Friends asked to rent to buy house!

[Greedypeopleithink]

Okay so DH close friends occupy one of DH flats. We reside in the other. Flats are part of one building. DH asked if they wanted to buy both flats as we were looking to buy bigger house. They said no and DH did not put flats up for sale because friends wanted to remain in the flat.
Fast forward 18 months.
DH and i purchased broken down house. Under full renovation. Dh friends ask if they can now buy both flats, but they want to pay for the flats on a monthly basis!! So basically rent it for the next 20 years and the own it once they have paid the value of both flats off!! I am seething. DH said no. He is very close to the friend. More like family for him. N the flats were purchased by DH before marriage etc. I just think had they bought it before or not guilt tripped us into not selling to someone else, we ciuld have bought our dream home. Instead we are going through stress of renovation and in 10 years will aim to buy house we wanted all along. I am so angry. AIBU? After all DH bought the flats before marriage so can do what he wants really. Also cherry on the cake was DH friends son saying “when you move out, i can deliver my art classes from ur flat” and the boys father said “yh good idea”. Dh is a soft touch n will prob agree until he gets tenants in there. Wat pees me off is this entitled attitude. In the past i have mentioned my views to dh but he thinks i am greedy! We are mkn ends meet and his friend is very rich by comparison. On a locum doctor salary!!

@Greedypeopleithink I totally agree with you and think that they are taking the piss royally. Your DH sounds like a lovely friend but even if he wanted to do this how could it possibly work. Every month they would own a little bit more of the property but what would happen if they lost jobs, died or just decided not to pay anymore. The flat would have shared ownership and you would have completely lost control of it. Friends are friends but things involving money especially large sums, and property, should be kept on a legal business basis. Twenty years is a long time and literally anything could happen.

Your dh is utterly bonkers. Yadnbu.
But if he won't even discuss it with you it's not a very happy marriage is it? Definately not an equal partnership.
Without knowing the full ins and outs of how your relationship works it's difficult to advise.
Your dh definitely needs financial intervention and possibly work on his self esteem and therapy. Whether he is willing or two discuss is another matter.

I think you and your DH were unreasonable putti go his friends feelings before your own by not putting the flats up for sale. I could understand it if there were other issues such as they wouldn’t be able to afford elsewhere but that isn’t the case.
But no you’re not being unreasonable here either.

Maybe if you can't speak about this with your husband - then you could try writing a letter.

Explain how your tenants seem to think they can take over your flat rent free, but you are having to shop 2nd hand for clothes for your LO and you are stressed about money issues and the renovation. Ask him who is really more important to him his wife and child or this friend? And make it clear you do not think he is being fair to you.
Ideally I'd sell both flats and invest elsewhere if necessary, and get out of the situation of a tenant being a "friend".

Not being pedantic but using n/N makes your posts harder to read, can you not just use and, it's only 2 more letters

I was only skim reading and thought N was the son of the neighbours

I don't understand why you couldn't sell one of the flats either

Is there someone who is impartial who both you and DH could discuss it with together? Might help the facts convince him of the renters bad behaviour. Also pointing out would he put up with this nonsense if it wasn't someone he's pals with?!

Sounds like selling them with a sitting tenant is the best plan (not sure why tenants would find this an issue unless they plan on not paying in future or are already not paying / on reduced rent without your knowledge...) , but convincing DH sounds like an uphill struggle. He's got his priorities wrong worrying about upsetting them when they clearly aren't concerned with upsetting him, limiting your housing choices or causing discord in your marriage.

YABU to be angry with the friend, it's "D"H you should be angry with.
He is a fool and a pushover, he is letting his wife and child go without in order to let his friend take the absolute piss. Rent free for a year?! What a joke.

My DH would never be so foolish but if he was I would give him an ultimatum, either we make joint financial decisions (sensible ones!) or we get a divorce.

I'm usually on the side of seeing things from both peoples POV.

But in this case I'd be giving 'D'H an ultimatum.

Either he puts you and LO first and uses any financial income to make both your lives easier or he can live in the other flat whilst you and LO live in the house.

After all. No point wasting the flats as you have them now

I'm so shocked and honestly yanbu at anyone.

Rent for 20 years then they get a free property? Tell your duh (dumb husband) that he can still get rent for 20 years then get cash for it! The other flat? Well if not selling, can be a gift to your son in how many years time? In 20 years who knows what the current state will be like and I'm sure it would be amazing for your son to have a rent free property.

So your duh is saying he would rather give flats away and one to his friends son? Rather than his own family. This is a joke.

Everyone is right, if you divorce him you get the properties anyway and believe me that puts you in a far better position than this marriage seems to be!

Don't sacrifice your happiness (and your sons) for some parasites and your husband the enabler

they want to use you as their mortgage brokers without any deposit or having to go through mortgage or any of the stress youve had to? I think its pretty cheeky yeah. I bet theyd still see you as landlords if something went wrong

What actual sane person changes their entire life plan and buys a house they don’t actually want instead of their dream house, just because their friend doesn’t want to move or rent from someone else?

This is complete stupid OP. I actually don’t believe it.

If you really wanted to sell you could have served notice and done it but you chose not to. They are being a bit cheeky asking re rent to buy and you should quite clearly say no as that won’t be financially favourable. Basically you’ve been mixing friends and commercial transactions and by the sounds of it, your DH has put their needs above yours.

Do you have a formal tenancy agreement? Could you sell the flat with sitting tenants and the other while empty. Chances are the friendship will not survive this.

They were very cheeky to ask to own the property at the end of 20 years, basically asking you to be their mortgage provider, I don’t know a single person who would think that was reasonable.

