Friends asked to rent to buy house!

[Greedypeopleithink]

Okay so DH close friends occupy one of DH flats. We reside in the other. Flats are part of one building. DH asked if they wanted to buy both flats as we were looking to buy bigger house. They said no and DH did not put flats up for sale because friends wanted to remain in the flat.
Fast forward 18 months.
DH and i purchased broken down house. Under full renovation. Dh friends ask if they can now buy both flats, but they want to pay for the flats on a monthly basis!! So basically rent it for the next 20 years and the own it once they have paid the value of both flats off!! I am seething. DH said no. He is very close to the friend. More like family for him. N the flats were purchased by DH before marriage etc. I just think had they bought it before or not guilt tripped us into not selling to someone else, we ciuld have bought our dream home. Instead we are going through stress of renovation and in 10 years will aim to buy house we wanted all along. I am so angry. AIBU? After all DH bought the flats before marriage so can do what he wants really. Also cherry on the cake was DH friends son saying “when you move out, i can deliver my art classes from ur flat” and the boys father said “yh good idea”. Dh is a soft touch n will prob agree until he gets tenants in there. Wat pees me off is this entitled attitude. In the past i have mentioned my views to dh but he thinks i am greedy! We are mkn ends meet and his friend is very rich by comparison. On a locum doctor salary!!

"Dh backed off." Does your dh defer to this friend? Does he feel he needs to keep in his good books for some reason. I think your dh needs some assertiveness here. He has prioritized his friend over his family.

Seems like they are definitely taking advantage of the situation, needs to be laid out properly, either they stay on renting and you get another tenant in the other side (if you decide not to sell right now) or they buy you out.. (one or both) properly with a mortgage like the rest of us, or you put on the market and they have to move out or hope that the new owners will keep them on as tenants.

If they try and emotionally blackmail you into anything else that kind of gives you the answer how it needs to be dealt with.

DH is fast aslp snoring away. I know i am ranting but i just feel like i am dressing my LO in family hand me downs because we are cash strapped. I shop cheaply, cook with reduced items etc and cut corners all because dh put his friends needs first. After all that, they came back asking for more. And now their son wants the flat rent free until we get tenants in. I am so sick of it but i feel i cant say anything because of historic fights. But these decisions impact me and lo financially. N DH says i am greedy and what would we do if he didnt have the flats etc.

“ tried this method before. Resulted in major fall outs.” I hate to do the Mumsnet cliche but don’t have a tenant problem, you have an DH problem. Why is he putting them over you?

Your DH is being taking for a mug. That is most definitely your business. If he can be easily swayed into making daft financial decisions then you've got big problems coming up in future.

If he could buy two flats himself then it would suggest he isn't financially incontinent. So why is he making odd decisions now? Do you know why?

And OP, we cross posted and my DH problem still stands.

What a PITA CF friend he is to your DH. Wants an interest free mortgage on a property to pay it off at today's value. The friend is taking the piss, and your DH is not making you and your life together a priority.

This is not a sick or disabled family member in need of his assistance, it is a CF friend perfectly capable of sorting out their own home. If they really want to stay there, then the compromise is to sell the place with them as sitting tenants. It will affect the value, but at least the deal will be done and you will be better placed to pay for help getting your doer upper done.

Why is the friend's quality of life more important than yours/your husband's? I'd be asking DH to seriously reconsider his priorities. There's nothing greedy or selfish about that.

You should have sold the flats, not kept the friend happy. It's your DH that is the problem here.

He has known his friend for the past 30 years! Childhood buddies more like brothers. Dh doesnt have siblings and nor does his friend so dh feels obliged i think. But his friend is cunning. Dh is savvy financially. Both flats are freehold etc. But dh just sees the good in people. Yes i have dh problem. WheN i challenged him he said “what would you do if we didnt have flats, we are lucky we have them. What does it matter if we dont get full rent”. I think he is bonkers.

We no longer need to sell. In next 3 months we will be in the new house. Will make better sense to keep the flats now and sell when we want to buy dream home in a few years. I just cannot get over their offer to buy that way. N dh casual attitude to it. Plus i have to pretend its nothing or dh wont tell me anything about his friends son taking the flat until we get tenants!! I wish dh didnt tell me as its disrupted my peace. N tomorrow i have to smile and pretend all is fine with dh, his friend n his friends wife!!

Greedypeopleithink perhaps you could ask what his friend would do if your husband didn't have the flats? Presumably he would have to rent or buy like the rest of us.

When I married my dh I had pretty much nothing. A few hundred in the bank if that. He had a house. He has never made me feel that our home (not the one we originally lived in) is anything other than our shared home.

Your dh is being unkind to you and your family because of some sort of loyalty to a person who does not need your charity.

Is he afraid if he doesn't allow his friend to live in his flat the friendship will suffer? If so, it is not a genuine friendship, just someone he has known a long time - IMHO.

He is unkind as he says i am greedy for wanting more 😳. When his friend didnt pay rent for 12 months, i tried explaining that his friends finance issues are not his problem etc. Anyway after months of arguing he told his friend he needed rent! He genuinely believes he is doing a good deed and that i am just greedy! I am so fed up. But bottom line is its his flats.

