AIBU - school lunches

[Standinguptononsense]

My ex husband and I have had a court order in place for 3 years. It states he has responsibility in the day time on monday and fridays.

For the past 18 months he has been purchasing school lunch for our eldest through parent pay. He sent me an email the other day stating "it has come to light" he has been paying for these school lunches twice as he buys them and also gives me maintenance.

I've said it is his responsibility as pee the courr order. I have also checked with the CMS who are in agreement with me in terms of they wouldnt tell / confirm to him that he is responsible.

So AIBU?

My eldest is now likely to have no lunch provided by his dad when he takes him to school Monday.

Glad others have noticed use of your myself and yourself. It was that that got my skin itching without all the other crap he was writing Inbetween!

He said this in one text exchange "I suggest though you stop only providing for the lads when they're are with yourself because they deserve far better than that selfish attitude"

Ok....

My response to that would be.

"Could you please clarify what you mean? As I read that as you expect me to provide for our children when they are with you as well as when they are with me? Could you outline your expectations of what I should be doing for them and providing for them during the time they are in your care? Thanks in advance"

What a twat. We need as a society to make this sort of behaviour totally unacceptable. Why on earth do these men put their issues with their ex above the needs of the children!

I absolutely agree. They are awful yet not doing enough wrong for the police to get involved. I have a number of recorded statements with the police though.

I did, apparently I'm just selfish.

It's sad that you can't see why you are selfish but I suppose that's the problem with a selfish person, they only think of themselves, unfortunately the lads suffer for your self centered attitude.

Was his reply

Another favourite....

Since the boys were born until they went to pre school I took them to the library for story and rhyme time, then as theybe got older we've gotten books too. At the beginning of this summer I signed them up for the 6 week reading challenge, the books went to him so he could continue. When I next took the boys in their cards didn't work as hed cancelled mine and got new ones. I wouldn't mind but he had a second card anyway and now I cant get the boys books out without doing the same to him....

Using his logic, if they lose a coat during his weekend. You pay for the replacement.
If they eat tea or breakfast when with him, you pay for it.
A judge would smack him back into his hole. Twat.

Yeah that's pretty much it!!!

He really is. My poor ds1 this week is so confused. All is dads causing for nothing.

This man is a teacher ???????
From; myself

🤣🤣 thank god hes not a teacher. Hes a techy so everything is 11111110000000 binary stuff

God almighty OP, this all sounds so painfully familiar, right down to the 'yourself/myself' wording. My ex is exactly the same.

Bloody well done though. You stood your ground, and didn't let him browbeat you for the sake of an easy life. It's so fucking hard when you just want to have things clear and straight and the other person is being so petty. You've been the adult here. And the DC got fed too

if he doesn't pay the school then you have documentary proof of inadequate care/ neglect on his days.

go back to court and get the order changed to no more than 12/2 so he has no weekday responsibility, or even less if you fear he isn't feeding them adequately on weekends either, and the amount of maintenance he pays you goes up by 50% or more.

You could send this text right back at him: "I suggest though you stop only providing for the lads when they're are with yourself because they deserve far better than that selfish attitude"

But, sadly it's probably best for your sanity to not reply at all.

Oh sorry you would of course correct the grammar. I copied and pasted.

Yeah I'm glad I've stood up to him and his vile ways. Longer term it's for the best as next time he might think differently. I also know my responsibility and he clearly doesnt!!!

He's a such a gaslighting arse!

I think I'd have to reply to every text

"We have clarified you think I'm selfish for not providing for the boys when they are in your care and that you think I fail to see this because I'm selfish. Therefore I am asking the family courts to review our order and clarify or reword so it's clear who has to provide for the boys when in whoever's care. The judge can read all the messages and he can make the ruling"

In my head I'd love all these replies but I honestly think you need to stonewall. Only reply to messages that ask a direct question that needs an answer. Eg what time your meeting and where or confirming a time of a dental appointment.

You should be able to get children's books out on your own library card.

He really is. In the early days of separation I told him that and he said in a stupid for believing everything that was on the internet. I was also reading the other day about narcissists ans their circular arguments also spots on!! I am now a very grey and boring rock.....

Grey rock is good and longer term more satisfying than engaging with an arse.

To @itsgettingweird a reminder that judges are female too.

Oh I know that! My female friend is one. I just happened to type he as was talking about her ex H. We really don't need to over read every bit of writing. I hadn't even realised I'd done it until you over thought it pointed it out 🙄