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AIBU?

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Original poster

Christmas Dinner issue...

231 replies

katycb · 02/11/2019 21:21

So I'm hosting Xmas for us (family of 5 all kids under 7) and my parents/ in laws this year. I have invited my sister who is a strict vegan so was obviously going to make sure she had a decent vegan option. I understand that she doesn't like seeing meat as a centre piece so I offered to plate up separately so this wasn't an issue to which she said she would still feel uncomfortable, I then offered to cook a veggie meal to avoid this so she would have lots of choice and even if some stuff has dairy in it she shouldn't be distressed looking at it .. Apparently this isn't enough and she will only come if everything is Vegan... A part of me thinks that I want to compromise so that all my family can be there the other part thinks that I have already been really fair and there are 9 others to think about...she had then offered to come but not for the meal and I really don't know what to do. So aibu to just cook what we would normally have with a vegan option and plate up separately and say that's the compromise or should I cook a vegan meal for 10..

OP posts:
BrieAndChilli · 02/11/2019 22:19

I think saying you would do veggie was a good compromise.
I do think though that Christmas is a time when people expect certain things that make it Christmas. For a lot of people it wouldn’t feel like Christmas without a roast turkey for example. You’d be making 9 people have a ‘meh’ Christmas meal so one can have what they want.

EverRenEssence · 02/11/2019 22:21

she had then offered to come but not for the meal and I really don't know what to do.

Perfect. Say ok.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 02/11/2019 22:22

set your children the task of decorating a Christmas Cardboard screen

I think you might be forgetting something, HerkyBaby ... most cardboard's recycled these days, and what might it have been used to wrap in a previous life?? Wink

30to50FeralHogs · 02/11/2019 22:26

Tell her that a vegan meal for all is a brilliant suggestion and then ask her what time she wants you all to arrive at hers and whether she needs you to bring anything.

Cheeky fucker. TBH the veggie option was a bit much IMHO. I can almost see the point of serving up in the kitchen rather than having a turkey centrepiece but even that is pandering in my book.

Seriously tell her she can bring her own meal if she wants to come or otherwise she can come after lunch. I can guarantee if you make her a vegan option she’ll find a way to tell you it’s not right. She sounds like a PITA.

30to50FeralHogs · 02/11/2019 22:29

Tell her you can make the dessert vegan if she wants to arrive for that

So no cream or brandy butter on the pudding? No trifle? No buttery pastry for the mince pies? Fuck that shit.

Mammyloveswine · 02/11/2019 22:30

No fucking way! Christmas dinner is all about the turkey and pigs in blankets! I'd tell her to fuck off elsewhere! Cheeky bitch!

ShellieEllie · 02/11/2019 22:30

Rude, she's just bloody rude.

superfandango · 02/11/2019 22:31

What does she normally do on Christmas Day?

You’ve given her perfectly reasonable compromises. If that’s not good enough for her that’s her lookout, not yours.

Poppinjay · 02/11/2019 22:33

Maybe she wants to stay home on Christmas Day and, this way, she can make it your fault.

DisgruntledGuineaPig · 02/11/2019 22:39

Yep, serve the meal at earlish time, say 1pm, tell her you'll be on pudding or done by 2:30pm. She can have a lazy morning and lunch by herself and then come along for fun with family and get some vegan nibbles in for the evening. (Do be clear you aren't going completely vegan all day, so there will be chocolate etc available for everyone, you'll get her vegan options)

kateandme · 02/11/2019 22:44

Please don't even have a discussion about this. F ridiculous

57Varieties · 02/11/2019 22:49

Tell her to fuck off, what an arsehole.

TARSCOUT · 02/11/2019 22:50

Actually started my post saying one vegan, one vegetarian and four meat eaters and I wouldn't not have meat at my house if I was hosting and then I realised that actually they're the important ones, not the food. I probably would be really p'd off if I was asked but I would still rather have them there.

katy1213 · 02/11/2019 22:50

Funny how vegans never feel obliged to cater for meat-eaters, isn't it?

hauntedvagina · 02/11/2019 22:50

No, no, no. If she's offended by the sight of people's pigs in blankets tell her to eat her jackfruit surprise in the car and you'll knock on the window to let her know when everyone has finished and all flecks of delicious gravy wiped away. She can go back in the car when you bring the cheese and cold turkey back out later too.

Ginkythefangedhellpigofdoom · 02/11/2019 22:52

I'm a non meat eater. As long as I had something to eat then that's all I can ask for.

it's not up to me to decide how others eat and it's completely inappropriate for me to dictate what others choose to cook in their own home!

cdtaylornats · 02/11/2019 22:52

Does her vegan diet include things made to look like meat? If she does then she is being a hypocrite and this is just a look at me I'm a vegan thing.

UniversalAunt · 02/11/2019 22:54

Ach, I stopped reading when I got to ‘Apparently this isn't enough and she will only come if everything is Vegan...’

Uninvited the demanding mare.
Enough already.
Gracious host that you are, you wish to welcome & accommodate your guests dietary needs & preferences. But a blanket (no pig so it’s vegan) ban or decree about what everyone else eats on festive high day is just a childish tantrum.

Uninvite her now - sorry sis, no can do & you have enough time to make other arrangements.
No need to discuss.
Any whinging, block on all social media.
This has little to do with food...

Anyone who tries to sway you on her behalf, notify that the honour of being uninvited can be extended to them as well.

Not that I am in the midst of sorting out Boxing Day with our blended band over of over-entitled ungrateful dogmatists...

SarahAndQuack · 02/11/2019 22:58

She should come but not for the meal.

She is being really silly and childish.

I think it is totally understandable she might not feel very happy seeing meat cut up (but then, most of us adults to accept seeing things we dislike, on occasion ...). It was nice of you to offer to plate up elsewhere. But she cannot expect to force everyone else to be vegan just because that is her preference.

UniversalAunt · 02/11/2019 22:58

‘Have her round for the meal. Plate hers up in the kitchen & make her eat in the loo...’

Nope, far too accommodating...she brings her own, on a different day & eats it out in the garden.

Anger issues, moi ?

GinandGingerBeer · 02/11/2019 23:00

Buy her a sleep mask for her Christmas present and tell her to wear it at the table? Grin

LifeImplosionImminent · 02/11/2019 23:01

Funny how vegans never feel obliged to cater for meat-eaters, isn't it?

I don't know any well enough for dinner parties but I'd love to know whether they would cook meat for carniverous guests.

Alez · 02/11/2019 23:01

Christ. I'm vegan and she's being ridiculous. Just get her a vegan option and plate up in the kitchen.

UniversalAunt · 02/11/2019 23:02

I have absolutely no problem with veganism.
I was a macrobiotic vegan for many years.
Tempeh Stroganoff bring it on.

It the shoddy dogmatism that really narks me.
Plant based profiteering.
Who’d be a jackfruit these days ?

Leflic · 02/11/2019 23:03

Nah.
Even vegetarian animals eat their young. Omnivores rip up each other alive and eat weaker creatures as a matter of course.
If she doesn’t like how planet works then she can be in her “ superior bubble “in another room.
I know lots of vegans and mostly they are because it makes them personally really uncomfortable eating an animal.
Not because they like making other people feel uncomfortable