Its such a pathetic situation. Yes his friendship will suffer. I would be glad to see the back of them tbh. But dont know how dh would recover from it.

YABVU to change your life plan and buy a fixer upper house rather than sell the flats and buy something decent. YABU to blame the tenants. They are not the problem here, your spineless DH is.

You are married so all assets are joint. It feels very off to me to be married and talking about the flats as "his". No. If you divorced they would be assets to be shared between you.

I don't really know what to suggest beyond LTB. You would be happier, less tense and richer if you did.

My dad has always put literally everyone else above his family and my mother has spent her life bitter, angry, frustrated and poor. She is still there with her sunken costs fallacy.

I think about how we grew up freezing every winter with single glazed windows because we couldn't afford double glazing - while my dad's close friend "borrowed" £10k off him for a brand new car and never paid him back. I think about how my younger brother slept on the sofa for years because my dad gave one bedroom to someone who "really needed it". I try not to brood on his many sins because I can't change who he is and if he is so vulnerable to acting like a mug then so be it. I have made peace with the fact that I need to fend for myself. I only wish that my mother had come to her senses 2 decades ago, cut her losses, and made a fresh start. She also buys everything from car boot sales and scrimps and saves every penny - but for what?

TheBeesKnee- i am sorry your dad didnt put you all first. It made me really sad to read that.
My dilemma is he bought both flats and paid off rent before i was on the scene. How can i now have such strong views (which i do) when i did not contribute to the flats.

Your DH could have sold with tenants. And rent to buy can be beneficial to both parties as the sale price is much higher. You are being unreasonable OP, but you know that.

If you really want to know what the legal situation is with the flats, I'd speak to a solicitor. I know the law can be complicated. Did he have a pre-nutputual agreement or post-nuptual agreement? I'd want to find out about the legal situation because you keep talking about his flats but if you are married then they may also be your flats too.

your dh seems to be a bit hung up on the idea that you are greedy where as your husband's friend didn't pay rent for a year.

OP you are 100% not being unreasonable and your dh is being a selfish arse. Do not enter into some complicated situation with these people who may well live in the flat and not pay the rent as required.

TheBeesKnee sorry to hear your situation.

Italiangreyhound - thank you for replying again. No pre nup or anything. Tbh makes no difference. We are not going to divorce over this. Its just me trying to convince myself i am not greedy and i should have a say. But 15% have voted iabu. So perhaps dh has a point.

But 15% have voted iabu. So perhaps dh has a point.

I can't speak for everyone who voted yabu, but I did so purely as you seemed to be blaming the friends for the situation when the choice is entirely your DHs.

If you'd asked if ywbu to be upset with your DH I'd have been with you, but you asked if you were unreasonable to be seething at the friends.

I definitely understand why you are upset.

Your DH is changing financial and future plans because of his friend.

I have to wonder if the friend is so well off why didn't he pay rent on the flat for an entire year? I mean, that is really not nice and taking advantage of a friendship. Did the friend pay back the 12 months he owed?

I am not sure what you can say to DH as he seems to think he is obligated to the friend because of the length they've known each other. It's nice to help out a friend when you can, but not to the point where it affects his plans and marriage.

It's definitely not being greedy at all!

It's your husband that you should be pissed off at. There will always be greedy people out there and people who want to take advantage, but your husband should be the one you can rely on to do the very best for his family.

I voted YANBU. I can understand why some people have voted the other way because you’re blaming the wrong person. You know you’re in the right. But you cannot right fight your dh.

The “friend” is a cheeky fucker. In fact he is no longer a friend. He’s a parasite. If your dh allows him to occupy the flat whilst you find new tenants, your dh will struggle to get him out and undoubtedly give up because he seems weak. My understanding is that were this left to continue for 12 years or more the friend would be make an adverse claim on the property and could win. There would be no tenancy agreement after all as your dh only saw it as temporary.

Besides why the effing hell would you leave someone to roam your flat and potentially create damage while you look for a tenant. It makes zero, zero sense. I am a landlord and I wouldn’t even let my own child move into one of my properties without legal advice and agreement. I wouldn’t be concerned with her taking us to court to gain possession of the house. It would be to protect her / us from parasites and ensure we are fulfilling our legal responsibilities.

I think the best thing to do would be to play along. Suggest you get legal advice and offer to book an appointment with a specialist property lawyer. (Ie not a solicitor, who deals with conveyancing plus other stuff). Find someone, have a chat with them first so that they have a heads up about the situation. They can then gently explain the legal side of this and what your dh is risking.

As for his stupid argument about if you didn’t have the flats. If you didn’t have the flats, you’d have more available cash. Even had he not bought both, you’d would have had the equity from the flat you’re living in to release. But you’re not going to win that argument. Pointless trying. I’m so mad for you because I’ve got a too nice dh as well. I was too until I snapped and saw how much they were jealous, had a belly full of never reciprocating, showing gratitude nor having a good word to say about me. It took a lot to get rid of a group of parasites and it was a big strain on our marriage.

Surely you should have just sold yo when you wanted too. Flat could have been advertised as having tenants to attract a landlord purchase

You need to point out to him that his friend wouldn't be buying the flat from him as such - just agreeing to rent it for the next 20 years, after which time your partner would be giving it to him for free.