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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friends asked to rent to buy house!

177 replies

Greedypeopleithink · 03/11/2019 00:28

Okay so DH close friends occupy one of DH flats. We reside in the other. Flats are part of one building. DH asked if they wanted to buy both flats as we were looking to buy bigger house. They said no and DH did not put flats up for sale because friends wanted to remain in the flat.
Fast forward 18 months.
DH and i purchased broken down house. Under full renovation. Dh friends ask if they can now buy both flats, but they want to pay for the flats on a monthly basis!! So basically rent it for the next 20 years and the own it once they have paid the value of both flats off!! I am seething. DH said no. He is very close to the friend. More like family for him. N the flats were purchased by DH before marriage etc. I just think had they bought it before or not guilt tripped us into not selling to someone else, we ciuld have bought our dream home. Instead we are going through stress of renovation and in 10 years will aim to buy house we wanted all along. I am so angry. AIBU? After all DH bought the flats before marriage so can do what he wants really. Also cherry on the cake was DH friends son saying “when you move out, i can deliver my art classes from ur flat” and the boys father said “yh good idea”. Dh is a soft touch n will prob agree until he gets tenants in there. Wat pees me off is this entitled attitude. In the past i have mentioned my views to dh but he thinks i am greedy! We are mkn ends meet and his friend is very rich by comparison. On a locum doctor salary!!

OP posts:
MyChickensAreIdiots · 03/11/2019 04:06

Sorry - disregard. I misunderstood.

Mummyoflittledragon · 03/11/2019 04:12

MyChickens
No you haven’t. If the friend wants to rent to buy, he needs to buy w property through a government scheme.

Jokie · 03/11/2019 04:40

The next time that your DH calls you greedy, I'd say: when I have to dress our child in hand me downs and scrimp to make meals when it is not entirely necessary: it comes my business and I get a say. It may be his flats but that fact is impacting your life choice now.

I'd definitely not be letting the son in the flat.

MaybeitsMaybelline · 03/11/2019 05:05

So they want to continue renting, gain the benefit of having a landlord and maintenance done but own the property at the end of the term on one flat? On the other flat they want to turn it into a rent free art studio and run a business from it?

Meanwhile you live in a do-er up that you can’t afford to renovates?

🤔

Perhaps put it like that to DH.

Mummyoflittledragon · 03/11/2019 05:08

I’m still raging on your behalf. Have to comment again. The son wants to hold classes in your flat. Ie run a business and profit out of a rent free property. And not just any old business, one, which will undoubtedly create damage. A whole bunch of budding artists regularly traipsing through your flat. And art ffs, that typically mess free hobby 🙄. No, just NO! Most tenancy agreements strictly prohibit tenants from running a business for starters due to insurance reasons.

These people are going to be his ruin. You definitely need to get legal advice and ask a lot of questions about how this would hypothetically work.

Kittenance · 03/11/2019 05:15

"Rent to buy" does not mean just paying rent for enough years that you get a gift of a house at the end of it.

If starting with 0% capital, the rent-to-buyer needs to pay a fair chunk over and above market rent for years just to have bought a 10% slice of a property. The maths is complex but it is rarely a good deal for either party as a private arrangement between individuals.

DH should sell the flats with a sitting tenant to a professional landlord company.

Beautiful3 · 03/11/2019 06:34

Dont be annoyed, just sell the flats. Problem solved.

user1480880826 · 03/11/2019 06:37

You didn’t want to sell the flats because they wanted to carry on renting?! That’s madness. So you had to buy a cheaper house for yourselves because their needs came first?

They could have easily found another place to rent. I honestly can’t believe the stupidity of this.

Fatshedra · 03/11/2019 06:51

It sounds like you don't have a shared bank account as he is doing stuff you don't know about.
Also why scrimp and save - stop doing it as that means there is no fall out by not actually renting both flats. Book a nice holiday next year for example and look at buying a new car. See how generous DH is about htat.

Lilyflower1 · 03/11/2019 06:52

The DH owes his DW and family more than he owes his friends and this arrangement would gift his friend the price of the house in unpaid interest and ensure his own family lives in refurbishment misery for ages.

There are misogynistic cultures where male friends and ‘ honour’ matter much more than female relatives. Is this such a case?

I would offer the following advice to the OP. Either demand the DH does not accede to the exploitative no-interest rent to buy arrangement or run. Run in any case if he says no. This man is not treating his nearest and dearest as they should be treated.

Blindandfrozen · 03/11/2019 06:53

Can’t understand why you didn’t sell the flat they don’t live in anyway....