Why didn’t your DH consider selling the flat with tenants in situ? I can see the rationale behind keeping the flats because the rental income will be useful in future and you could still afford a house with the capital from them but you need to speak to your DH honestly and frankly about his piss taking friends, you and your child need to come first in his priorities.

*without

Has your husband definitely said no to this idea? He needs to absolutely say no!!!

And you immediately start looking for new tenants for your flat now so there’s no gap for son to run art classes.

The rent/buy deal is absolutely bonkers and will go disastrously wrong. If he’s really pushing it then ensure he gets property specialist legal advice & draws up proper contracts.

I’d definitely be pushing to sell both flats and have your DH’s friend as a sitting tenant. I expect the friend doesn’t want a new landlord so that he can have 12 month rent free breaks and not pay market value. I expect your DH let’s him get away with all sorts.

Could you not just sell your flat? It’ll be a bit complicated as you’d have to split the freehold between the two flats. or DH could keep the freehold to both flats and the tenants have a 99 year lease. Again you’d need proper advice. At least it’s release some equity for your new house etc.

They are the greedy ones. They are building their financial empire at the expense of your family.

Your DH= MUG.

he should see this thread.

Agree marriage is not just about romance you DO have a say.

Not tenants have a 99 year lease but the new owners of your flat.
The same could work for the friend. He buy his flat (not both) as a leasehold.
I think they have to be leasehold due to communal areas & joint maintenance etc but I haven’t really a clue.

Yabu
You should have just given notice, sold the flats and bought the house you wanted. You can’t complain about something you could have controlled.

To be honest, I can’t imagine how you get to the idea to compromise in such level just to keep a tenant. So all your family has to put with a stressful renovation (and some very likely eroding of your relationship through it) to ensure they were nice and comfy in an asset that should be used for your own family?

Beggars belief really!

I genuinely don't understand why you are livid. If your husband had agreed to such a bad deal, sure. But he didn't. So, there's no problem.

Also, you have no idea what the friends financial situation is. Maybe there's a reason they can't get a mortgage which is why they didn't take up the original suggestion of buying, and then came up with the rent-to-buy plan when it became clear that your husband wasn't in a hurry to sell any more.

But 15% have voted iabu. So perhaps dh has a point.

On that basis, many more people seem to think you have a point. I personally think it is strange that the friends didn’t sell one of their BTL properties if they were having such financial problems that they could not pay rent for a year. Or indeed, if they are so rich, find a property for their son to use for his art classes.

As they have already had one period of not paying rent, what is the risk of it happening again if you agree to rent to buy? They would need to find twice as much rent money in those circumstances too. I think that would be an awful arrangement. Who would pay for repairs, especially something major, like a new roof? Ironically, if your husband did agree to this arrangement, that might be the only way your husband might change his view of his friends. Not that I would want that to happen because of the huge financial and emotional cost to you both but it is strange he seems to see himself as his friends’ benefactor when they don’t seem to need one.

It sounds like perhaps your DH is not happy with the situation but because of the long friendship is perhaps deflecting it onto you because he feels like he can't with his friend? (ie in calling you greedy etc)

You are not greedy in the slightest, you want the best for your family as you should. If the friend was 'family' he should understand that and not want to have his friend put in a worse situation because of his doing. From what you've said though (friend being cunning) it sounds almost very one sided.

Friend has already shown who he is by not paying for a few months. Whilst mates rates rent might not be such a big issue (it is - but going from your DH's impression) mortgage wise it most definitely is. He's already shown that he doesn't value the relationship and thinks he can get away with not paying... what about a few months down the line when he thinks 'i just won't pay this month/i'll only half pay' etc? Or he stops paying all together?

It's a huge mess and needs a clean break IMO. Of course it's down to your DH but it's only going to get messier and harm the friendship whichever way it goes - be it stay or sell. Personally - for my family - I'd want to sell it and get it over and done with. The 'favour' of rent to buy on a private level just isn't fair or right. You need income for your house and DH's friend cannot be relied upon to give it.

You have bills coming in, food and family commitments that need to be honoured. Your DH should put that above friends or perhaps he might find himself in real schtuck when there's no money to pay the mortgage/bills because friend just doesn't feel like paying. (Or if you get fed up of being put second to a CF and leave with your child)

Why didn’t you sell when you wanted to in the first place.

You gave them first dibs on the place. Which was a nice of you

When they refused then it was up to your dh to put his family first and sell both flats.

Why own a flat to let out if you don’t get any benefit from it.

You are not running a charity and I doubt that dh’s friends will end up on the streets.

Sometimes if you act like a doormat then when people wipe their feet on you, you shouldn’t be surprised

i just feel like i am dressing my LO in family hand me downs because we are cash strapped. I shop cheaply, cook with reduced items etc and cut corners all because dh put his friends needs first.

This is what you should be livid at, not his friends. Your DH, as you say, puts his friends’ needs first, ahead of your and your DC’s needs. THAT is shocking behaviour.

Yes, the fact that they’re entitled CFs who apparently don’t even appreciate what he does for them, and who are classic “take a mile” types, doesn’t help - but the real problem is your DH. He’s the one who has the power in this situation and he’s the one you should be livid at.

You're married so all assets are joint assets, whether he owned them pre-marriage or not. You’re supposed to be a team, a partnership - and you both have a child to think of - but you didn’t have equal input into this decision, from the sounds of it, and your (as a family) needs didn’t come first.

Interesting that you think that a minority of posters disagreeing with you means your DH has a point. Doesn’t the significant majority of posters agreeing with you make you think you have a much better point? Do you tend to doubt your own opinions generally?

Anyway, at least he said no to the outrageous rent to buy scheme. Could be worse!