AIBU - school lunches

[Standinguptononsense]

My ex husband and I have had a court order in place for 3 years. It states he has responsibility in the day time on monday and fridays.

For the past 18 months he has been purchasing school lunch for our eldest through parent pay. He sent me an email the other day stating "it has come to light" he has been paying for these school lunches twice as he buys them and also gives me maintenance.

I've said it is his responsibility as pee the courr order. I have also checked with the CMS who are in agreement with me in terms of they wouldnt tell / confirm to him that he is responsible.

So AIBU?

My eldest is now likely to have no lunch provided by his dad when he takes him to school Monday.

Oh ridiculous!

He is in HIS care for the Friday!

Do you have a solicitor who can write to him? Would he be responsive to that?

The school need to chase HIM for payment!

I have spoken to the school, referred them to the court order and told them I'm not paying and said they need to chase him.

He emailed me today forwarding the automated email from parent pay saying I assume you have resolved this...I replied and said it's nothing to do with me and I have made the school aware. He then asked if I would be willing to share the email/info to school. I've not replied.

Tell him if he doesn’t want to be responsible then you will have 100% custody and his maintenance payments can be adjusted upwards to reflect that. You will then be happy to pay for everything

Yes - next step! I have contacted the family court too for clarification. In theory its neglect and hes in breach of the order.

It's clearly been bothering my eldest (it's his lunches) as he mentioned it to me this morning for the first time. His dad has told h that I havent been paying!!!

Hes just unbelievable.

I've spoken with the school and they are fully supportive which is good.

I feel for you, he is very petty!
I hope it gets resolved.

Its just constant blackmail using the kids. Any excuse not to pay what he needs to!!!

Unbelievable for him to use the children to get at you.

Hope this gets sorted quickly x

Stay firm OP! What a dick.

I am. Trust me. Just waiting for the school to issue a letter saying no further hot meals will be provided and he needs to send him in with a packed lunch and then see fridsy if he does!!! If not I'm not sure what next steps then school will take?!

He pays maintenance for the days that he doesn't have your children. Maintenance is calculated based on how much contact you have. He should pay for the meals on Friday and Monday and also pay maintenance.

That's what I've said. Especially when we have an order that shows hes responsible. He disagrees! He said it has come to light!!!

He sounds like a tool being that petty over a school lunch for your child just pay it FFS. I never get into to this crap with my ex when he has our child he pays for whatever and I pay he only has weekends. If I need uniform we half it, we both top up parent pay on pay day, split school trips and other than get on with our lives, if he started acting like this is loose the plot.

He needs to follow the court order by the sounds of it he’d be quick enough to pull you up if you didn’t

OMG, what a sorry excuse for a father. How utterly pathetic to be arguing about feeding his children.

He pays the bare minimum on maintenance, has to be done via CMS. Wont contribute to bigger costs like eldest y4 trip which is 240 as apparently maintenance covers everything. That's his answer for everything. It doesn't come as a surprise as he was financially abusive when we were married. Just his way of trying to continue this.

Yuck. I have one of these constantly trying to get out of everything and acting as though somehow he is more knowledgable than the family court. It's great the school is with you on this.

They seem to be. To be honest the receptionist is horrified! Be interesting to see what happens Friday now. He gets his letter tomorrow after school.

He is a horrid unkind man.

You’re absolutely right to stand firm.

He should be embarrassed of himself.

Thank you. Hes just using the kids and the situation to emotionally blackmail me into paying something he is responsible for. I have emailed the head last night firmly telling her the situation and that the responsibility doesnt sit with me.

So hes sent him in with no packed lunch despite knowing the school wouldnt provide a hot meal

What a cunt. So he’s planning to let them go hungry to prove a (misguided) point?
I can see why he’s an ex, sounds like something my ex would do.

That's so sad. How could a parent do that to a child. Your children will realise in the end and despise him for it I'm sure

Yeah he will. Hes more intelligent than his dad is now. I spoke to the school and apparently he went in and asked what the schools position is....they told him the outstanding debt 4.40 needs to be paid and it will get escalated if it isnt sorted. Theybe also said packed lunches need to be provided until the debt is settled and then lunches can be booked in advance on parent pay. I've had nothing from him at all.

nice user name by the way.