AIBU - school lunches

[Standinguptononsense]

My ex husband and I have had a court order in place for 3 years. It states he has responsibility in the day time on monday and fridays.

For the past 18 months he has been purchasing school lunch for our eldest through parent pay. He sent me an email the other day stating "it has come to light" he has been paying for these school lunches twice as he buys them and also gives me maintenance.

I've said it is his responsibility as pee the courr order. I have also checked with the CMS who are in agreement with me in terms of they wouldnt tell / confirm to him that he is responsible.

So AIBU?

My eldest is now likely to have no lunch provided by his dad when he takes him to school Monday.

Is your child at primary? Tell him to put his hand up for a school meal on the relevant days. ENsure that the office are aware he is liable on those days and then it is their responsibility to chase the debt.
Hopefully there is a scary old battleaxe in the office who will collar him and demand the money the money.
(EX old battleaxe)

Thanks! Rather appropriate!! I have! They are fully aware it's his responsibility. The school are being good to be fair. What would their next steps be if he fails to provide food for his child on his days?

What a pathetic dickhead. How can he not be embarrassed. Honestly.

I would go to court and get access changed as he clearly cannot he trusted or relied upon to look after his child.

That's horrible. I personally would pay for the lunch or send a pack up for school. You shouldn't have to but I would not let my child be at school without a meal. Play the long game, because one day your children will be big enough to see through the manipulation.

How can I send him with a packed lunch on days I am not taking him to school? Equally if I start paying now on his days it sets a presedence going forward when my youngest going into year 3. He has responsibility therefore has financially responsibility on his days. I will NOT be blackmailed into this and it shows the boys I am strong and wont put up with unacceptable behaviour as they shouldn't. In terms of going back to court my concern is that give him 50 50 to take out and of the financial issues.

I think this is one of the shittiest things I’ve heard in a long time what a prick.
If they were in holiday from school presumably he’d feed them what’s the difference?
Poor bloody kids.
Absolutely don’t pay this.

Well I meant drop it off at school I suppose, if you are able to or I would pay for a hot dinner. I agree it's good to show that you won't put up with unacceptable behaviour but to me that comes secondary to ensuring my child has dinner. It is clearly dad's responsibility but it would really upset me to think of my child not having lunch, and so I would make sure it's sorted.

Look at going back to court - for two reasons.
A: he is breaking the order by not fulfilling his responsibilities.
B: he is clearly not capable of ensuring the boys are fed appropriately.

I am already at work on the days he takes them to school. Dropping off a packed lunch is not an option. The school are feeding him so he is not hungry. Why should he sherk his responsibility. Where does it end? He feeds them breakfast and dinner, so why he believes he is exempt from lunch is beyond me. He feeds them every meal on a weekend? How is it different.

I suppose it depends on how much the bare minimum CM is. For example my best friend has her son 8 extra nights per month and recieves just shy of £500 which is the bare minimum CM payment (high earner ex). She pays all school dinners and uniform.

What a shit.

I think i would write a letter and copy in the school giving him a stark choice.

Dear Dickhead,

As you are aware, the court order issued on x date states that you have care of the children on x days, and I have care of them on x days.

The financial settlement arrived at by CMS reflects this arrangement.

If you are no longer willing to pay for the children’s food and living costs in the days you are caring for them, I will start the process to get the court order and the amount of maintenance formally reassessed to take this new arrangement into account.

Please confirm that this is what you would like me to do.

Then fuck off.

Yours insincerely etc

We have an 8/6 split. He pays 300 for 2 children. I pay for all school trips/pe kits/clubs/sunday football fees/pta events /passports etc etc. I have sent him that without the court bit in. He says he disagrees and it's my responsibility. To be clear the court splits time not just nights, he asked for daytime care in court.

He sounds horrible. You would think he'd be happy to support his children. He needs to start putting them first. Can you get a solicitor to write to him setting out his responsibilities. If he refuses to pay then the amount of the maintenance needs to be readjusted.

Just more cost to me which explains the glaringly obvious to him!!! I'll see what the school says...I'm not sure theybe had to deal with a situation like this before!!!

Absolutely can see where you're coming from but CMS is calculated based on nights and not daycare. So he would be responsible for the Friday (his night), but not the Monday, (your night).

Yeah that's what I've said to him. CMS base the maintenance figure on number of nights. But the child arrangement order sets out across the whole week, giving him daytime responsibility of monday and friday and EOW. So he has parental and financial responsibility on these days.

All this over £4.40?? What an arse.

Yup. This is also from the guy that 4 weeks ago sent me an email (with a copy of the receipt attached) for 2 school jumpers he needed for his days and asked to be reimbursed for his expenses....

I was chatting with one of my friends about it yesterday and shes thinks he maybe depressed. Hes stopped shaving and is starting to look somewhat "unkept". He spoke to kids this morning though and seemed fine. I am in no position to speak to his family as they are all awful.

Does he buy the kids clothes and shoes? Or do they take them from yours?

He has his own clothes for school and at home.

This is the kind of wanky thing I can imagine my ex saying and doing.
The problem is that he's willing to let your child suffer to prove his point and long term you probably won't be prepared to allow him to do that.
This is how wankers play the game because they know you won't let the children suffer.
I managed to get my ex to pay his share of the passport because I implied I wouldn't let him have the use of it. He could have called my bluff and I might have caved but he obviously thought I might stand my ground on that occasion and paid up.
On the issue of the school trip he's refusing to pay half and would see DD left behind whilst the rest of the class go on their residential.
It a difficult one OP and I really feel for you.

I've had the same with the y4 PGL trip. Weve paid the entire amount of 240. I did the same with the passports, I didnt give them to him at all as I knew he was going to Jersey where he didnt need them. He sent me a shitty email saying I had stopped him going away with the boys because they didnt have their passports. Then they called me the next day from Jersey.....

He sounds so like my exh. Never paid for anything like school trips, uniform etc as maintenance - which for a long time was £5 a week for two kids - covered everything.