuld have bought our dream home. Instead we are going through stress of renovation and in 10 years will aim to buy house we wanted all along. I am so angry. AIBU? After all DH bought the flats before marriage so can do what he wants really. Also cherry on the cake was DH friends son saying “when you move out, i can deliver my art classes from ur flat” and the boys father said “yh good idea”. Dh is a soft touch n will prob agree until he gets tenants in there. Wat pees me off is this entitled attitude. In the past i have mentioned my views to dh but he thinks i am greedy! We are mkn ends meet and his friend is very rich by comparison. On a locum doctor salary!!

OP posts:
user1473878824 · 03/11/2019 00:30

So your DH’s dad actually owns the flats? Could they have bought just one flat? Also you seem to have already bought the do-er upper so what’s the issue?

buckeejit · 03/11/2019 00:31

Just sell the flats to someone else

user1473878824 · 03/11/2019 00:33

Sorry have read back. A friend of your DH’s son has asked for something and it hasn’t happened but you’re annoyed because you think DH will say yes? These are two really different issues. But has DH said no to them buying the house by paying rent? Because if so what’s the problem? They’re being really cheeky asking but it still makes no difference as you’d be renting to them/someone else otherwise so they haven’t stopped you buying anywhere?

user1473878824 · 03/11/2019 00:35

Sorry gone back for a third time because to be honest I’m having to cherry pick bits that make sense. You wanted them to buy them now so you could buy a house you didn’t have to do up. But they said no. Okay, they’re still saying no though aren’t they? They’re CFrly asking to buy by paying “rent” and DP has said no. So either way you’re still in the same situation tbh.

Original poster
Greedypeopleithink · 03/11/2019 00:41

Hi sorry for confusing.

We wanted to sell. They didnt want to buy n we didnt sell to someone else because they wanted to continue renting. So we compromised with our house purchase choice.
Now they want to buy just by paying rent monthly until they have paid the value of both flats.
Why would we do that. They are taking advantage of dh soft nature.
Plus their son assumes he can use flat for classes rent free!
I am so livid.

OP posts:
user1473878824 · 03/11/2019 00:43

Okay so you can’t be that pissed off, you’re in the same position you were when they didn’t want to buy so you made the choice not to sell. Has the thing with Dh’s son’s friend actually happened? Because if not jus talk to DH and say you’d rather rent it out.

user1473878824 · 03/11/2019 00:44

I would like to say I do completely get why you’re frustrated. Have you actually spoken to your husband about the fact you’re annoyed you’re compromising on your home just so you don’t annoy his friends?

Original poster
Greedypeopleithink · 03/11/2019 00:45

My AIBU is because i dont know if i have a right to be livid. DH bought the flat himself prior to marriage so i guess its his choice. I just feel angry. We are making ends meet and under financial strain due to cost of renovation.

OP posts:
AnxietyDream · 03/11/2019 00:45

I don't see that the friends have done anything wrong here. They didn't want to buy when you first offered, and now suggested a plan you aren't interested in. Why seethe?

It seems you and DH aren't on the same page with what to do with his flats. Maybe talk to him rather than get wound up that you can't force his friends to buy flats if they don't want to....

katew355 · 03/11/2019 00:45

The way I'm reading it is that DH owns both flats and has done since the OP and he got married.
A while ago they wanted to sell to buy their dream home so offered the friend the chance to buy both flats but they said no. DH decided not to sell either otherwise friend would have to leave their flat if they sold to someone else.
Friend has now said they do want to buy the flats but not outright. They want to pay DH an amount each month until they have eventually paid off the amount.
OP doesn't like this plan and is annoyed because if they had bought the flats when they were offered a while ago, she and DH could have bought their dream house but instead had to settle with a doer-upper.
Is that right?