NumberblockNo1 · 03/11/2019 06:54

It seems mad you own 2 flats AND a house, so far far more than anyone I know and yet feel poor. Something is very wrong.

Is it that DH doesnt want to sell his assrta for a joint one?

AJPTaylor · 03/11/2019 06:58

Well you can one flat for a start! Why not do that? Move into the house and sell the other one from a distance.
You have a dh issue, not a c.f. issue.

SchadenfiendeUnmortified · 03/11/2019 07:13

Are you renting t them under the market rate?

Otherwise, in most cases, a mortgage is much cheaper - it's getting the deposit together that holds up a lot of first-time buyers.

Also - if son runs art classes from the other flat - sone should pay rent on the other flat!

GeneHuntLover · 03/11/2019 07:13

Not being pedantic but using n/N makes your posts harder to read, can you not just use and, it's only 2 more letters

namechange122222 · 03/11/2019 07:26

You are married so all assets are joint. It feels very off to me to be married and talking about the flats as "his". No. If you divorced they would be assets to be shared between you.

^ this

I am divorced from someone who also considered everything to be his. When the divorce process started he could not believe that I would get (give or take) 50% of the assets. The divorce was horrible, but a year and a half later my new autonomy still delights me. I have control that I never had before.

There were lots of reasons for the divorce, but his attitude regarding the assets was one of them.

jelly79 · 03/11/2019 07:26

I can't understand why you would choose not to sell 'restricting yourself house choices' to make it easier on someone else... that's what you should be annoyed with.
They are CF's asking to rent but own (hahah) but really you are in no worse position.
Let the son use the other flat for a rent cost...

They think your DH is a soft touch which it sounds like he is. I think this is what's annoying you. You feel taken advantage of

Irisloulou · 03/11/2019 07:35

Your husband is the problem.
No sorry, we need to free up the cash for our home. We are putting them on the market.

Or rent them for a fair price and you reap the rewards in twenty years. Allowing him to rent then giving him the flats is plain stupid.

Namechangeoflife · 03/11/2019 07:35

YABVU to change your life plan and buy a fixer upper house rather than sell the flats and buy something decent. YABU to blame the tenants. They are not the problem here, your spineless DH is.
Totally this

sweetiepy · 03/11/2019 07:45

Am I reading this correctly? “They have multiple properties with mortgages.” Am I correct in assuming they rent these properties out? If they own other properties why the hell don’t they move into one of them?

This makes no sense! They have built up a property portfolio? He is earning over 100k a year? Yet, despite all this, they didn’t pay rent for a full year? Your dh thought you were being greedy, because you wanted them to pay rent as you are struggling financially?

You say you are “dressing my LO in family hand me downs because we are cash strapped. I shop cheaply, cook with reduced items etc and cut corners all because dh put his friends needs first. After all that, they came back asking for more. And now their son wants the flat rent free!”
If any of this is correct they are not friends, they are complete parasites! How can your husband possibly not see that he is being taken for a fool? He is putting his ‘d’friend above his family!!

💐 for you. You deserve them married to this idiot! Just don’t know how you can get him to put his family, where it should be in the pecking order, which is first!!

Tooner · 03/11/2019 07:47

Your husband is not financially savvy and the friend is no friend at all but someone who sees a soft touch and uses that to his advantage.

If he had bought the flats 18 months ago you would have had the cash to buy the house you really wanted. Now he is just wanting to rent then have a free flat handed to him on a plate in so many years time.

Does your husband not understand that if people rent your property that you own then after whatever length of time you still own that property and have had the benefit of having the rent every month.

I wouldn't be able to get over this situation. Your husband is putting his friend before his wife and child. Despicable behaviour!

BlueJava · 03/11/2019 07:51

Hasn't this stemmed from the fact that DH has treated them as friends rather than as tenants? It was up to him to decide whether he wanted to sell or rent, if you're running a business you don't ask someone if they want to continue renting or not - you do what makes business sense for you and is within the terms of the contract.

stucknoue · 03/11/2019 07:54

Why not sell one flat now and rent the other for now, telling them you will be putting it on the market in a years time, as they are friends say that if they want to buy it you will knock 5% off the asking price if it's a private sale (no estate agent).

OoohRhubarbLetsGo · 03/11/2019 07:55

As others have pointed out, the major problem here is that your husband values the comfort of his friend more than he values the wellbeing of his wife and son.

The flats are a marital asset- however , your husband clearly doesn’t view them as such.

Can you and your husband have a conversation with a financial adviser? You could speak to the IFA first, to explain the situation. If you intend to buy a bigger house in the future you might need to do some financial planning now.

summersherewishiwasnt · 03/11/2019 07:58

It is your business, marriage is it only about romance.