OP- basically they want you to provide them with a mortgage without them having to pay any interest. They've not done anything wrong by asking but you and your DH just need to politely decline. There could be a million reasons why they said no before but now want to buy to be honest, it sounds like they're not in a position to buy now which is why they've asked to do it this way. Just say no politely otherwise it could all get very messy (eg would they pay it off based on houses prices now or in 20yrs?). Stay well clear x

Singlenotsingle · 03/11/2019 00:46

That's rent-to-buy. Not really what you want because you'll never get the benefit. If they want it, they'll have to get a mortgage and buy like anyone else. They're CFs!

Beveren · 03/11/2019 00:47

Just tell them if they can afford rent to buy the house they can afford to get a mortgage.

Original poster
Greedypeopleithink · 03/11/2019 00:48

Yes we had many heated discussions when dh friend went without paying rent for a while. Its now become a sour subject so i dont get involved. DH only told me in passing about their offer to rent n buy. N his friends son will prob deliver classes n il be the last to know!!

OP posts:
Purpleneonpinkunicorns · 03/11/2019 00:48

I think there taking the piss...if there landlord who wasn't there friend wanted to sell the flat/s they would of given the cheeky fuckers a notice period and sold it on..theyve had an extra 18months and have only now just said they want to buy and with there own conditions,

Put the house on the market and sell the normal way ...if they want it so muh they can pay like a normal person would.

user1473878824 · 03/11/2019 00:50

OP of course you have a right to be livid - but only if you speak to him first! This impacts on the two of you as a couple. So very calmly speak to him about it. He might be livid to? But it sounds like you haven’t brought any of this up with him because they’re “his” flats - which I get but you should be able to discuss this stuff and if DO was in the same position I can’t imagine him not including me in the ins and outs.

Original poster
Greedypeopleithink · 03/11/2019 00:50

Katew355- you have grasped it perfectly!

OP posts:
AnxietyDream · 03/11/2019 00:52

They didnt want to buy n we didnt sell to someone else because they wanted to continue renting.

But you could still sell with them as sitting tenants, so it's not really the fact that they want to keep renting it that is the issue. The issue is that your DH doesn't want to sell his flats.

katew355 · 03/11/2019 00:52

Thank you- very impressed with myself since I've had a few glasses of wine!

Original poster
Greedypeopleithink · 03/11/2019 00:53

user1473878824- tried this method before. Resulted in major fall outs. I vowed to never get deeply involved. I now just listen. I want to burst and tell him they are greedy! They have multiple properties with mortgages. High salary over 100k a year. Just not cash rich.

OP posts:
Original poster
Greedypeopleithink · 03/11/2019 00:54

AnxietyDream - he wanted to sell. They didnt want difficult landlord n things got awkward. Dh backed off.

OP posts:
AnxietyDream · 03/11/2019 00:56

*They've not done anything wrong by asking but you and your DH just need to politely decline."

The DH has already declined. It's in the OP.

BillHadersNewWife · 03/11/2019 00:57

we didnt sell to someone else because they wanted to continue renting. So we compromised with our house purchase choice.

Well that's just ridiculous. You let them stay "because they wanted to" and changed your entire plan to suit someone else?? That's frankly WEIRD and doormatish.

Italiangreyhound · 03/11/2019 00:58

I think your husband was wrong to mix business and friendship. He should made his decision 18 months ago and said that they either buy one or both flats and if one you sell to someone else, and if neither r you sell both.

But he did not, and now you are stuck with a fixer upper instead of your dream house. I do understand you being cross with the friends but your dh is the one who made that decision.

i know marriages can break up over this kind of things and living in a fixer-upper is not nice. I think you could just talk to your dh and suggest you now sell the two flats to someone who can afford to buy them in the normal way. Then lough the money into your fixer upper or even sell it on and buy what you want.

But do not under any circumstances arrange some weird pay as you go plan with these people, it will be a complete disaster and will tie you into their lives in a very unhealthy and damaging way, IMHO.

If your dh will not listen to reason, get him to get legal advice.

Hope your dh can work something out that works for you both and doesn't prioritize friends over you.

Italiangreyhound · 03/11/2019 01:00

plough the money....

dontalltalkatonce · 03/11/2019 01:01

Jesus wept! FFS. He needs to sell the flats. These friends are pisstaking twats.